


Thank You for Being Born

by AyrerereKnox



Category: VIXX
Genre: Almost Accurate, Angst, Complicated Relationship (very), Drunk Sex, Expecting Father Hongbin, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Frustration, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk is a Little Shit, Heavy Angst, Internal Conflict, M/M, Minor Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, NBin is love, Not-married, Pregnant, Rude Sanghyuk, Slow Burn, Unhappy Hyuk, VIXX Dad, hongbin centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-03-27 14:47:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 82,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyrerereKnox/pseuds/AyrerereKnox
Summary: For 25 years of his life Lee Hongbin have always tried to be one step ahead of the game. It gave him time to rationalize his life before it hit him full force. That is why he is very good at games and predicting attacks. But nothing could have prepared him for this moment.At the age of 25 years old, Lee Hongbin sat in his cold room, phone lay neglected next to him. He is going to be a father.





	1. A turn of a Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> Hongbin’s highschool class had a reunion on an odd Thursday. He never though, what happened then will haunt him back on a cold day over a month later.

Lee Hongbin had never been the one to accept being thrown around by life. He always tries to the best of his ability to predict the world around him, to prepare himself, and be careful with every step that he takes. Because he never enjoys the feeling of getting laugh at, and he much prefer the position when he takes the last laugh.

That has been true since he was in middle school. He always try to be as perceptive as he can, predicting what his peers will say, trying to weigh consequences and place himself in the winning side. That instinct got stronger when he debuted with VIXX nearly 6 years ago, because then -more than ever- he know one wrong step can destroys everything. He has been the utmost careful, to a point where it feels constricting at times. And he fully realize that he is no Jaehwan, nor Wonshik, nor Hakyeon that will be able to push aside a small mistake and cover it with their abundant talent. Hongbin has been struggling to prove that he is more than just a pretty face, and he deserves his position next to his brothers with VIXX.

This habit shapes the person that he grew up to be. He is careful, very careful, and judges everything on his feet. He is very cautious with his youth, he tried dating here and there during their down time, and when you are Lee Hongbin, there are many of those compared to the older 4 members of the group. But he always got too caught up in his own head, he was being unfair to his partners. He is not like Sanghyuk that can have a lighter steps and take dating with a little more fun. Sometimes he envies the ability of his dongsaeng to be able to casually see people, take them to a date or two, stay out the night and came back to their shared living space close to dawn with a giddy smile on his face.

 

Thus when he received a call from his high school classmate in November of 2017 he was shocked. It’s not like he was not glad that one of his ex-classmates tried to contact him, but it was just unexpected. Especially when they just had a mini reunion a little over a month ago.

Her name was Choi Eunjung. He met her on the last year of high school, when his math grade pushed him through the list of student and landed him in the A class, the only co-ed class in his school. She was smart and pretty, with a cute laugh. But he never said anything because he was too busy training to get to where he eventually got. And because of the same reason he never tried to get closer to her. So when the class decided to meet up to catch up and she happened to be there, he strike a conversation.

It was late, nearing midnight. Hongbin was about to rebooth his computer to start his nightly gaming routine. The air was cold and so was the dorm. He picked up her call and was welcomed with a long pause.

“Yoboseyo? Eungjung-a? Are you alrigh?” he said into his phone. His brain started recapping the worst case scenario on why she would have called. His mind raced back to that night his class decided to meet for food and drinks on a casual Thursday.

 

 It started off nice and warm with them catching up on what everybody had been up to, jobs and master degrees. Hongbin tried to push away the attention from himself to other people. Eunjung had showed up a little late, having to stay a little later with her research, she sat across from Hongbin. And she successfully became his escape, when asked about how she was doing and what she was up to. Eunjung jumped straight on explaining about her master’s degree research and potential of a fellowship with her professor.

The two get on talking, reminiscing the time when they were young and the only worry that haunts them are the prospect of getting into a good university. Something that Hongbin can only halfway share, since nearing his graduation he was already busy with training under Jellyfish, hoping to debut as a singer-songwriter. His worry was only to get into any music university to catch him if debuting was not an option for him. But it was refreshing to talk to someone that is not from the entertainment industry, because one knows how isolating it is when your life is under watch of hundreds and thousands of people. Eunjung still have the same bell like laugh that she had back in high school, when he would only look at her from across the classroom.

As the night drawn on, alcohol had piled up and poured. Being a strong drinker than he is, Hongbin was not worried about drinking too much, he just let the mood take him. The group then decided to hit a night club after dinner. A weird decision for it being a Thursday, but Hongbin played along and shuffle in the cold to a nearby night club. In there more drinking happened, and since the club was not packed the group were able to get a big sofa with no problem.

More bottles were opened and bodies got moving. Hongbin sat on the couch with a smile on his face as he was watching his former class president danced his booty off on the dance floor not too far away. Movement not as smooth not attractive, but at least he was having fun, unguarded. That was when he noticed Eunjung was also sitting on the sofa, not too far away from him.

“You’re not going to dance?” he started, sliding closer to her so that he doesn’t have to wreck his throat trying to speak over the blasting speakers.

“Not much of a dancer, I’d rather watch.” She said, her eyes away from him and on the dancing bodies of the dance floor. “Say, Hongbin, is it lonely where you are?” her words are a little slurred.

“What are you talking about?”

“Where you are, with the cameras and the work and the practice. Is it lonely??” she stared into him.

He was taken aback with her sudden interest in his life. Although he was a strong drinker, he already had quite some in his system that compelled him to just answer her. “Sometimes it gets lonely and repetitive, I don’t get to meet many people outside work, and you know members and staff. Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m lonely. In the last year all I see was that old twat professors and monkeys, sometimes hamsters. People, not so much. People our age, not at all!!” she yelled close to his ears, to be heard over the loud music. “This girl is DRY! Have not been with anyone in a long time. Too dry with many data, data of moisture but never moist.” To anyone sober enough it would be obvious that Eunjung is too far gone to be taken home on her own two feet, the amount of alcohol in her tiny frame could drown an elephant.

At this point of the conversation she was hardly making any sense. But Hongbin doesn’t care, he was staring at the way that her neck moved with every word she emphasize, and the way that her lips popped out in a silly way, signs of a hazy mind. It doesn’t help Hongbin either when her hands moved to grip on his own, moving them around as she wallow in her state of loneliness in the path of becoming a microbiologist- or neurologist- or something, one of those –ist that Hongbin cannot remember.

And soon she was laughing, bell like chimes that filled his ears. She was leaning into him and he found himself giggling along, silly to the stomach and he let her lean closer to his warm body as laughter bubbles around them.

When the laughter was gone, they no longer remember what they started for. And left with a silence a little less than comfortable. At that moment, nobody knew who started and nobody cared. Their faces leaned into each other and their lips met. The kiss hurriedly became urgent and temperature between the two risen.

In a hastle Hongbin pulled out his wallet and threw a couple hundred thousand won on the table and drag Eunjung along out of the club. Stumbling around with their coat in the cold November night, the two didn’t seem to care, as they were once again enveloped in a tight giggle gas. Hands clutching at each other and lips tugging up to show rows of white straight teeth.

Miraculously they find their way into the lobby of Hongbin’s hotel room. He has half a mind to book a hotel room to stay the night in case something exactly like this happen. That he got lucky and manage to bring someone with him for the night, he was never comfortable enough to bring a girl home to the dorm and there was a general unspoken agreement between the members that you don’t bring one night stands home. But he never planned on getting this drunk.

The elevator ride to his floor was quick but heir kisses escalated, as well as the volume of their laughter. He remembered his back sore because on the way that they stumbled to his room, his back was pushed against ornate walls one too many times.

He didn’t remember much after their heavy bodies hit the bed, at that point he can’t tell apart whose hands from the other. And he woke up to a cold bed and pounding head ache.

 

From his phone, he heard a deep sigh. Breaking his train of thoughts.

“Hongbinnie….” She quietly said. “Hongbin-a… I am pregnant.”


	2. Hyung….

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee Hongbin always dream to be a good husband, and later a good father, but he never thought that one would come before the other out of order.  
> At the age of 25, his life had been turned upside down.

In a cold November night, he received a phone call that made his body as cold as the glass of his window. It was close to midnight when Choi Eunjung called his cell phone, and with whispered small defeated voice she told him….

“Hongbinn-a, I am pregnant.” She quietly announced into their phone call. “I took 3 test from the convenient store, all of them said it was positive. I missed my period by 2 weeks, this doesn’t happen to be Hongbin, my life is organized. I will go to the doctor tomorrow, I will take a better test. But I doubt the result will be different, test pact these days are very good.” Her sentences were broken down to simple information, atypical to Eunjung.

Hongbin was stunned. He found no words, on his lips nor his brain. For the first time in a long time, life took Hongbin by surprise and he was not at all prepared. And it’s not something he can just laugh off, and brush under the rug. “Is it mine?”

“Yes…. I told you, I don’t go out often, and I have not been with anyone else in the last month.”

Silence.                                

“Eunjung-a….” he doesn’t know what to say to her. He have yet to wrap the idea around his head. His bran was struggling to process the information. And the implication it would have on his life. Her life. Their life, was there even a ‘they’ to begin with? Because they have not talked to each other since Hongbin woke up on an empty bed in September. HIS CARREER!!! What would happen to his career? His image? Starlight…… Her… Eunjung, at the end of her master’s degree with a good prospect in her field. Her career. She will be a mother at 25. HE WILL BE A FATHER AT 25!!

“Hongbin….” She echoed his silence. Her voice still quiet. And with a heavy sigh she said “I’d call you again tomorrow, after I saw an OBG. We’ll talk about our option then.”

“…. Our option?” but he was too late, she had hung up the phone and he was left with a dead line.

 

 

Hours later Hakyeon came home from a shooting. As usual he make his rounds around the 6 bedroom apartment. He found Wonshik surprisingly home, passed out on the couch, snoring like a diesel machine with his overgrown puppy that was comfortably tucked under his armpit, snoring away like his father. Sanghyuk’s room was empty, it’s either they boy spend it in the studio or away at his friend’s house, Hakyeon made a mental note to text him later. Jaehwan is heard banging they keyboard from behind his closed door, thus Hakyeon didn’t bother checking. And Taekwoon he saw on his way in the kitchen, making himself some hot tea, ever since getting ill last month, he was banned from coffee until the doctor said otherwise.

But Hongbin’s room was uncharacteristically silent. At this time he would be cursing like Jaehwan had been. Though not as loud. So Hakyeon made his way to younger man’s door, he found it slightly open. The lights were out. But he can saw Hongbin was sitting on his bed, silent, in the dark only lit by a sliver of moon light that has escaped the blind he drawn tight around his tidy room.

“Kongs… what are you doing.” Hakyeon said softly, afraid to see his junior still. His soft words seems to bring Hongbin to this dimension.

Slowly Hongbin turned his head in the direction of Hakyeon’s voice. “Hyung…” Hongbin sounded so weak and lost. Hakyeon hadn’t heard Hongbin like that in a while. Not in the last year at least.

“Kong-a, what’s wrong? Why are you in the dark?” Hakyeon rushed in trying to get closer to Hongbin, checking his condition. As soon as he got there he placed the back of his hand on Hongbin’s forehead checkin if he’s sick. He’s not. He touched his hand. Hongbin was cold. “Kong-a, you’re cold what are you doing sitting in the cold without a jacket, this t-shirt is too thin.” Came around his motherly side.

“Hyung…” Hongbin made a move to grab Hakyeon’s hand, to stop him. Because all of the movement the older man was making is making him dizzy. “Hyung, I fucked up.”

“What? What happen? Lee Hongbin?”

“Hyung I killed our career.” Hongbin looked up, his eyes dazed. “Hyung I hurt Byulbit.”

“Lee Hongbin, you are scaring me right now. Tell me what happen?”

“Hyung, I’m so stupid. How did I let this happen?”

“LEE HONGBIN! YOU STOP MAKING ME WORRY MY HEAD OFF AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPEN.” Hakyeon raised his voice. He knows he sounds scary when he does, and this seems to do the trick. It shook Hongbin out of his trance. When Hongbin looked up again to meet Hakyeon’s eyes, his eyes were more focused.

“Hyung, I’m going to be a father. I got a girl pregnant.” He said. And looked down at his hands. Ashamed.

“What….?” Hakyeon said quietly, not seeming to believe his ears.

“Eunjung, high school class mate. Pregnant. Mine.” Hongbin said, not making any attempt at forming a coherent sentence.

Hakyeon reach out to Hongbin’s bed side table and turn on the table lamp. He need to see Hongbin’s face clearly.

“Are you sure?” he assessed the damage, and Hongbin does indeed looks shaken.

“She said it’s mine. She haven’t fucked anyone else since, she is not a slut I know, I on the other is a stupid slut. She is going to the doctor tomorrow.” A deep sign, no one knew from which man. “Hyung, what have I done? Hyung, what do I do??”

“Oh my…” Then Hakyeon kneeled in front of the Hongbin’s bed and pulled his friend of 8 years in an embrace. He let Hongbin’s head rest on his shoulder. It was then that he felt the weight of Hongbin’s evening.  

 

 

The moment his head touched Hakyeon’s shoulder, he felt like his defense broke. He felt like he was a child again, having to face a problem bigger than himself. And he let go. Hongbin haven’t let go in a long time. But tonight he did, because tonight was when the things he thought was the nature of his person was ripped out of his hands and put through a food processor.

He felt the warmth that radiated off of Hakyeon. Usually he doesn’t let Hakyeon hugged him for too long, but tonight he let it happen. And he took full advantage of the comfort that his leader has to offer. And without any warning, he cried. Lee Hongbin broke down and cried, just like when he was a desperate idol trying to prove that he was just not a pretty face.

His hands cluthed the material of his pants and his tears are wetting Hakyeon’s soft sweater. He felt the older man offering more comfort as he moved the hands that were wrapped around his shoulder up to the back of his neck, to caress the roots of his hair. And the other hand moved to rub his back in a comforting way.

“Hyung, I’m sorry.”

“Shhhht… It’s okay, we can get through this, we will talk about it, and we will find a way to deal with it. We will weigh our options.”

“What option, hyung?” Hongbin said, pulling back from the steady presence of the older man. “She said it too, before she hung up. ‘We will talk about out option’. What other option do I have hyung?”

Hakyeon looked at Hongbin straight in the yes, and at that moment he saw just how young this man actually is. “Hongbin… there a lot to figure out about this situation. We also need to talk to her and to the agency.”

“Isn’t it clear what to do?”

“No, Kongie, no. It’s not simple. There’s no sure thing what to do.”

“….. don’t I have to marry her and raise the child now? Isn’t that the only proper thing to do at this sitation?”

“Have you talked to her about this?”

“No, she hung up. Well I froze, then she hung up. And told me she will see a doctor and call me again tomorrow.”

“Then talk to her again. Weigh the options.”

“What other options? N-Hyung.” Hongbin pushed.

“Hongbin, you do not always have to have the baby. If she doesn’t want to, then it will be simple. It can go away, especially if she is able to keep it a secret.”

“Hyung, are you saying that I should….. Hyung, you can’t be serious.”

“Hongbin, do you seriously wants to have the baby? If she doesn’t want the baby, then you do not have the responsibility to want the baby.”

“Hyung, I can’t do that. No….”

“Listen, the fact that she told you to wait and see your options, means that she is not closed to the idea, she haven’t made her mind up yet. If she was set on having the baby, she would told you so.”

“But…. No. I can’t do that.” Hongbin stuttered, he looked lost.

“Kongs, honestly, right now it’s not up to you. She have to make up her mind first before you can do anything, and even then we will find the best solution. We will get through this together.”

Hongbin stayed silent. His brain going a mile a minute.

“Kongs, just sleep. We will talk about it again in the morning.” Then Hakyeon pulled away and got up from the floor. He pulled the covers of Hongbin’s bed and pushed the wide man into a horizontal position. “Good night, I’d see you in the morning.”

And Hakyeon walked out of Hongbin’s room. Turning up the heater on his way out.

 

Taekwoon was on his way back to his room when he heard the loud voice of Hakyeon. His friend rarely ever raised his voice outside of the rehearsal room, at home he whines and nag. But he doesn’t shout. So he approach Hongbin’s door, where the sound was coming from. And lean against it, doesn’t want to invade on the privacy, but also wanting to know the reason what Hongbin did to make Hakyeon raised his voice so late at night.

Then he heard it.

And he slid down the opposite wall.

Jung Taekwoon is a man that adores children and babies. But he never though that he would froze to the news of potentially having another one in his life.

Jung Taekwoon is a man of love and commitment, but never once had he wished this would not be true.

After a few minutes, Hakyeon walked out of Hongbin’s door. And he was presented with the image of his friend sitting on the floor, tea mug half-filled now tih disgustingly cold liquid. “Taek…..”

“I heard it, Yeon. I heard what happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo??
> 
> Please drop some comments <3  
> This is an idea that i had on a whim, so this story is un-beta-ed, your input is very much appreciated.


	3. Kimbab and shouting brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VIXX is a tightly knitted group. They sometimes consider themselves brothers, because after over 6 years of living, training, eating and struggling together, anything less to describe their relationship is a disgrace. They grew up into men together, and had grown to intertwine with each other, that if one thing happened to one of them, it felt like it happened to all of them.

“I heard it, Yeon. I heard what happened.”

Hakyeon was a little surprised to see their resident cat-man on the floor in front of Hongbin’s door. And even more shocked with what he said. So wordlessly, he grabbed Taekwoon’s arm and dragged him none too gently to the direction of his own room. Shoved the taller man through the door before stepping in himself and close the door with the weight of his body.

He leaned his forehead on the back of the closed bedroom door. “Daegunie… what the fuck is happening?” he had been calm in front of Hongbin, because he knows the young man needs the steadiness of a calm mind. Or at the very least the appearance of it. But he was panicking.

“A baby, is coming. Hongbin, the baby. Is going to have a baby.’’ Taekwoon trying to put his own thoughts in order.

“Not yet, the girl may just abort the baby. Because as far as I know the two are not dating and she is young.”

“Yeon, I’m happy. Because baby. But I am scared too. Remember what happen to me a few months ago? How byulbit reacted to rumors of me dating a fan. This is not just dating Yeon, this is a baby.”

Then Hakyeon turned around away from the door and finally faces Taekwoon that he dragged half mindedly. He was welcomed with Taekwoon already snuggled up on his small bed, his deceivingly expressive face is torn between feelings excited of babies and scared of what would happen to Hongbin in the eyes of their fanbase, and how their career as a group would be.

Hakyeon then sat on his bed, and put his face in his hand. “How did this happen?”

“Hongbin forgot a condom.”

Hakyeon knew it was Taekwoon’s attept to lighten the mood, and he succeeded, Hakyeon felt a small giggle bubbled up in his throat. “Silly kid.”

“Baby, huh. The first VIXX baby.”

f“Don’t get ahead of yourself. It things turn out perfectly, we don’t have to ever think about it again. But…. Things haven’t been perfect for us so far. What do you think?”

“I wouldn’t mind having the baby around. And Hongbin is responsible enough, I think. Hopefully.”

“Let’s just sleep, I’m exhausted. We can’t start thinking until we know more anyway.” Then Hakyeon moved to his dresser to grab a worn out sweater he stole off of one of the boys’ years ago and loose sweatpants. Then he took his phone out of his pocket he remembered the mental note. And he dialed Sanghyuk’s number.

 

“Yoboseo N-hyung.” Replied the youngest member, his voice sounds sleepy and distracted.

“Sanghyuk, come home tonight. I want you home. I don’t care. You come home.”

“Whoa, Hyung. Everything alright?”

“I’ll tell you in the morning, but it would make me feel much better if you come home tonight.” There was a small pause where Hakyeon could hear a little of the background noise. He seemed to be indoor, not anywhere public because he can hear soft music playing in the background, only one other person speaking in a soft tone, and the rustling of fabric. “Sanghyuk, are you with a girl right now?”

“Uumm…” The maknae hesitate.

“Han Sanghyuk. Come home right now. Tell her goodbye and get on a taxi now.”

“Hyung, what’s wrong, I’m an adult. You never have any problem with me staying the night before.”

“Hyoggie, please. I’m tired right now, I just need you to be home tonight. Please? Do it for me?  You can see her again another time.”

A deep sign can he heard across the line. “Alright, I’d be home.”

“Good child. I love you, Hyoggie.”

“I know mom. I love you too” and he hung up.

 

The next morning, the air was weird in the dorm. Hongbin barely slept a blink the night before. After Hakyeon left him alone in his room, he had time to start thinking now. Those ‘Options’. What will take place and each consequences? Whether or not he have a say in the decision at all. Whether or not this is something that Starlight will ever forgive him to let happen. Does this mean that if he want to keep the baby, his career would be over? Does he need to withdraw from VIXX to let his brothers keep going? Or it will drown everything out and their careers would also be unsalvageable. Is his career salvageable?

Eunjung. A smart woman by any standard. With bright future. In a field that is still very hard for a woman to get into, but she is there, right at the door. Would it be fair for him to ask her to put it on hold? But would he be able to deal with terminating a baby? Yes, the baby is not literally attached to his body. And he didn’t plan on having it. It was a drunken mistake. But he was raised a traditional man, that was habituated into taking responsibility of his action. So if there is a little human, that little human growing on the other side of the city is already his responsibility.

Them. It’s weird to think that there is a ‘them’ at all, because Hongbin hardly kept in contact with his high school mates, only those he was very close with still see him on a regular basis. But none of them were girls. And then now he have to deal with this big decision in his life with virtually a stranger. Sure he had admired Eunjung since they were younger, but then that is about it, admiration. She is smart, and kind and pretty, not idol pretty but pretty. The times he actually had a conversation with her can be counted by the fingers in his hands, including the ones they had during the reunion dinner.

He decided to get up from bed, because he can no longer get any more restful sleep by staying in bed. As he walked out of his room, he saw that someone left a mug filled with tea in front of his door, very prone to getting kicked and getting all over their wooden floor. He picked it up and brought it to the sink.

The living room was a mess, with Eungdong sleeping in a puddle of blanket on the couch. The puppy looked cold, he doesn’t have one of the many sweater Wonshik bought him. On his way to the kitchen he made a detour to pet the sleeping dog on the head. Wonshik’s furry son just snore louder, exactly like how Wonshik would be when he sleeps.

Hongbing then went about his morning routine, washup a little, go to the gym –he contemplated on asking someone to go with him but he decided against it, needing the time to himself-, on his walk back from the gym he stopped by the corner shop to pick up a few rolls of kimbab for anyone that feels hungry back at home. The walk in the cold morning air had done some good to his nerve. He was less nervous and stressed. But on his walk he couldn’t help but notice BABIES!! So many babies and kids and students with their happy faces and snotty hands.

When he was waiting for his kimbab to be rolled, he was standing next to this small lady that was carrying her baby in front of her in a sling. The baby looked happy and peaceful as the mother go about her day and her conversation with the ahjumma in the store. And the baby’s tiny fingers were reaching out and flapping around. Trying to reach for things, anything to hold. And the baby turned his head towards Hongbin, and he can’t help but smile. He can’t help but also reach his hand forward and took the baby’s hand. When his mother noticed the interaction between the two, she smiled.

He came back to a chaotic apartment. It seems like in the short hours he had been away the house had woken up. With Hyuk running around the house trying to gather all of his class notes, Jaehwan hyung warming up his voice by vocalizing very loudly like only he can do, and Wonshik on the phone with one of his producer, along with the sound of their coffee machine working in the background. This chaos brings a warm feeling to Hongbin, this chaos is familiar.

“Guys, I have an announcement to make.” He said loudly, as he set the plastic bag of kimbab on the dining table. Within a few seconds, the boys fell in order, volumes decrease and they moved closer to the table –either to listen to his announcement or to grab a roll of kimbab, he couldn’t tell.

“What is it hyung? You sounds serious? Does this have anything to do with why Hakyeon hyung forced me to come at 3 am last night?” the youngest piped in.

“Maybe, where were you last night?”

“Somewhere comfortable and warm.”

“Kongs, the announcement. What is it?” Wonshik said as he sat on one of the dining chairs with his hair still wet from the shower, reached forward and grabbed 2 rolls of kimbab, one he handed to Sanghyuk.

“I think you all want to sit down for this.”

“Okay, Binie-a, you’re scaring me.” Said Jaehwan.

Hongbin took another moment to calm down and look at everyone gathered around the table, he can see the two oldest member walking slowly to the dining room. “Firstly I want to apologize to all of you, for what has happened and what will happen is going to affect all of you. All of us. I made a mistake, and I was being an irresponsible stupid ass.

“Last month, my high school class had a reunion, we drank and eat, and talk and drank, and drank. I didn’t went home that night.

“And last night I got a phone call from one of my class-mate. And….”

“And?” Wonshik looked up from his phone, a bite of kimbab pushed to one side of his mouth to make space for the word. The other were also sitting on the edge of their chair, waiting for him to finish the story.

“And…. “ Hongbin found it hard to go on, and he looked up to where Hakyeon is, trying to find some support. The small nod that the leader gave him offered a little courage. “And, she told me she is pregnant and the baby is mine.”

Silence.

More silence.

“What…..”

“No… you’re kidding right.”

“A baby..”

“Bin you’re 25”

“Bin, you burn ramyun.”

“Hey what does cooking skill have to do with any of this?”

“Wait, so you’re going to be a father?”

All of those words come at the same time, on top of one another.

“We don’t know yet. Last night the girl just called Hongbin that she is pregnant, but she haven’t told him that she will be keeping the baby or anything.”

“Who is the girl? I wasn’t aware that you were dating.”

“I am not hyung… I just met her last month, before that last I saw her was high school graduation.”

Then after they got over the initial shock, everyone fell queit.

“So what happens now?” asked Wonshik. “we have to tell the company, then we have to figure out what to release to the public and to Starlight. We have to figure out how to tell them so that they won’t be angry.”

“I mean if we were to decide to keep the baby, then Byulbit will know eventually. And if they react badly then…. Then I won’t get in the way of your path. I understand if I have to step away.” Confessed Hongbin.

“WHAT! NO! WE ARE NOT LETTING YOU QUIT!!” yelled Hakyeon

“But hyung, if it were to be a burden for the team, I can’t insist on staying. Yes we do not have any dating restriction from the company but I am sure they draw the line at having a baby with a stranger.”

“No, don’t say that, we will figure something out. We are not talking about breaking this team apart. We get through this together, no matter what. With or without baby.” The leader said, trying to bring up Hongbin’s spirit.

“What do you mean without baby? Doesn’t the problem goes away if there is no baby?” quipped Sanghyuk from near the door as he was putting on his shoes, ready to head out to campus.

“Well, information can still leak. And I am not sure if I can just get rid of a baby like that. I mean it is still a little human, it is still apart of me, in a way. And I strangely already feel somewhat responsible to… him, her, it…. What do you call a fetus??”

“So you want to keep the baby?” said Wonshik.

“I don’t know, I haven’t talked to her yet. I need to talk to her.” And at that moment Hongbin’s phone rang in his pocket. He saw the caller ID and its Eungjung.

 

“Hello, Eunjung.” Hongbin greeted a little bit unsurely. How is one supposed to address and greet the mother of your unborn child?

“Hongbin, so I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon after lunch. I could not get any sooner because of the short notice.” Eunjung spoke into the call. To Hongbin she sounded exhausted, she sounded like how he felt.

“Do you want me to go with you? I don’t have much planned today.” He offered.

“No, not today no. I’d rather see the doctor by myself. At least for now. I need to be able to make my mind up before I include yours. No offense Hongbin, but I need to do this for me first.”

“Okay, I understand.” Hongbin said, as he shifted uncomfortable, because he just noticed that the rest of the room was looking at him.

“But it would be great if I can meet you after though.”

“For coffee? I’d pick you up. Text me the address of the hospital”

“No, there’s no need, I’d get there myself. I’m fine. Let’s just meet later okay.”

“Alright. I hope you are healthy Eunjung.” Hongbin settled on saying before hanging up the phone, and turning back to face his brothers.

 

“That was her, she just called to tell me when the appointment was and when to meet her. Is it weird that she doesn’t want me there? Doesn’t people want the father of the child at least to be there when they see the doctor?”

“Only if they are expecting the baby, and they would want someone to share the joy. Not quite apply to your condition right now Kongs.” Said Takewoon mater of factly. During the phone call he had moved to sit on one of the chairs, munching away on a roll of kimbab.

Wonshik tried to reationalize her decision. “You said she was not sure about having the baby right, many she want to meet the doctor and ask about all that, about possibility of terminating the baby, possibility about raising the child. Without your presence and without your influence. Because seeing you know, you give off that vary dad feel. Like you want to the baby now. With how you offer to go and pick her up. Even though you know that Sanghyuk is taking the car today.”

At that Hongbin looked around and saw that Sanghyuk was almost out the door with the car key hanging from his fingers. “Yep, taking the car today hyung, I said it in the group chat.” Ever since Sanghyuk got his driver’s license he had been taking their shared car a lot. And the other car available was Wonshik’s sports car that he never ever ever wanted to drive.

“Okay, so maybe I am protective now.” Hongbin admitted. “But is me being there going to get in the way of her making the decision?”

“Binnie-a, why don’t you just take a shower now, and see her later, talk to her. Then we can go from there. Meanwhile we all need to get going.


	4. Hot chocolate and red bean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongbin meets Eunjung, and they talk about their little Red Bean.

Later that day, Hongbin braced the cold weather and meet Eunjung in a café near the woman’s hospital. It was on a second floor of a road shop. A little tucked away and not too crowded. He walked in and didn’t find her right away, so he walked further in the room. He found her in the corner of the room seated on a booth that is a little hidden. He appreciated her choice of seat, as it gives them the privacy for the long conversation that they will have.

She looked up as he was approaching and she got up from her seat to greet him. When they came face to face, it was awkward for a while, a bow and a handshake would be far too formal and impersonal for two people discussing their baby together, but a hug would felt too familiar. But then he took the familiar path and moved to give Eunjung a quick embrace before sitting down opposite of her.

“You should order first.” She said as he took off his coat. He noticed that her drink and cake was already served in front of her.

When Hongbin came back to the table with his stay of hot beverage and chocolate pie. He saw that Eunjung had taken a folder out of her handbag. She laid it out in front of him.

The first item in the folder was a photo of her ultrasound. “7 weeks along, I counted about 5 weeks since we had sex. The first 2 weeks is just a medical timing thing.”

“You’re that far along. So the test was not just a blood or a urine test?” Hongbin replied as he looked at the picture. His heart skipped a beat the moment he was it. There was a dark dot in the middle, and a smaller white dot. The size of the pinkie finger nail.

“It was at first, but then the urine test came back positive relatively quickly. I was not surprised. Then I just went ahead and got a blood test to check if things are stable and an ultrasound while I’m at it.” She explained to him from behind her cup. She seemed distracted, but honestly so was he. His mind was going so fast, yet nowhere at the same time. He was not able to form any rational thought. “The doctor say the fetus is about the size of a red bean.”

“A red bean?? I’m a red bean.” He said unwittingly. That got her to laugh, though a bit ironically. “I mean, that’s what some of my friends call me.” Hongbin tried to explain.

“I know, I remembered, that was what I thought when the doctor said that.” she looked away. “So the blood test came back with the basic result, not extensive yet, it will take a few days to get the full result of any potential carried diseases, but for now the fetus is healthy, so am I.”

“That’s good, right. I’m glad to head that it’s all healthy.” Hongbin unhelpfully replied. His eyes still glued to the ultrasound picture.

“7 weeks along, the last week for a medical abortion.”

When Hongbin heard those words, it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over his head. “……” he have nothing to say. So he only looked up at her, giving her his attention and hope she would continue.

“After that my option is to have a surgical abortion, a little more invasive, a little more expensive.” Her voice was heavy with uncertainty.

“So, you have decided then. To end it?”

“To tell you honestly, I don’t know. Before I see the doctor this morning, I was pretty sure I want to terminate the pregnancy, it just does not make any sense. With the condition that I am in, my career is about to pick up and having a child would be very hard to do. Not to mention it is going to be very expensive. And then, there is the fact that we are not even together. And I am sorry to say, I cannot marry you Hongbin. I won’t, I don’t want to end up married just for the sake of getting married. You are virtually a stranger to me Hongbin.”

“I understand, Eunjung. My life is not exactly what girls want to deal with anyway.”

“But then, I got into the ultrasound room. And I saw the little red bean. And I heard its heartbeat. And then I don’t know, Hongbin, I don’t know.” Her eyes watered. “I started to feel like the little red bean is actually here, actually a part of me. I don’t know what to do, all of the medical and logical decision should be to terminate it. Get pregnant later in the future when I am ready, if I’m ever going to be ready.” Then she stopped talking, her emotion getting the best of her, and silence grew.

“I was told that this decision is yours, that my opinion was secondary to whatever you decided. Because this will affect you a lot more than it affects me. At least biologically. Because it is literally your body. But know that whatever you decide to do, I will do my hardest to help. If you decide to terminate it, I will pay for the procedure, it you decide to keep they baby I will help support raising them.”

“I am still very much unsure about raising a child, I am way too young and too focused on my career, I haven’t even gotten started. I do not know how I am going to make enough living to support me and the baby, to pay for food and school and still be me at the same time. But for sure now I cannot just abort the baby. I thought I was pro-choice before, but now I realize that the choice can very much swing to the other direction.”

At this moment, it feels like Hongbin was seeing Eunjung for the first time again. Before this moment, what he saw was always a strong and smart girl that later turn into a smart and strong woman. But today, wrapped in her light blue blouse, she looked softer, tired, and scared just like he was. For the first time he actually consider her feeling, seeing her vulnerability. And now he understood how hard this was on her. Since last night, he had only thought about how this will affect him, but not enough about how this affects her.

“Hongbin, honestly I am torn. I know I cannot afford to have a baby, and raise one, I know that I will not be a good mother right now. But I also cannot terminate the pregnancy.” She tried to push tears back, but some have spilled over her lower lash and made its way down her cheeks.

“Eunjung, to be honest with you. I also came to the same dilemma, last night and this morning. Last night I was thinking that it’s going to kill my career, but it’s my responsibility. The thought of abortion didn’t even came to me until my hyung pointed it out. But even then I never could bring myself to say it, even when I know that it is the most logical thing to do. For both of us.” Hongbin blew out a dry laugh, how silly he sounds even to himself. Naïve. “But if my though were to be worth even anything. I feel like I can and would be able to raise the child. Compared to having to terminate it or to give it up for adoption.”

She whipped her head so fast to his direction, to lock her eyes onto his and to see if he were to be serious. “Are you serious? Raising a child is not a game Hongbin.”

“I know, and I know I sound naïve, but we both don’t have the heart to terminate the baby at this point. I can’t convince you to, and I can’t force you to. The other option is to put the baby up for adoption, we know how that turns out. The system in South Korea is disappointing at best, might as well not have the baby at all. That leaves either one of us. You can still see the baby if you want to, we don’t have to date, we don’t have to marry.” Words are now spilling out of his mouth. Once again life and his brain betrayed him. The careful consideration is thrown out of the front door, and now he is just going by his gut. “I mean we can smooth out the detail later. And talk to the company. And talk to the members. And talk to the fans. Who will have the baby most of the time and all? But if you are willing to carry this pregnancy to terms, then I am willing to.”

“Hongbin….”

“I tell you what, you still have 7 weeks until the end of the first trimester, and you have time to think. You have time to consult people, and so do I. Surgical abortion can still be carried out safely until the 14th week.”

“You researched.” She notes, with an amused tear stained face.

“I try.”

“I have time to think.”

“Yes you do, yes we do. But it would be better if we come to a conclusion soon. As I need to start talking to people.” Hongbin reach across the table and take her hand in his. A reassuring gesture, a small extension of comfort towards what they are about to jump into together.

“But are you sure you are willing to take the baby if I were to decide to carry on?”

“Yes, I might not be perfect, it might not be easy. But the other options would hurt a little too much.”

“Alright, we think.”

“We think.”

They parted with a warmed hug than when they first got here. Heart a little heavier and a lot more vulnerable. But the thought of their little Red Bean keeps their feet on the ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are you feeling the story so far???  
> please, any input from you guys means so much to me


	5. Fluffy blanket and lime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Push and pull with their heart and decision Hongbin and Eunjung try to find their separate place in the world together. Consolidating interests and responsibilities. But when excited brothers come home with sparkly eyes, sometimes arguments got silenced. 
> 
> So OUR KINGS ARE COMING BACK!!   
> i have written this chapter up to Chapter 7 before i heard the announcement. I'm sorry if there was to be any inconsistency in the content and their comeback preparation.

Weeks dragged by for Hongbin. The day after his meeting with Eunjung he put on his war paint and face CEO Hwang-nim. He told him about what happened, his option and the leniency of their choice.

It has been a blood bath to say the least. The usually calm and loving father of JellyFish yelled at him. And the discussion that carried on when he broke the news of possibly keeping the baby without marrying the mother lead to even more yelling. Not a day had passed since then that Honhbin didn’t thought about it. The manager hyungs are torn between asking him to reconsider terminating the pregnancy, some especially who have children of their own understood his feelings. Their thoughts are both helpful and now, since they are one of the closest people to him, working under their care for years. The members are not more helpful in helping him reach a decision; all of them were quite adamant about stating their opinion, most opting to say that they will support him regardless. Only Sanghyuk was vocal about his disagreement of having a baby around.

The past 3 weeks had been exhausting for Hongbin, both mentally and physically.

 

Rehearsal for their upcoming tour wrapped up a couple of hours ago, but Hongbin tended to stay behind to smooth out many details in the choreography and his vocal, very aware that if he doesn’t spend the time to perfecting everything he will be a dead weight to the team, since everyone is improving so much with their stage presence.

He was so focused on his reflection in the mirror, checking his footing the tips of his finger on the dance break part of their added choreography he didn’t notice someone had join him the rehearsal room. Only when the person clap excitedly did he broke out of his one track mind.

“That looks so much better, Kongs. But next time try to stand up a little straighter, make yourself seems bigger.” Taekwoon said from behind him.

“I didn’t know you were still here, I thought you went home already.”

“I had a vocal touch up. I just finished, because I feel like there was this one note that wasn’t quite right in the musical.”

“Ah… working hard as always.”

“You too, you have worked so hard lately I’m proud of you.” Taekwoon said, approaching Hongbin to pat him in the back. His hand lingered on the sweaty line of Ravi’s promotional t-shirt Hongbin was wearing. His hand squeezed the tense muscle on the younger man’s shoulder. “I saw something when I was out for dinner with the cast member. And I thought of you, I don’t know if you like it, with everything going on but it’s too cute I can’t not get it.”

“What is it Hyung?” Hongbin said tuning around to face Taekwoon. This late at night without make up, his brother looked a little tired, he has yet to gain back all of the weight he lost when he was ill.

Taekwoon walked back to where his backpack was. “It’s so soft and cute.” Then Taekwoon pulled out a paper shopping back and handed them to Hongbin.

Hongbin accepted it and without looking what’s inside he reached in the bag. He was quite surprised when his hand meet soft and fluffy material. Confused he pulled the item out of the bag. In his hand he held a small soft piece of fabric. It’s deep red with a little orange tinge.

“A blanket.” Taekwoon said.

“A baby’s blanket”

“….. yeah… we still don’t know if you are going to keep the baby, but when I saw this in the store it’s too cute for me not to get. I saw a baby Hongbin with even tinier hands wrapped in it.” Seeing that Hongbin remained silent, he stopped. “I mean I can always return it. Oh wait, I can’t return it, I had it costumed.”

 “huh?” Hongbin looked at him confused trying to find something special with the blanket.

Taekwoon reached forward and show Hongbin the extra fabric usually used to cover the top of the baby’s head. The cap was embroidered with the word ‘Red Bean’ in bold white letters and on smaller font it says ‘VIXX’s baby’ “I noted you keep calling the baby Red Bean when you were on the phone with Eunjung. So I guessed we are calling it that before we got a name.”

“Hyung…. We haven’t decided yet.”

“I know, it’s dumb of me.” Taekwoon said, making a motion to Hongbin to hand him back the blanket.

“Nope. I’m keeping it.”

Taekwoon hid a small smile, because he can see the way that Hongbin’s big eyes got even bigger and sparkle when he saw the blanket and the Red Bean written on it.

 

 

The twelve week check-ups and scan came around faster than Hongbin was ready for. He agreed to go with Eunjung this time around, before he has to jump on chains of flights to the tour cities and this week they have to make the decision. He thought it would put him in a better mind for their tour when he at least have an answer of what the next year is going to look like for him. An attempt to get back to the old Hongbin that can plan ahead.  Making arrangement with the hospital to let them use the back entrance so that no one will spot him and took photograph.

“Miss Choi, how are you feeling?” greeted the nurse, he was standing in front of the ultrasound machine on the other side of the hospital bed.

“Good, a little tired but good.” Eunjung said with a smile

“That’s normal. Lay down please. We will do the ultrasound scan now, then you get to meet Doctor Min.” the young nurse gestured for Eunjung to settle on the bed and lift her shirt.

Hongbin hovered behind Eunjung, doesn’t know what to do or where to sit. This is the first time he came to these kind of appointments. Thankfully the nurse noticed his awkwardness. “You must be the father, you can stand here next to Miss Choi to see the screen.”

Then the nurse squirted some gel into Eunjung’s abdomen. She was wrapped him thick winter clothing so Hongbin didn’t noticed any changes to her body until he now saw it bare, her once flat abdomen had started to grow, and a little bump can be seen. Her face scrunched and mouthed to him that the gel was cold, and he can’t help but chuckled. Then a handheld device was pressed on her abdomen spreading the gel around. “I’m going to press quite hard, please tell me if it hurt.” And he started pressing the device harder against her lower abdomen.

“So we see that your uterus have gotten considerably thicker, it’s good. You can expect to see it on the outside. As the fetus grow larger and the sac along with it.” The nurse move the handheld device some more seems like searching for something. “Oh there you are little guy!!” the nurse exclaimed excitedly.

With that exclamation by the nurse, Hongbin was snapped out of the mini trance he was in, and he looked up towards the screen. Then he felt like his heart stopped, his breath constricted and hi eyes watered. On the screen in grainy black and white was the image of Red Bean, the image of him that he never thought he will have now. But it’s there. At 12 weeks it’s no longer the amoeboid Red Bean he saw at 7 week, now the shape of the head is obvious, the body was already there. It’s a little human now.

In the sudden silence of the examination room, Hongbin felt Eunjung’s hand touched his. Reflectively he gripped her smaller hand in his. And simultaneously both of the squeezed, a silent support to undoubtedly the unspoken overwhelmed feeling both are feeling. He took his eyes off of the screen and looked down to Eunjung’s face, trying to see what she is feeling and what she is feeling at this moment.

Her face was glued to the monitor, like his had been the moment before, eyes glistening with adoration to their little Red Bean.

“So, your baby is healthy, the growth is normal judging from the size of the neck. Now the fetus is the size of a lime, at this stage the finger nails and toes are starting to take shape. Oh, the baby is shy, look how the hand is covering the face.” The nurse broke the silence. “I will print this image for you, hoe many copies do you want?”

Taken aback by the sudden question directed at them, both of the younger people in the room missed a beat at answering. Eunjung recovered a little faster and started recounting how many copies the want.” I would to have 2, one for me and one for my mother.” Then she looked at Hongbin so that he can give the number of photo he wanted.

“I don’t know, 3?”

“5 personal copies coming right up, and dr. Min would also need a copy.” And he fidelled with a few buttons on the machine. “Let’s listening on the heart beat shall we.”

Then a loud rapid beating can be heard around the room. It sounded very fast, like a little bird that had just finished flying halfway across the world in a race. This is the first time Hongbin got to hear the heartbeat of his little Red Bean, and it has a larger effect on him than the image on the monitor. He squeezed down on the hand in his, forgetting that his hand and Eunjung was still connected.

On that rather hard clutch on her fingers Eunjung looked up, and their eyes met. For the first time since they entered the examination room, they had the chance to look at each other’s face and read each other’s emotion. And since the first time since the entered the whole ordeal together they met a silent understanding. There was no denying how they felt about their little Red Bean; head, spine heart beat and all.

 

After a short wait dr. Min came in the room with a folder in her hand. She sat on the designated chair in the room and faced the young pair. Hongbin had helped Eunjung hopped off the examination table after the ultrasound examination. “Miss Choi, it’s good to see you healthy. And this must be the father. Mister..?”

“Lee Hongbin.” He supplied after the hanging remark from the doctor, she was a warm woman nearing her middle age, her head was covered with a few sliver of white hair what she seemed to wear with pride.

With a calm demeanor the doctor shoot right at the core dilemma. “We are currently at 12 weeks, if you want to terminate the pregnancy, this is the last chance, we need a week to sign you up and ready for the procedure. So I would need your decision now.” She scanned both of their faces. “I will not give you the update on the baby before you decide, I do not want to make it harder for either one of you.”

The doctor was waiting patiently for their answer, with a soft smile on her face. A perfect bed side manner after years of experience facing similar situation with young and old couples alike.

This time it was Hongbin that took Eunjung’s hand, and confidently squeezed down. Unable to verbally communicate his wished; both due to his overwhelming emotion and not wanting to take the decision out of her and if she were to decide otherwise. The gesture was half and an attempt to tell her his preference, but a full intention to communicate his confidence and respect for her decision.

“We…” Eunjung’s voice cracked a little, hints of emotion spilling into the spaces between them. She cleared her throat and tried again.

“We are keeping the baby.”


	6. Sydney, Melbourne and Singapore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VIXX went on tour, and their squirrel brain is never far the sight of cute things.

Walking out of the hospital through the designated backdoor to avoid any public attention the pair were in a state of overload of information. Because the moment they announced their decision to Dr. Min, and effectively locking their future to the world, she launched straight into baby growth report and list of test and checkups they need to have. Then after than part was over, she stepped out for a little while only to come back with a different folder filled with forms and recommendation for baby classes, birthing classes, midwives, post-birthing accommodation, nutritionist and many other things. The pair suddenly felt like they were completely out of their elements. For two people who have until now been very careful with planning and going about their life, this is very much an alien territory for them.

They decided to sat at a café nearby and discuss the details of their future, for the pregnancy and for after the baby was born. Hongbin had been careful not to mention the public in this initial discussion, not wanting to overburden Eunjung, and also partly because he has yet to figure out what to do with that. He needs the input of someone in the industry, because the company as his PR manager needs to be very much involved.

Due to the impossibly massive amount of information they need to go through, they only manage to decide on a few things, but agreed to meet later in the week when they had time to read through their respective folder. But before they parted, Hongbin pulled out the by now familiar paper bag out of his back pack and present it to Eunjung.

“The first gift that came for little Red Bean.”

When she looked at the blanket and the words engraved on it, she chuckled. “Your members are cute, I am sure the baby will be in good care with them around.” She said with glassy eyes.

 

 

To call the last week of November hectic was an understatement. With the many activities happening; from the VIXX LR concert to the preparation for their tour. Hongbin felt like he aged 10 years. So when they got to Sydney and are given a day to just explore the city, Hongbin welcome it with open arm. He decided to go with Wonshik to look at the shops and walk around the boardwalk. The hot weather was a nice change from the increasingly freezing Seoul.

As they walked looking at shop windows, Hongbin stopped in front of one. An unlikely window caught his eyes. He stopped in front of a baby store, these are the kind of window display his eyes always skip over in the past. But the baby mannequin dressed in a koala onsies caught him.

Wonshik noticed that his friend had stopped walking. “What is it Kong?” and he stood next to his friend and look for what is it Hongbin was looking at. When he spotted the exact same onesies, he cooes. Typical Wonshik to coo when he sees cute soft things, because many might see Wonshik and his tattoos and thinks that he is a tough scary guy, but that man melts at the sight of cute things. And he never have any reservation to hide it. A level of self-confidence that often times Hongbin envies, how in touch Wonshik is to his feelings.

Hongbin pointed to the grey onsies. And without warning, Wonshik dragged him into the store. With his limited English Wonshik asked the store clerk to see the onesies.

She giggled and brought the item to them. As it turns out the outfit was a set. Fluffly onesies with a koala hat. Hongbin felt a silly grin crept up his face. “Should I get this for Red Bean? This is so cute. I don’t think we will find koala things in Seoul.”

“YES!! Buy it buy it buy it.”

With the encouragement Hongbin motioned to the clerk that he wants to purchase the item. But before the clerk can pack it, Wonshik stopped her. “Bin this is a cold weather clothes, are you sure you want to buy the newborn size?” Wonshik looked confused, like he is trying to think too much and it’s hurting his stupid brain.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“When will Red Bean be born?”

“Uh…. June, early June or late May”

“That’s summer, right. I don’t think you can make the baby wear it without baking it.”

“Riiiight…. So……”

“I mean, get something that they baby can wear.” Finally gathering the bits and pieces in his brain.

“OH! Ah, right. But this is too cute for me not to buy.” Finally being able to connect the bits and pieces in Wonshik’s brain.

“Get a bigger size then, so that the baby can wear it later when the weather got colder.” So with that they asked the store clerk to give them the 5-8 months baby size instead of the new born size.

Before checking out the item at the cashier, they two men walked around the store to looked around some more. A few minutes later Hongbin heard Wonshik’s telltale cooing, and made his way over to his friend. In his hands, he was Wonshik was holding another baby clothes, this time with short sleeves and no legs.

“Bin look, it’s a Kangaroo.” Indeed a happy looking kangaroo was printed in the front of the white cotton. Under the cartoon animal, there was a writing that said Kanga-Poo. “See, Kanga-Poo, because baby shits so much!!”

Noticing that Hongbin laugh and they took the item to the cashier to pay. Before Hongbin was able to pull out his wallet and cards, Wonshik’s hand was already outstretched, offering his own black credit card.

“You don’t have to do that!”

“Yes I have to! If I am going to be a good uncle, I have to buy the cutest items for Red Bean.”

The store clerk reached out of the card and checked out their items, and hand them the shopping bag. All the while with a smile on her face, and an occasional giggle. “I hope your baby likes these. Good Luck the two of you.” She said in English.

When they two exited the store with the shopping bag. A realization hit Hongbin, “Ey, Shik-ah. The girl told us good luck. Does she think the two of us are having a baby? Together?”

At that realization, Wonshik’s eyes widened. “Ahahhahaha… silly girl… a baby would not survive having the both of us as fathers.”

 

 

When they got back to the hotel, the others are already back from their own time in the city. So they were the last one to get ready for their dinner with the staff. While waiting for Hongbin to get ready and shower, they were hanging out in his hotel room. Hakyeon being the nosy person that he is looked into the shopping bag on Hongbin’s bed. He squeeled when he saw the items they bought. “Bin-a, this is so cute.” The leader shouted through the bathroom door. “I also found something when Degunnie and I were out, let me get it. It’s in my room.”

When Hongbin came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, he saw Hakyeon just reentered his room. But he didn’t came emty handed. He was holding a soft plushies in the shape of a platypus. Hakyeon handed it to Hongbin with a proud look on his face. “Isn’t it cute?! It’s and soft enough to be a pillow when Red Bean is small, before she can play with it.”

Hongbin accepted the gift, “Hyung, you don’t have to buy this.”

“Yes I do, we don’t see any platypus dolls back in Korea. And tell Eunjung that she can also use this as a pillow to help her breast feed.” Then Hakyeon stopped at Hongbin’s bewilded expression. “Is she going to breastfeed Red Bean?”

“I don’t know Hyung, we haven’t talked about such details. But even if she would or would not, it’s her decision.”

“Well you can also use it when you bottle feed Red Bean.”

At that moment, Sanghyuk entered his room. “Ah, Bin-Hyung why are you still naked? Come on get dressed I’m hungry. You have to feed this growing boy now!!” completely ignoring the many fluffy soft items laid out on the bed.

 

Since their show in Sydney is has been Go-Go-Go for the boys. Sound check, performance, high touch, airport and repeat. The next time got a day off was when they landed in Singapore, after Melbourne. They had the day to explore the city before they have to have a full day of sound check, press and performing. They had many choices in the city, to go eat, to go shopping or to go to the amusement park.

Taekwoon was excited for the amusement park, as he does. Having looked up the rides and food that is available in Universal Studio Singapore. Dragging a few manager hyungs with him.

Wonshik already locked himself in his hotel room. No doubt his equipment is already spread out and ready to go. Since they have been traveling so much, Wonshik has developed a skill of packing and unpacking his magic making devices in under 10 minutes. But that skill has not expanded to his actual packing though. Since he still forgot underwear and the likes, or he shopped too much that requires a team of expert wardrobe noonas to pack his suitcase, sometimes involving them to sit on the lid just to close the bag.

Hyuk and Jaehwan along with many of their staff was interested in exploring the city, shopping and trying out the good food available.

Hakyeon had opted to stay in the hotel, when he asked the front office if they have spa in their facilities. And he was handed the extensive treatment menu.

So Hongbin just have to pick which group he wasn’t to join. Honestly he was tempted just to stay in the hotel, but he thought what a waste of good weather, because the moment he goes back to Seoul he will be freezing his socks off. So he decided he would tag along with Taekwoon-hyung, because he is not much of a shopper, and there’s not much he can’t already get in Seoul. That day he made sure to charge the battery of his camera and empty space in his memory card.

The smaller group that were to leave for the amusement park gathered bright and early the next day, their bellies already filled with hotel breakfast. They have agreed to leave the park a little early to meet with the city group and join them for an authentic Singaporean dinner, but they haven’t decided who will be in charge of dragging Wonshik out of his room.

The small group piled into a hired car and was on their way to the smaller island, and before too long, Hongbin can already see the sea view from his window. He promptly took out his camera and roll down the window. The wind that way was quite hard, and it blew inside the car.

“Ah, Binn-ah the wind is so strong, my hair is all messed up.” Taekwoon who was sitting on the other side of the car told camera wielding Hongbin. And when Hongbin turned around to see the older man, true enough his nearly blond hair was blown to all directions. Thus Hongbin turned his camera to inside the car and took a snap of Taekwoon.

“Hyung, your hair colour looks good here. The reflection of your green tint makes you look like a mermaid.” Hongbin said after he take a look at the result of his captured picture.

“Merman…”

“Out of all, that is what you corrected.”

“The hair color is getting really weird. Why does it fade so quickly?!”

“Because you wash it with just any shampoo, we already told you if you want the blue to last you need to carefully wash it. And bring some of the blue dye to touch up. But as always you don’t listen, and you wash your hair with the hottest of water.”

“Boooo, how dare you give me shit about colored hair, the last time you had any other color other than brown was almost 3 years ago.”

“And while I had that pink hair, it lasted and faded beautifully. Thank you very much.”

Taekwoon knew he had lost the argument this time around decided to throw his neck pillow to Hongbin’s head. At that Hogbin chuckled and continue to stare out the window, still not rolling up his window.

When they got there, they got the express pass and enjoyed the rides. Mostly it’s Hongbin and the hyungs on the scary rides and Taekwoon stayed down with their bags and munching on the different snacks they have there. The chance to scream his lungs out while riding the many rollercoasters available was very much liberating for the young man. Since the stress of the last few weeks had created a tight cage around him. He found it a little harder to breath. With the stress of preparing for a 3 city tour, prepping for a new drama to shoot and always brainstorming for concept and tunes for their upcoming comebacks is just the tip of the stress. He used this time to laugh himself silly, taking even sillier pictures of their small group in the amusement park and the many background.

Even then, there are a reoccurring phenomenon that caught his eyes and grabbed his attention. It’s the sight of babies, children, and young families on their free time together. His eyes keep on getting drawn to excited young faces in the lines as he passed them. Holding on to their mothers with small hands. Sitting on their father’s shoulders. Eating sweets. Spilling slushies. Getting excited over the many personification of fictional characters around them.

The view made Hongbin think about Red Bean. Lead him to imagine the things that will happen when once the baby got here, and the baby is actually going to grow into a child that can laugh, cry, feel sad, want to go to the park, wants to go on a holiday, want his/her father to go to school for parents day. Children that will spill drinks on clean floor, and come home covered in mud. As cute as it might look, it brought fear to his heart, fear of failure. Fear that he will not be able to be a good father for Red Bean. He is afraid that he would be too busy to be able to care for Red Bean properly. He knew that when it comes to daily things, he can hire a caretaker when he has schedules and that would be fine. But he knows when it comes to early education and character building, it has to be him that be present in the child’s life.

It seems that while Hongbin was deep in thoughts he had stopped talking and taking pictures. That was when he felt a hand clasped on his shoulder and a body sitting next to him. “Does it start to feel terrifying? Looking at those kids running around.” Yongjae sat next to himself down, one of the older managers that had been with VIXX for years, someone that knows the boys inside out. Because his jobs calls for him to deal with the good, the bad and the ugly of brother of 6. “That was how I felt when my wife was pregnant with our first child too. I felt as if I will never be ready to be a father. Every time I see kids in public I feel like they are a nuisance.

“But it gets better, trust me. As it’s getting closer to the due date, when you start seeing her belly expanding. Oh, when you first feel the kick of the baby and when the baby moves at night, when she was asleep. Those gets you excited.”

“Hyung, I don’t think I can get excited about those times. Her and I won’t be living together.” Hongbin replied.

“Then find a way to not miss too much of those, I swear it’s a life changing experience. Feeling your baby move inside the womb. Talk to her to always keep you in touch, ask her to hang out in a casual setting where the both of you can just enjoy the pregnancy. It will help you to feel calmer about the baby, and her too. It gave her comfort about the pregnancy too.”

“You think I can do it hyung?”

“To be honest, no one knows for sure. I can’t tell you that you will be a great father. But what I know is that you will try your damn hardest, because when you first see them, when you first carry them in your arms. It feels like you want to make the world a better place just for them. And I know you will be the one to fight for that better world, I have seen you become a man in last few years Kongs. You will try your damn hardest, and let’s just pray that it will be enough.” Yongjae gave his honest opinion. Though it didn’t brought the comfort Hongbin expected, he appreciate the honesty that came from the other man. It gave him a different kind of reassurance, something he can internalize and thought about.

“Kong-ah, just take a breath, for now, while you have time. Because after the baby is born, there’s no stopping. Just look forward to the good times you will get. Imagine one day coming to this park again, but you will be with Red Bean, the two of you making memories.”

Hearing those words, Hongbin looked up. He didn’t realized he had been looking at his shoes. And take in the view. Trying to imagine himself here, again, years to come with Red Bean in tow. Small sticky hands, pulling on his hair to not fall from his shoulders, laughing when Red Bean saw the blown bubble, small feet running around the decorated floor.

For the first time, all fear faded for a while. Hongbin was excited to get to know Red Bean.

 


	7. Marinated chicken and Wonshik’s head band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you are annoyed at your brother? You use their accessories as a weapon againt’s their stupid brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this chapter before the April comeback announcement. So, please forgivement if there is any inconsistency.

Since coming back from the tour, Hongbin finds himself keeping in touch with Eunjung a lot more. He had been texting her and occasionally calling her during her day, during her lunch break. Because now at 16 weeks, she looks quite pregnant, there’s no more hiding the bump that is Red Bean. He knows because one night he felt like he was missing Red Bean as he was going through a drama script, and he stupidly texted Eunjung confessing just that. And to his surprise his text message was replied with a picture attached. The picture was her in a comfortable sleep wear, standing in front of her full length mirror in a tidy room, it was of her side profile, with tee-shirt bunched up above her belly, clearly showing her new body line, the skin of her middle exposed. The picture brought so much warmth to Hongbin’s heart.

He still felt nothing romantic for Eunjung, but there was no denying that he got increasingly more protective towards her. The reason that he called her in the middle of the day is because he was worried because she was still as busy as she was before she was pregnant. And through their increasing conversations she had complained that she gets tired easily now. He was worried that she might push herself and got both her and Red Bean into serious problem.

They had talked about it, when he was in Melbourne. The fatigues of the tour making him a little delirious, thus he cannot stop it when the direction of their phone conversation drifted into defining what exactly they are to each other. Because since they decided to keep Red Bean they will be forever be in each other’s life. Even when they decided that Hongbin will have the baby most of the time, they want the baby to still know both parents, give him or her a family still, no matter how un-normal it will be.

So in that long dwindling conversation they decided, they are not going to force their relationship. But they will let time define it for them. Hongbin knows he will want to be involved in the pregnancy, not wanting to miss that part of Red Bean’s life, and he still feels responsible for her, not wanting to leave her alone. Because he knows from the countless maternity blogs he read over the course a month the presence of a partner is very crucial for the mother. He knows that nearing the end of her pregnancy she would need help moving around and will need more comfort.

 

It’s nearing Christmas, so it’s that time of the year again when VIXX have to pre-record Christmas Eve Greetings for Starlights. This year instead of going with a silly concept, they settle for something comfortable and homey with the boys sharing a meal around a table in a made up living room. They had debated whether or not to do the recording in their actual living room, but they decided against it. Because other than the effort to cram all 6 of them plus filming crew and equipment into their modest apartment, it’s because they were too lazy to have to clean up their living room and making it presentable to the world. Oh and of course privacy, because it’s not fun when they have explain to Starlight why there were a few pieces of underwear sticking out here and there in their living room.

It was also a chance for all of them to sit down and talk. Because November and December had been hectic for all of them, each having tight schedules.

With Woshik less than 2 months away from the release of his new mixtape, he is working non-stop, he hanrdly ever sleeps in his shared room with Hyuk anymore. With the amount of time he camp out in his studio, Hongbin doesn’t understand how he doesn’t have a proper bed there yet. Because all this time Wonshik had been sleeping on the couch of his work room, cuddled up with his overgrown puppy.

Hyuk is frantically finishing his senior project and other classes he missed. Due to their Japan promotion last September-October and the long tour early December, Hyuk missed a lot of his classes this semester, and if he wants to graduate on time by the time January rolls around he have to put in the extra work to catch up.

N-hyung is also swamped with planning his family trip, and many public appearances and charity projects, the oldest member of the team are hardly ever alive outside anywhere else other than event venues and rehearsal room.

And the other two Hyungs are actively on stage, both in musicals up to 6 shows a week. So they are also quite busy with fixed schedules.

He himself had been shooting dramas and in the process of promoting new series. And as always the work is neverending . He is currently reading through briefs and scripts of jobs coming his way.

So it has been a while since all 6 of them are in the same room, energized and calm enough to talk. Thus this is the first chance Hongbin have the chance to share the development of his situation with little Red Bean and Eunjung. Of course all of them knows that he had decided to keep the baby, he texted them the moment he stepped out of the hospital on that twelfth week check-up, and it’s a common topic during their tour. But he hasn’t got the chance to share any details of their plan. The company also knew already, and as expected he got an earful. Because they were very much concern about his public image, being the seemingly innocent and single visual of the group. His decision to keep the baby without marrying the mother can be detrimental on how the public will see him now.

So they were seated around the low coffee table, with food laid out on it.

“So Kongie, how’s little Red Bean?” Taekwoon asked, being the one most excited about the baby.

”The last ultrasound went well, and the blood test came back also fine. Oh, and Eunjung said ‘thank you’ for the blanket. I am pretty sure she is using it now before the baby got here. We were on the phone yesterday and she kept on mentioning how soft that blanket is.”

“A real baby is coming huh? Like a real little human, that came from Hongbin’s sperm is going to come to life.” Wonshik said, as he sat down.

Hongbin looked at him weird, because seriously who says things like that. So Hongbin reached forward and pinched the front part of the headband Wonshik was wearing, and let it spanned back against his long forehead. Wonshik naturally yelped and his face turned into a frown that he put on when he tries to be cute, usually Wonshik doesn’t pull that face with him the look usually reserved for Jeahwan and Hyuk, occasionally Hakyeon to avoid scolding. “Yes, a real baby is coming. And never mention anything with my sperm again, and I swear you will miss that stupid face of yours if you ever mention it to the baby.” Hongbin snapped Wonshik’s headband once more for good measure.

“When’s the baby coming?” piped Hakyeon.

“With the current calculation the baby will be here around the first half of June.”

“Early June.”

“But June….”

“Yes I know, I am sorry it’s only a weeks after our 2018 comeback. But Hwang-nim is currently trying to see if it’s possible to push the release earlier, so the news will not hurt the sales so much.”

“When were you planning to tell us?”

“When I got some sort of confirmation from the agency. It wasn’t anything official yet, it’s just one of those ideas that popped into his head while he was yelling at me.”

“Serves you right.” Murmured Sanghyuk from his position on the floor across the set. To this day, Sanghyuk was the one who felt most uncomfortable with the way the whole ordeal is unfolding. Sadly he had kept his distance from the soon-to-be-father, not getting excited about the news in the slightest.

A large contrast from the rest of the group. Obviously all of them are nervous and scared about how it will play out in the public eyes, and how this will affect all of their careers. But since all of they are craving for an outlet to channel their overwhelming feeling of adoration –and pouring it on each other is no longer enough without crossing many boundaries they’d rather not-, the prospect of having a baby around is not repulsive to them. Ever since the rest of the group knows that Eunjung is carrying the baby to full term and that Taekwoon bought Red Bean, Hongbin had received a star-shapped plushie from Hakyeon, a twinkling mobile decoration from Jaehwan –claiming that it was too pretty not to buy when he was out with the 92 line on one of their day out- and a pair of mini sneakers from Wonshik, it’s adorable and so tiny, and being the silently considerate person that he is the sneakers matched one of Hongbin’s favorite pair. Sanghyuk on the other hand had completely avoided the subject, to the extent of never using the nick name Red Bean – the unofficial way everyone had been calling the baby.

“Right, now that everyone is here, I have something important to ask all of you. This is regarding Red Bean and where we will live. So you all know that it’s close to impossible for Eunjung to be with the baby full time right, it would be too much for her. So we settled that she will only have the baby every now and then on the weekends, and the rest of the time Red Bean will be with me.” Hongbin paused his monolog. “So I was wondering if it would be alright if Red Bean and I still live in the dorm with all of you.” He saw no reaction. “But of course if you minded and doesn’t want to have a baby around full time I understand, I can move out to another apartment with Red Bean.” He quickly retracted.

Then Taekwoon looked at him as if he had grown a 2nd head. “I thought it was a given that if you were to have the baby, the baby would live with us.”

“I mean, I never asked. And having a baby in the house will not be easy, and would definitely disrupt your rest. All of you are very busy.”

“So are you Kong, do you expect you can be the super dad that can always wake up every time the baby cry? Every single time and look fresh enough to film in the morning?” said Hakyeon.

“But at least it will only be my sleep that is disturbed, not yours.”

“Hongbin-a.” said Wonshik, as Hongbin felt wire-like arms go around his shoulder. “Remember when we said we are in this together? We are in this together, it doesn’t matter whose sperm did the baby came from, and the baby will have 5 too many fathers.” Those supportive words warm Hongbin’s heart, he leaned back a little to convey his appreciation to Wonshik. But remembering when he said, Hongbin reached an arm back and blindly search for Wonshik’s headband and snapped it again. “YA!! What’s that for!!”

“For mentioning the sperm thing again, and I think you will be the least effected, since you live under the studio table now!”

“I do not live under a table, thank you very much!” not denying that he practically lived in his purple lit work room. “

”It’s okay with me, I already learn to sleep through the noise, and I still keep the earplug from when Wonshik sleep next to me.”

“OI!! Jaehwannaaaaaa….” With the whine that came from their seemingly scary rapped, everyone settled into a comfortable bubble of laughter.

But out of the corner of his eyes, Hogbin noticed that Hyuk hadn’t said anything, and was looking the other way.

Then the PD finished setting up the equipment and the filming started for real. That night they enjoy many greasy food except Wonshik, with his ridiculously tight meat free diets. And Hongbin felt warm inside, knowing that his baby will be welcomed by  at least 4 adoring uncles.

 

In the ride back home, Hongbin share a van with Hakyeon and Jaehwan. The other van is supposed to make a detour dropping Wonshik in his studio. At the beginning of the ride, they were quiet. Hakyeon on his phone texting his many friends and business associate even this late at night, while Jaehwan was listening to music with an earphone.

“Kong-a,” exclaimed Hakyeon suddenly from the passenger seat. “We have to go shopping.”

“For what?”

“Baby stuff, we have so much we need to do. We only have 6 months.”

“Hyung, relax, 6 months is a long time.”

“No it’s not, we have to buy furniture, and that means we have to re arrange your room. And we have to child proof the house, we have too many sharp edges that can hurt a little human. OMG we need to figure out a new bathroom arrangement.”

“Hyung, calm down. We have time.”

“TIME RAN OUT LEE HONGBIN!! With this attitude you will come home from the hospital with a baby in your arm but don’t have anywhere to put them down or change the diaper.”

“Alright, we start planning soon.”

“Good, and I call dibs in building the crib and changing station!!”

“What’s a changing station?” Hongbin asked baffled.

Then Hakyeon turn in his seat, looking at Hongbin with disappointed eyes. “And you thought you and Red Bean will survive if you move out.”

 

 


	8. Hongbin Appa Trial Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongbin had always pay some kind of attention to his housemates and brothers, but usually they take good care of themselves, until….

A few days before the yearend stage, VIXX got a surprise day off from their late night rehearsal. Because the weather had been a little less than friendly on their winter ridden bodies. With individual schedules during the day, and dance rehearsals at night the members as well as the dancers had been a little under the weather.

The next morning started out peaceful, with the occupants of the house sleeping in a little more than usual. Jaehwan and Taekwoon trying to get as much sleep as possible before they have to leave for the theater. Hakyeon still nursing a bad cold. Hongbin had been the first one to be awake and moving about, followed by Eongdongie that nuzzled his leg as he made himself a warm cup of tea.

“Ah, Dongie’ah, you’re here. That means your Pabo Appa is also here.” Hongbin said to the puppy as he bent down and scratch the back of the pointy ears. “Are you hungry? Your appa not up yet?” so he moved to the feeding bowl and refill it, Eongdong enjoyed his breakfast heartily.

“Good morning, Bin-ah.” A warm body hugged Hongbin from behind.

“Morning Hyung. Are you feeling any better?” Hongbin greeted Hakyeon without having to turn around and see the man that had plopped on to his back early in the morning.

“A bit, but my nose is still running. The fever has gone down though.” Hakyeon let go and proceeded to make himself a cup of warm lemon honey tea.

“Did you know that Shikkie came home last night?”

“Really?? What time? I didn’t not hear him come in. He sort of just took off after the rehearsal last night, I thought he will be in his studio. He is still doing some recording right?”

So after a quick breakfast Hongbin check on the shared bedroom, finding that Hyuk’s bed had been neat and undisturbed, meaning the boy did not came home the night before. After a quick scan of the dark room, he figured out that Wonshik was wrapped tightly in a blanket on his side of the room. It’s rare to see Wonshik’s blanket still tightly wrapped around him in the morning, with his kicking habit, usually it’s halfway off the floor.

“Ravi-ah, do you want breakfast?” Hongbin said as he approached the bed. Then he gently shook the lump on the bed. A deep groan was his only reply.

“Oi, are you alive? When did you get here?” Hongbin poked and tried to find the edge of the blanket to reveal the creature hiding beneath it.

“Urg. I feel sick, it’s so cold. Kong-ah, I think I’m going to die.” Replied a coarse voice. And a pale unshaven face of VIXX’s rapper emerged from the pile.

“Why? Did you catch a cold too?”

“No…”

“Then?” Hongbin touched Wonshik’s face to see if he had a fever. Hongbin was right, Wonshik was burning. “Oi, your fever is so high. They heck happened to you?”

“Got a tattoo last night. What is happening to me Binni-ah. It’s sore everywhere, I can’t move.”

“Aish, are you stupid? You are already very tired, and you decide to get a tattoo after practice last night? Can’t it wait?” Knowing that one of the aftermath of getting a tattoo is a fever, as a response to the open wound and the body forcing itself to heal. Hongbin had been dealing with the smaller fever Wonshik have had since the very first tattoo he got. But out of all the six previous tattoos Wonshik had gotten, none had ever gave him a fever this bad.

“I thought since we have today off, I can let it heal for a little, because the photo shoot for my mixtape will be the day after right. I thought it would be nice if I have the tattoo already.”

Hongbin looked at the devastating state of his stupid lovable idiotic brother. He sigh, because he knows that he will have to take care of Wonshik all day, since Hakyeon is still sick himself. Jaehwan and Taekwoon have to go to the theater, and Sanghyuk is nowhere to be found. “Is that why you came home, instead of going to the studio?”

Wonshik showed more of his face to Hongbin, to shot him a shy smile. Like a kid caught with his hand inside of the cookie jar before dinner. “You will take care of me right?”

“No. I will just let you die.”

Hongbin went back to the kitchen to fetch some hot beverage and fever medicine for Wonshik. While he was at it he also called a nearby shop to order the house some nutritious breakfast –or lunch, depends on when people decides to wake up. “Hyung, Shikkie is sick. He got a very high fever because he got himself a tattoo last night.” He said to Hakyeon who was still perched on the dining table, phone in one hand, and toast on the other.

Taekwoon walked into the kitchen in his zombie like state, desperately reaching for the kettle to brew himself a cup of weak coffee. “Stupid Shik. He showed me the design for the tattoo. It’s really big, I’m sure it’s because of that.” Having heard what Hongbin declared moment before.

“How big is the tattoo? He doesn’t usually have a fever right? From his other tattoos.” Hakyeon asked.

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen it. He was a Lava burrito when I was in his room.”

“Aigoo poor baby….” Cooed Hakyeon, as he got up from the table and made his way to Wonshik’s room.

When Hongbin reenter the bedroom with a mug of hot tea and medicine, he found Hakyeon cuddled up around the lump inside the blanket. Wonshik’s head that popped out was cradled in Hakyeon’s hands. “Shik-ah, sit up a little. Drink your medicine.” Hakyeon uncurled and helped the rapper to sit up a little, propping his head with pillows.

“Damn… I didn’t know it will get this bad. Shiyoung-noona warned me, she said I should get it in 3 seating, but I forced to do it in two.”

“Why do you need to get it now anyway? And why not just do it in three?” Hakyeon asked, after holding the pills and glass of water for Wonshik.

“Because I want to make it look somewhat done, with at least some shading on it. It would look weird with just the outline. I don’t want weird tattoo on the promotional photo. And I need a few weeks to let it heal to get the next session done.” He replied with groans interjected here and there as he tried to lay back down, staying aware of his tender left side.

Right at that moment, Hakyeon blew out one of the loudest sneeze Hongbin had heard. His small rounded face contorted into something that looked less human and more Rumplestiltskin. His muscles contracted, his feet got off the ground at the force of his sneeze. “My God, I felt like my heart was about to burst.” He said after he regained his human form.

“Hyung, I don’t think you should be here. Shikkie’s body is already weak, we don’t need of your germ to contaminate the air.” Hongbin said, as he tried ushering Hakyeon out of the bedroom. Reluctantly the older man got up and walked out of the room. But not before giving Wonshik another awkwardly positioned hug. “Hyung, the food is going to be here anytime now. Just get yourself some food, then go back to bed. Let your medication actually work. Don’t make me confiscate your phone.”

“Yes, Hongbin-appa.”

Hongbin smiled at the nickname. He then turned around to his friend, currently curled up in bed, looking miserable. “Do you need anything else?”

“I need cleaning, I got back home so late last night, and the fever already kicked in. So I didn’t get a chance to clean the tattoo.” Wonshik said, as he tried to uncurl and lift his shirt. But given how sore he was, it was quite a task.

Hongbin adjusted the heater in the bedroom then moved closer to help Wonshik remove his shirt. When the shirt was out of the way, Hongbin saw that the cover bandage was still in place, and it covers one entire side of Wonshik’s left ribcage. “Ey, that piece is really big.” He said after he assessed how far the tattoo wrapped around. “Let me get the warm water. Where is your antiseptic wash and lotion?” Hongbin asked, this is not the first time he had to help Wonshik with the healing of his tattoos. The one on his upper back really requires help in the after care, the one he got a little over a year ago.

“I got a new bottle, it’s in that plastic bag.” Wonshik said, as he was slowly peeling the bandage that held the gauze covering his new ink.

Hongbin gathered towels, soft washcloths, and paper towels. Then he moved to the kitchen to look for a water basin big enough to help wash Wonshik’s tattoo, before his fever gone down and he can take a shower himself. When he got back to the room, the slightly bloodied gauze was on the floor and Wonshik was laying on his good side.

“Lift your body a little.” Hongbin helped Wonshik’s overheated body to get off the bed a little bit and slip a towel under his body to not soak the bed. After that he proceeded to soak the washcloth in the warm water and lightly rinses Wonshik’s torso to start the mechanical process of washing, rinsing, patting dry and covering the decorative wound with a thin layer of anti-bacterial lotion. Through the process, Hongbin kept his touches soft, not scrubbing too hard. He also moved quickly because he can see that Wonshik had started shivering because of the exposure to the cold air. So he made sure that Wonshik was warm and comfortable, tucked in to his chin and his furry son within reach.

“Thank you, Binn-ah. Don’t worry now, count me as a practice of all the asses you have to wipe and wash when Red Bean got here.” Wonshik said, from his position in the bed. With a small curse, Hongbin threw a ball of used paper towel at his head. But Hongbin smiled none the less

“Shut up and sleep”

 

Later that day, Wonshik emerged from his room, more colors had returned to his face. Screaming for food. After his belly was filled, he finally have the strength to take a shower properly. But of course being the baby that he is, he walked out of his room with his sweater in one hand and the bottle of antibacterial lotion on the other. “Konggie-appa, help me with this please.” As he stood in front of the couch where Hongbin was chilling, watching Overwatch play-through on his phone.

Hongbin looked up, “What happen with your hand? You can reach it just fine.” But Wonshik just pouted and shoved the bottle to Hongbin’s hand. Reluctantly Hongbin apply a thin layer of the goo to Wonshik’s side.

After Wonshik put on his sweater, he grab the thick blanket laid on the back of the couch and wrap himself in it. Before plopping himself a little too close to Hongbin. Out of all six of them, it’s safe to say that Wonshik is the touchiest out of all of them, he is the one that needs the most physical contact. He is the one that will lean into other members or just randomly lay his head on people’s lap. But usually he fulfill that by clinging onto Jaehwan and Taekwoon. Hongbin guessed the fever is making that need for comfort heightened, thus he himself would be the victim of Wonshik’s overflowing affection.

Wonshik squirmed and wiggle, trying to re adjust his position, to be able to snuggle into Hongbin’s uncooperative side, but trying not to put too much strain into his sore side. After a couple of minutes, he sigh in defeat. Hongbin chuckled. Then very uncharacteristically for Hongbin, he readjust his position to let Wonshik settle onto his side comfortably before wrapping his arm around his friend. His left hand in Wonshik’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i realize something yesterday. if this story were to follow actual timeline, it means that Hakyeon and Taekwoon would miss a couple of years in Red Bean's life due to their military conscription.... I don't want that. should i just not include the military cons. at all??


	9. Did you feel that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eunjung is halfway through her pregnancy now. As the due date drew closer, the soon-to-be parents are trying to find the comfortable balance they have with each other amongst the hormones and anxiety.   
> When heart were torn, in pain, and comfort can only be found in each other. It is very tempting to just fall and do what is expected of them. But will it be the best situation for them?

“Hello, I’m coming in now.” Hongbin said as he stepped through the threshold of a comfortable looking apartment. He had opened Eunjung’s apartment door and took off his shoes. He felt bad that he showed himself in, but Eunjung had texted him to do just that along with her security pass key, because her back was hurting and she finally found a comfortable position on the couch.

This is the first time he actually entered Eunjung’s apartment. They have always met outside, either on a café or the hospital, or the few times he had dropped her off. But he never entered her living quarter. It’s a comfortable size for one person to live in, maybe a couple. A typical apartment with a lofted sleeping space.

When Hongbin walked past the entry way of apartment lined with cupboards and the door to the bathroom, true to her words, Hongbin found Eunjung laying on her couch, with a pillow to support the curve of her back. With the belly now grown and very prominent, she doesn’t look unlike a turtle flipped on its back. Every time Hongbin saw the size of her abdomen, he was still shocked. Even though he see her almost every week and she sends him pictures every now and then, seeing it for real still affects him. That hard hitting truth that he is going to be a father.

He set the take out box he had in his hand on the kitchen island, before moving closer to greet her. He peck her on the cheeks before caressing her belly. By now it feels like a comfortable thing to do. “How are you doing?” he asked her as he settled on the floor next to her, so that he can see her face.

“Sore, my back had been merciless. But other than that I’m mostly fine. I don’t feel nauseous anymore. But seriously it’s starting to get really heavy, the feet too. I’m starting to have to sit a lot more in the lab.” She said, looking at him on the floor, they are almost at the same eye level. And her hand reached out to brush his bangs back. He let her, and enjoy the soft comfort her touches offered. “We have an appointment tomorrow. Need to get my blood drawn too, just to see if everything is okay with me.”

“Yep, I will be there. Don’t worry.” He said, his fingers also moving small circle on the swell of her abdomen. “But seriously though, Eunjung-ah, you need to start reducing your lab time. Tomorrow I’m asking the doctor how long you can be in the lab on your feet. I don’t want you to get too exhausted. Your professors are cool with it right?”

“Yeah, I know they are cool with it, like me taking it a little slower. But Bin-ah, I love this project and actually like being in the lab.”

“Is it worth the back pain and your feet swelling though? Remember what dr. Min said, if your push it a little too hard, she will force you on a bed rest and you cannot be near your research at all. It’s way worse then.”  Hongbin reminded her. Threatening her to the possibility of being entirely cut off from her precious research. This got the desired effect, she sighed in defeat.

She then pointed to the kitchen island, “Did you get my ice cream?” Hongbin nodded. “Then why is the plastic bag just lay there in the island?? I wanted ice cream, not soup cream. Put them in the freezer please.” She shot him a sweet smile.

Hongbin got up, and take the ice cream container out of the shopping bag. “Seriously though, Ice cream and seaweed? Is this really your craving? Shouldn’t your craving passed already?” he then busied himself with laying out the lunch he brought her. Him asking where she keeps her plates and utensil, and her pointing at cupboards and drawers.

“Come on, get up. Let’s get you and Red Bean fed.”

“Help me get up.” She said as she extended her hand from her unmoving position on the couch. “I swear I’m only 19 weeks and I’m this big already, I can’t imagine how I will look in a couple of months. I will be the size of a house. God I’m going to look so ugly.” She ranted and Hongbin helped her to her feet with his arms supporting her back before pulling her to her feet.

“No, you don’t look ugly. And I think the bump looks cute on you.” He said, both of his hands now on her shoulder as she stood in front of her full sized mirror, him behind her.

“That’s just your cave-man instinct talking. You only say that because it’s your baby I am carrying, typical men.” She huffed. Then walked to her small kitchen island with the bar stools to enjoy their simple lunch Hongbin had brought. He tried not to get offended.

The conversation flowed easy between the two of them, they talk about anything and everything. They decided if they will not be a married couple with commitments, at the very least they can be friends, and surely co-parenting will be easier that way. They talk about Eunjung’s research and colleagues. They talk about possibility of Red Bean going to baby daycare center, they talk about the room arrangement back in VIXX’s dorm. They talk about Hakyeon’s new obsession with ravaging through online shopping catalogue for a stroller, crib and baby car seat. They joked about the increased occasion of VIXX members coming home with a shopping bag filled with baby stuff. They talk about the possibility of Eunjung breast feeding- which she has considered doing up to 3 months, with breast pump and all. Then they talk about VIXX’s decisions to push their comeback earlier to April instead of May, to get some time gap between the promotional period and the baby getting here.

“Wait, if the comeback will be April, when are you going to be done with the schedules. Roughly?” she asked.

“Middle of May, if things goes well, then even longer than that.” He looked up from his food. He was wary of her next sentence. Already predicting where this conversation is heading, and not liking it, at least not liking where it will leave him in the end.

“So that means, you will not be around when I am, you know, the most pregnant.” She looked at him with intense look, bordering on a glare.

“I know it sounds really bad. But it’s the best thing for the group and the company. I will try to talk to the managers to let me spend most time with you and Red Bean.”

“But you will be too busy, too tired, too preoccupied to care at all…”

“……”

“Bin-ah. I don’t want to be a burden to you, but when we started this you promised me that you will help and you will be around. I didn’t know that I will be left alone when shit is the hardest.”

“You are not alone, Eunjung. I will never leave you alone. Please trust me at least that much.” He reached across the table and took her hand. Sensing that she was on the brink of tears. “I will be there as much as I can, if you have to move in with us, then that’s what we will do.”

“Do you want to haul me off to some weird house with 6 men in them? Makes me feel even more out of my comfort? For what?! So that I can wait for you to come home, like a good little obedient helpless wife?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I WANT?!” emotion got the best of her. Anger and frustration obvious. Her face painted with tears that carries both of their fear and anxiety.

Hongbin slowly moved to her side of the island. Took both of her hands in his. Hands that were hugging herself so tightly as if protecting her from him, creating a wall to keep him out. The posture hurts him, as if she does not trust him. But he knew that he had said the wrong thing by suggesting she moved in to dorm, once again his mouth got ahead of his brain. So he did what he knew best.

He wrapped her arms around himself, getting into her personal cage. Trying to insert himself in her despair, a gesture that he hopes would show her that he will be around until the end of this mess they got themselves into. He put her head to his chest and tuck his own in her hair, arms around her. “Eunjng-ah… we can do this, and we will do this together.” He just heard her sob, and she clutched the back of his hoodie tighter. “Eunjung –ah I’m sorry that we are in this mess. I’m sorry that I was stupid for asking you to drop your life to move with me. I’m sorry that I have caused you all of this stress.” He whispered in hair. Laying bare all of his soul for her to attack.

What she did next surprised him, but he didn’t complain. She looked up, saw his face and put it between both of her palm, transferring the heat. Then she pulled him in and kissed his lips. Close mouthed, quiet, nothing sexual. Just a touch of lips that conveyed all of the fear they shared together, and of an unspoken promise they have in the name of their unborn child. The kiss was long, drawn out, but at no point did it get deeper not moved in a seducing way. But the longer their lips met, the thinner Hongbin strength got. He was the one who broke the kiss, because he was starting to shake. And for the first time, he cried in front of Eunjung. He cried on her shoulder. Showing her the lost and confused boy he actually is, despite his attempt to calculate, to plan and to stay calm.

 

The rest of the day was spend a little more quietly between the two. No more emotionally raising their voices nor tears shed. They figured they need to be able to calm down if they were to have any hope in succeeding this impossible mission they set for themselves. They need to be able to carry their own emotions, keeping them in-check.

The two settled into snuggling on the couch, Hongbin’s tablet was open and they dive into Hakyeon’s new favorite pastime; they went online shopping for Red Bean. The tub of ice cream balanced on Eunjung’s belly. A few giggle here and there when they came across items that just does not make sense, such as marbles that showed smiley faces when it’s submerged in the right temperature water. By the end of the evening, they have managed to put a lot of things in their shopping cart, a few too many milk bottles and onsies all with cute patterns and designs. But they lay off from buying any big ticket items, wanting to make sure how everything would fit into Hongbin’s bedroom and bathroom.

As the night rolled on, with bellies once again full with warm meal that they have delivered to the apartment, Hongbin decided to stay the night. In hindsight, the conversation that went right before Hongbin declared that he was staying over was quite hilarious. With the both of them stating that it’s getting late and suggesting it should be about time Hongbin to leave, but neither ever actually said Hongbin should leave. Neither is willing to detangle from each other, to let go of the warmth that had accumulated between their bodies and anxious minds. Neither was ready to let go of the comfortable feeling this day gave them.

So that night, Hongbin slept in Eunjung’s bed for the first time in a borrowed t-shirt. Her back to his chest, his palm resting on her bump with hers covering it. Hongbin’s defense was that this was too comfortable to let go. Comfortable was how he decided he will try to figure out what is between himself and Eunjung.

 

In the middle of the night, Hongbin was shook awake. With much effort, he peeled his lids open. He was met with Eunjung’s face in the lowlight of her sleeping loft. Her face was excited. Not what he was expecting to be woken up to in the middle of the night. She had shifted to face him now, Red Bean between them.

“Bin-ah, feel this.” As she took his hand and put it on her belly.

“What….?” He was confused why she had done that. It’s not like he never put his hand on her belly before. He looked up at her, face reflecting his confusion.

“Shhtt…. Wait for it..”

And then he felt it. Under his palm, Red Bean moved. The sensation under his hand shocked him awake. His eyes widen. “Is that….?”

“Yes, yes that was Red Bean kicking. This is the first time I felt it.” She said, beaming at him.

He moved his finger, caressing Eunjung’s stretched skin over her soft shirt. Wanting to caress the baby contained within it. To his surprise, the bump moved some more, he felt a push towards his palm. He gasped.

“Look that that. I guess she knows it’s her Appa.” There were happy tears in her eyes. Worlds away from the tear tears shed earlier in the day.

Hongbin looked up at her, his eyes wide awake and excited. Bewilded. His heart was full of feelings it’s threatening to spill over. For a moment his fear and anxiety was replaced with excitement and hope. For the first time he was impatient to meet his little Red Bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what do you think?  
> How do you feel about these two getting closer together, without actually you know, getting closer together. 
> 
> Please leave your comment,   
> be it constructive criticism or just to fan over the boys.  
> Thnx for reading.


	10. You’re still on with it right??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you are asked if you’re still doing the deed.   
> Knowing that it’s quite the awkward spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL OF THE COMEBACK TEASERS ARE KILLING ME!!

Week 20 check-up had been pulled early for the couple. Since their doctor, Dr. Min will be gone for the next couple of weeks, she had a honeymoon trip with her husband to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary. Eunjung felt like it would be better to pull it early than having to switch doctors for the week and explain everything all over again. So that day they leave together from Eunjung’s apartment, Hongbin wearing a borrowed shirt, Eunjung’s brother’s.

This time around it’ quite different, Dr. Min was actually in the room from the beginning instead of just the nurse doing the ultrasound. When the image of Red Bean was clear on the monitor, and the familiar heart thumping feeling filled Hongbin’s chest and butterflied wrestle within his stomach and his legs shook a little by the hospital bed, Dr. Min asked. “Do you guys want to know the sex of the baby? Its 20 weeks, so it’s very clear now. Both of you had never asked, most couple always ask first how soon they can know the sex of the baby.”

Hongbin and Eunjung looked at each other. “I guess I never really took the time to think about it. I sort of just go go go, and things my brothers and I have bought until now are gender neutral. If not a little boy-ish.” Hongbin admitted.

“A little boyish? How?”

“Right you haven’t been to my place, recently my room had been filled with miniature size sneakers. Red Bean already have a few pair of sneakers that matches mine and the members.”

“That is adorable.” Said their doctor. “So do you want to find out? I mean if you know you can start preparing for names and how you are going to decorate the nursery, or toys.”

“I don’t think I would be comfortable with raising Red Bean very much gender specific with all gender coded colors and toys.” Eunjung said as she looked at Hongbin, realizing that Hongbin would be the one to make majority of those decision for the both of them.

“I do agree. Seriously raising Red Bean as any gender have not came to me at all. I think it would be nice just to concentrate of raising a good kid. But Eunjung-ah, being able to prepare for a name would be nice.”

“Well, personally I don’t mind either.”

“You know what, let’s be surprised. Let’s not know.”

“Alright then, if you choose not to know. Then the ultra sound is done. Everything looks good. The baby’s proportion is going well.”

“That’s good to hear. Dr. Min-ssi, I want to ask something about Eunjung.” Hongbin quipped up, making true of his promise yesterday to ask about how long she can stay on her feet. “You know that Eujung spends most of her days in the lab right, she is on her feet a lot. And her back had been hurting. Can you tell her not to spend so much time being up and about?”

“Hey, you promised only to ask how long I can work on my feet, not to ask her to stop me from working on my feet!” Eunjung lightly swatted his arm.

“Ahhahaha... It’s okay Miss Choi, it’s common for the father to be overprotective and worry a little too much. But I don’t think it’s a problem at this stage of the pregnancy. You might as well squeeze out as much activity you can do now, before the bump gets too big and uncomfortable.” With this statement Eunjung turned to Hongbin and stuck her tongue out to him. “But, I would suggest you don’t do it for a continuous amount of time. Like for every 45 minutes you spend standing up, take a seat for 10. And you feel any sort of pain, then lay down. But make sure you are not flat on your back, use some pillow to prop up one side of your hip. So you are not pressing down on your spine and any major blood vessels.”

Hongbin was helping Eunjung get off the examination bed, so that they can sit in front of the doctor’s table. That was when Dr. Min dropped the bomb on them. “Same goes so when you are having sex. Starting from now on, avoid having sex with Miss Choi flat on her back, watch any weight that is pressing one her spine and the bump.” The young pair was so quick to turn their heads to look at their doctor, risking a severe whiplash, face dumbfounded and flabbergasted. “The both of you are still on it right?”

“uuhh…. Ummm” Both of them were awkwardly looking at the walls, anywhere but any other human face.

“It’s safe to have intercourse all though out the pregnancy, though it might be a little uncomfortable in the later weeks. As the baby is already pressing down on the vagina, thus penetration might feel weird.”

“Um... Dr. Min we are not exactly…. Together…”

“I mean both of you do not have to, it’s an option. But then again why not. And I don’t say that you need to be together to enjoy sex. Both of you are adults anyway. And Miss Choi, trust me when I say that sex during pregnancy is one of the more pleasurable experience due to the hormones changing and your reproductive organs more sensitive than usual.” Dr Min made the suggestion so lightly and off-handedly. It made Hongbin felt like an awkward middle scholar kid, given sex-ed for the first time. He was so awkward that his foot got caught on the leg of the chair and made a lot of noise. As if the burning feeling on his face was not enough to pile on his embarrassment.

Eunjung was not in a much better state, her blush was quite obviously high on her cheeks. She was scratching the inside of her wrist with the other hand, a nervous habit Hongbin had noticed she carries. “It does not have to be penetrative, but it does help with the tension and the self-esteem. I know this is true because it did help me on my first pregnancy, when the bump was starting to get obvious and I felt as big as a whale, not at all attractive. Having the intimacy can help with how you are feeling.”

At this point, it seems like Dr. Min was having way too much fun teasing the awkward young pair, they were 25 year olds, but they seemed to appear 15 in this conversation. Puttering around trying to avoid the subject of being sexually active, sexually active with each other. Although obviously futile, since they are at a doctor’s office in an appointment about their child, obviously sex had happened before. At this point Hongbin can no longer tell which one is more uncomfortable, discussing his own sexual life, the doctor hinting that the two of them should shack up, or the prospect of having sex with HIS BABY in the womb, possibility that his dick can actually touch the baby.

After what seemed like endless teasing from their doctor, she moved on to actual baby news and update. Informing them the growth of the fetus and what to expect in the coming weeks then scheduling their next appointment.

That day Hongbin part with Eunjung with an awkward kiss on the cheek and half an embrace, before rushing off to get to the office and record for their upcoming album. Trying to avoid talking about what just happened.

 

When Hongbin walked into the recording studio Jaehwan and Taekwoon was already getting ready to leave for their show. With a quick back patting half hug he said goodbye to his brothers. The only ones left in the studio is a tired and stressed looking Wonshik, trying to find comfort in his furry son plopped on his lap, and their baby Sanghyuk.

“How’s the recording going?” he asked Woshik. Hongbin knows for sure that his friend have yet to leave their chair since VIXX settled in the studio that morning, and he will only move to his own purple lit studio before working himself half to death all over again. This round of recording is not the final recording, this is just the demo they record to get the feel of their tract list, so this round goes faster than their actual recording, they can record a few songs in a day. Before the producers touch up on the song a little more, working with the vocals before deciding if it fits their overall concept.

Usually it does not take a lot of toll on Hongbin, but it sure does takes its toll on Wonshik. Since Wonshik is very much involved in their production, going as far as writing, directing and producing a few of their songs. So the tries to force his brother to take a short break. Get his mind off of things. Hyuk being there did help with keeping things silly and fluid.

Ever since his graduation earlier that month, Hyuk had been having a lot more time to himself. So he has been branching out here and there. Hongbin also see this as a chance to catch up with the youngest member of their circus.

“the recording itself is fine, but it’s just that the more I listen to it, and now with actual vocals other than my own voice tuned a few keys higher. It doesn’t feel right. It’s turning out differently from what I imagined it to be.”

“How so?”

“It’s a little too soft, the feel of the song is not that BOOM as I want it to. You know, with N-hyung singing it, and his timbre. And I’m sure when your voice got added in, it will get even softer. You have that very ballad-y vocals.”

“Let me listen to it.”

“I don’t think it matter, because you can’t hear the version in my head. It will sound just fine, as it is. But it just doesn’t feel, right. You know?” Wonshik moved from the mixing table and slam his body on the couch with Eungdongie on his arms. Seriously the pup is getting too large to be carried around like a baby.

“Speaking of right. I got a question to ask.”

“What is it hyung-ie?” quipped Hyuk from his place on the floor, in front of the low table.

“What do you think about having sex while she is pregnant?”

“Ewwww….” Said Wonshik. “Ew, that’s just. Urgh maaan. Really?! Are you seriously considering it?” his hands reach out to cover Eongdongie’s ears, as if to protect his precious baby from hearing the conversation.

“Well, we haven’t. I don’t know if we would. But today we were at the doctor right. And she was poking us about whether or not we are still doing the down and dirty. I swear to upon the name of the Game Masters, that old lady made me so uncomfortable. She went on about how amazing it would feel and how it would be good for Eunjung and her stress level”

“Your doctor was actually suggesting you still have sex while she was pregnant? Doesn’t it gets creepy, like how close your dick will be to the baby?” Wonshik said. His hands trying to make an air drawing about how close his genital would be to his Red Bean.

“I KNOW RIGHT. IT’S SO WEIRD.”

“But why do you ask though? Did Eunjung said anything about wanting to do it? Has she said anything about wanting to do it WITH YOU?” Wonshik pointed out.

To be honest, Hongbin have not thought about it that way. He was only asking their opinion if Eunjung ever brought it up, so that he can be at least prepared what to say to her if she ever does, the ever prepared man. But he never thought about Eunjung possibly laying with another man while she is still carrying Red Bean. He sort of just think that while she was pregnant, she would remain single or with him –however that may look like with the state of their relationship and what had happened the night before.

Now that Wonshik brought it up, Hongbin found that he is not comfortable with the idea of any penis being that close to Red Bean. He has problem with rationalizing his own penis let alone another man’s. But then again was it his decision to make? Because it is still Eunjung’s body, from the very start they agreed that she had full reign over her decisions and what she wants to do with her life.

In the long pause when Hongbin was dancing with his own thoughts, Wonshik’s attention had already drifted to the million and one things he is currently balancing in his plate.

“What difference does it make anyway? It’s not like she can get pregnant again if you fuck her while a baby is already in there. At least this time around, no lives will get ruined.” Their youngest member broke the silence. As he got up, gathered his coat and backpack before leaving the room without any more words.

His words cracks like a whip in Hongbin’s mind. The bitterness in his voice, the crude words their maknae choose, and the accusation that was heavily intertwined in the short sentence. Hongbin looked down to his hands.

There goes his chance to catch up with the younger man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, i want to ask something....   
> Is it bad that i kinda feel discouraged because of the low Hit of this work.  
> I feel like people are not clicking on it. 
> 
> Do you think it's something i need to worry about?  
> Do you think there are ways I can improve the hit rate of this story?


	11. Am I Holding it Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongin tried his best to prepare for when his life would change forever, as he start on an at least 19 years work contract.

The thing with VIXX is that even when they consider themselves as brothers, they don’t just do anything for free and running to each other at a moment’s notice. There are always calculation or paybacks. Because if they don’t keep tabs, they will be stretching themselves too thin and ended up in way too many hospital beds. So when Hakyeon asked Hongbin to accompany him to another movie premier, instead of asking for the monetary value of that public appearance, Hongbin asked for a favor instead.

In turn, Hongbin asked Hakyeon to accompany him to go somewhere that he absolutely need to go, but absolutely does not want to go alone. And the only person that can survive and maybe be useful to him in the long run.

So that is how currently Lee Hongbin and Cha Hakyeon stands in the middle of a parenting class. Towering over everyone else in the room, which mostly consist of rounded pregnant ladies. Some accompanied by their loyal husband. Unfortunately for Hongbin, he was not able to line up his schedule with Eunjung’s to go to the class together.

They are very much used to getting looks when they go anywhere, being as tall as they are when there are more than just one of them in the room they were bound to grab attention. They were also used to the fact that men and women gives them a second look just to check them out. But they were not ready when they walked in the class and were welcomed with dirty looks from a few couples.

Hongbin don’t usually write much in social media and the fancafe, but he sure does read many of the things written in the internet. He was aware of the portion of their fanbase that ships him together with Hakyeon, due to the frequency of them seen together in public appearances and pictures. But he doesn’t really think that they actually do look like a couple when they were just out and about in their regular people face. So the dirty looks thrown their way was really uncalled for. Even if they do look like a couple, the nasty look is still uncalled for.

So the class starts with the instructor distributing a basket to each table tops. On the very top of the basket is a creepily realistic looking doll of an infant. “Hello future moms and dads, we are going to start the class today. Meet your baby, you can name them. The size of baby that we have this time is a newbord, up to 3 weeks old. We are going to start learning from the very beginning. The weight and length of the baby is quite accurate to the average size of newborns in South Korea. So let’s try lifting the baby. Let’s start with how to properly carry a newborn.”

Hongbin looked around, next to him couples are experimentally lifting the bundled up dummy doll. Trying to lift it by the arms. He hopelessly look at Hakyeon, for a sign of what to, because he was honestly still a little creep out by the baby doll. Hakyeon being the ever encouraging leader that he is, pushes the basket closer to Hongbin. “Try picking the baby up, I have no problems with babies. I’ve got a niece and a nephew. Make sure you support the neck.”

Hesitantly Hongbin reached out and grab the side of the doll wrapped in blanket by its side, and lift up. From next to him he heard a soft chuckle. The instructor who had been walking around the room had made it to his side. The small lady was looking at the way he was holding up the doll. “That’s not how you should ever lift a newborn. If you hold them by their side, their neck is not supported, and their head can lolled back. It’s quite dangerous if it snapped a little too hard. Only do this to your baby when they are at the 2 months age mark.

“Here let me help you.” The instructor takes the swaddled doll out of his hands. As naturally as breathing comes to her, the slides her forearm along the back of the doll and holding the head on her hand. “See this is how you should hold the baby when you want to move them. I’m going to show you the cradle hold. Hold your minor arm in a cradle.” Hakyeon came behind him and help getting his arm in position, then the lady place the doll in his arm. Confidently she grab his forearm and pushing it closer to his own body, making the hold snug around the baby doll. “Relax sir, most of the time your baby can feel it if you are anxious and afraid. And that can unsettle the baby, so have confidence when you are holding and picking up the baby.” Hongbin did not even realize that he was tense. Right now he does not know was it the discomfort of holding a plaything baby or the actual fear of making a mistake when he is holding his child and injuring him or her permanently. He felt Hakyeon’s warm hand on his shoulder, firm and comforting. He tried to calm his nerve.

“Good job, now let your partner try holding the baby. Let’s see how you will transfer the baby.” She points to Hakyeon and the front of the room, when a video of how to transfer a baby from one hold to another is playing on repeat.

Hongbin tried to copying the way the model’s way carefully balancing the baby in two hand and placing it on the arm of someone else, not far from how the instructor did it when she place the doll in his arm. Hakyeon was true to his word, his hold on the doll looks much more natural that his. His body accommodating the new weight automatically, making a secure ground for a baby. “Good job, this is not the first time you are holding a baby I guess.”

Hakyeon shoots her a charming smile, “I’ve had experience with babies. I’m here to help this hopeless future dad.” Nodding his head to Hongbin’s direction. At that their instructor giggled. Then she left their table to announce that they are going to try different holds with the baby.

As the class goes on Hongbin felt a little less freaked out by the uncannily realistic baby doll, and more confident in handling the small weight. One thought dawned on Hongbin, the weight is so small, so light in his hands. Maybe the reason he was hesitant is because the weight had been too light and he’s afraid that when it’s actually Red Bean he is holding, the baby would just fly out of his hand. Hopefully that won’t happen.

 A few times he tried to pick up the doll from the table, holding it upright while supporting in on the back of the neck and bottom. One particular hold was quite challenging, the chest to chest hold, the female students in the class does it with ease, with their bosoms perfectly fit and supports the baby’s head as they tilt the weight to their own body. But with Hongbin and his flat muscular chest, it’s proven to be a bit trickier. But after a few adjustment from their instructor and Hakyeon, it started to feel more natural.

His confidence had been short lives though, because soon comes the difficult part. Swaddling the baby. The instructor said that it’s necessary to be able to swaddle an infant snuggly, especially when they are sleeping, since it mimics the feeling of being hold and it restricts the movement of their limbs that can jerk them awake. Hongbin initially thought that it’s not going to be that hard, and if it became too hard he will just forego swaddling all together. He thinks that it looks like a cage and suffocating the baby. But he tried anyway.

So he started with having the doll in the middle of the table on top of a folded blanket. Folding the blanket properly is already proven to be challenge, with Hakyeon and the instructor reminding him that he cannot be too concentrated in actually folding and pay attention to the baby too. His first try was only short of pathetic, the doll looks like it’s a packed lunch wrapped in pattern handkerchief.

“Bin-ah, I know you call your baby Red Bean, but it doesn’t mean that you have to tie them like it’s a bowl of Red Bean soup. Ya, your baby is going to turn blue in 3 minutes.” Hakyeon laughing at the way Hongbin wrapped the blanket twice around the doll and tightly tying the ends of the blanket across.

Second try it is. This time he tries to not wrap the blanket too right. But instead it looks like the baby doll was drowned in a sea of blanket, it being wrapped too loosely around the body. “It’s okay Appa, keep on trying.” Said another instructor, this time it was a man similarly dressed with the small lady that had stopped on their table earlier. Honestly Hongbin is starting to get frustrated, because next to him Hakyeon was doing fine with swaddling, his hands quick and precise. “Look around.” The instructor pointed at several tables around him, pointing at all the future fathers and a few frustrated mothers. “They are also struggling, you are not the only one. That is why you are in this class that is why we are here to help you, because not everyone is as good as your partner here. Come on let’s try again. This time try to keep one of your hand between each folded layers, so that you can sense how tight or loose the wrap is.” He said encouragingly.

The words of encouragement lift his spirit a little. Hongbin had been so used to suppressing any of his genuine emotion in order to keep a calm face during harder times that it had come naturally to him. So often times he did not realize that his spirit was slowly slipping down. Only when he felt someone else tried to lift it up did he realize his feelings and emotions have shifted.

He had heard all his life that being a parent comes naturally to you. So he had expected to just breeze through this parenting class. He had not expected that he would be doing so many things wrong. To struggle with the most basic of tasks. It makes his mind wander to the darker part of his own consciousness, questioning himself whether or not he will be able to be a good enough father for Red Bean. But here, in the class, looking around the room to witness that he was not the only one trying to blindly reach out in the path towards parenthood, it calmed him down a little.

So with a deep breath he tried again. Carefully wrapping the blanket around the make believe baby, keeping in mind to control the tension of the swaddle. AND HE DID IT! Neat folds and all. He yelped in celebration, congratulating himself. He nudged Hakyeon to show off his accomplishment, and the two throw a mini celebratory party. Thumb wiggle and all.

Before a minute pass, though, the blanket come undone all over the table. Hongbin and Hakyeon burst out laughing.

Then the class moved on to discuss a few other important point; how to feed the baby, then burping them, how often to feed the baby, how much to feed the baby, and the importance of creating a bond with the child. The instructor suggested a regular skin to skin cuddle time, with the parents or anyone that will be raising the child as a parent figure. In the two hour mark they were sent home with a tote bag full of reading material and pamphlets. Next meeting is going to be about Poops and how to clean them off of your child. Hearing this, Hakyeon promptly tell Hongbin that he has work to do and therefore cannot attend the next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far, please bear with me <3  
> Please leave a comment, it's my own personal fuel to keep writing~
> 
> and
> 
> THE COMEBACK IS TODAY!!  
> OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!


	12. Dares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January and February VIXX had been busy with individual schedules and projects, only a few times did they get together in stages. But the apartment had been relatively empty. So it’s not a wonder that brothers misses each other a little too much.

Nirvana release, VIXX LR complete Japanese Album release, Titanic, Twinkle Twinkle Hearing, VIXX LR Japanese Tour, Real-Live. Just some of the things that had kept the brothers apart. People are hardly ever home.

So the moment that all of their schedules concluded at the same time, Hongin, Wonshik and Jaehwan forced themselves to go out and be at each other’s company. It was the day after Wonshik’s concert and Jaehwan’s last show. They decided that they would grab a bite to eat and then settle on a bar somewhere discreet before making their way home. They had hoped that other members can join them too, but Taekwoon still had stages for the next month and were ordered to get at least 8 hours of sleep a day from the show director to protect the quality of voice, the granpa had to skip the drinking, Hakyeon had a radio show to talk through and Hyuk had a rehearsal for a dance piece he was publishing soon. But when we offered him to join them after his rehearsal was done, he came up with another thing he had to do, Hongbin suspected it’s just excuses to not see him. So that leaves 3/6 of VIXX.

Jaehwan had been devastated to know that his last show was during the same day of Wonshik’s last day of concert, their time on stage overlapping. Back when the date for Wonshik’s solo had been decided the Titanic stage was already in full swing and ticket had gone on sale, thus he cannot re negotiate his contract so that he will be able to not attend the show and have someone else play his role. But don’t say that Lee Jaehwan did not try.

This is the first day of Wonshik’s freedom. He was given a break until the end of the week, so he can enjoy his birthday in peace. Break for Kim Wonshik meaning that Jellyfish had to talk to the other members of Groovlin –Wonshik’s crew- to change the key combination of their studio office and not tell Wonshik, because that man will try to get back to work before he was supposed to.

 

So the night started with a massive dinner. Jaehwan was hell bent of buying them dinner. He said he felt bad about missing Wonshik’s concert and have to make up for it anyhow. So they went to a grill place and Jaehwan pulled out all of the stops on ordering the juiciest meat for Wonshik that had been though a meat-celibacy for the last 3 months due to his obsessive attention to his diet. To be honest Hongbin did not think it was necessary, since Wonshik is someone who is naturally thin, so he will not accumulate much fatty layers on top his muscles, thus not ruining the muscle definition. But alas his friend insisted on a very dry lean bulking method to prepare for the strip show that some people call his solo concert.

So the meat piled on their table, and it had the desired effect. Wonshik’s eyes sparkles and Hongbin sure there were a few tears that was threatening to fall. Seriously, Wonshik had been crying too much lately. How Wonshik still have this effect and excitement at seeing meat even after the celebratory meat fest he has with his dance crew last night was beyond him. Initially Hongbin had insisted that he too pay, but he was refused in cold blood.

Jaehwan had said, “Ya, Appa Hongbin, you are about to be very poor soon, just go save your money.”

Hongbin looked at him in confusion, sure he does not make as much money as Jaehwan and Wonshik, but he is by no means poor. Nor going to be poor soon.

“Aish, you’re going to have a baby. They are expensive, you also needs to get many insurance and started a college saving for Red Bean.”

That warmed his heart, that the members are already starting to think about Red Bean past the mere  novelty of being born and be cute, but actually his/her future. On the outside, Jaehwan may look childish and more often than not he acts so, with his short temper and clinginess. But on rare moments like this he shows that he actually is a hyung, by thinking about the wellbeing of his juniors.

So they dived into their food, Jaehwan in charge of grilling and Wonshik in charge on moaning at every single bit he took. That man really does a very unhealthy relationship with his meat. As the dinner goes on, the drink poured on. Ever since the last time Hongbin drank in a large amount and ended up with news of a baby, he had been avoiding drinking casually. Monitoring his intake strictly. He no longer trust his ability to gauge whether or not he is drunk. So Hongbin is the one in charge of refilling their soju glasses.

As the night goes on, Hongbin who was seated next to Jaehwan who was seated across from Wonshik had a front row seat on how his friend was looking at their main vocal. Eyes alight, cheekbones pushed high and dusted with a little color from his tipsiness and the heat from the grill, nose crinkling with what can only be a sign of adoration. The kind of look that Hongbin knew too well. The kind of look that Hongbin always try to intercept. Because that look means that Wonshik is no longer in full control of his consciousness, let alone his emotions, and it’s threatening to spill over and show.

These are the moments that everyone in the group trying to stop before something happen. As much as fans want to believe in the level on intimacy that they have with each other in true to a deeper root, most of them are not. Most of their touches with each other are based on clowning around of pure feeling of brotherhood and the need to protect and crave of protection. But between Wonshik and Jaehwan, it was not as far from what their fans hoped. Or at least in a way.

Soon they pulled themselves out of the restaurant and made their way to the nearby bar, to talk and drink some more. A moment of celebration in their lives, that they had made it this far this early. Or the fact that have made it at all. On their way there, Wonshik had been giggling a tad too much, with his heightened alcohol level. In this state he found every single thing that Jaehwan did adorable and in need of praising. And Jaehwan was in no power to resist and kept on piling the cutesiness, with every adoring giggle from Wonshik, his smile gets higher.

When they settles in the bar, their seating arrangement change, Wonshik had planted himself next to Jaehwan on the booth and Hongbin sat across from them. Their conversation was easy, as it always was amongs the 3 of them. They were close in age, to a point where Jaehwan doesn’t feel like he is older somehow. Sometimes he even consider that amongst the three of them it’s Wonshik that is the most mature. But hey, here he is the only one going to be a father and Wonshik is the one giggling like a school girl in love, though he might as well be.

At this point the concept for their comeback is nearly done, the costumes were designed and the characters were set. They were at the point of deciding the overall look for each member, while Wonshik was still clawing though his brain for new ideas and songs. That is also one of the reason why he had been put on a break, so that he can get new perspective in filing in songs for the new album. Refresh his ears from the continuous obsessive ways he process all of their arrangements. Since it’s a full album this time around, it’s a lot more work and at this point only half of their track list is finalized.

“Binn-ah, I dare you to do something new for the come back.” Jaehwan said after a gulp of his beer soju combo. “I have been reading comments on the fan café, and your hair colors had been a running joke. We haven’t even announce the comeback and they are already predicting what we will look like. I swear Starlight are something else.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Lee Hongbin, I dare you to dye your hair pink!”

“I already did that before. Think of something more original please.”

“Right… you did pink already. Alright, I dare you to have a light baby blue hair, since you did light baby pink already.” Next to Jaewhan Wonshik nodded in excitement, agreeing with the idea.

“What do I get out of it?” Hongbin poked, not wanting to give in the comfortable brown that easily. He very much enjoy not having to worry about re touching his roots every month, that is the reason why Wonshik dyed his hair black again not long after their Shangri-la release.

“Uuuhhh………….” Jaehwan look around, trying to offer some benefit to Hongbin.

“Here, I tell you what, let’s make this a bet. We all do it. If you win, you keep being boring. If you lose, you dye your hair blue.” Wonshik rescued the man he just wrapped his arm around in the pretense of leaning in closer to Hongbin. “To make it fair, we both will do it too.”

“Hey, that’s fun!”

“Okay, what’s the wager?”

“Lee Hongbin, I dare you to get that girl right there to buy you a drink. And don’t think about cheating!!”

“HEY!! That’s not fair!! You want me to flirt with her? Dude, you know I hate shit like that!”

“If it’s easy, it won’t be a dare!” Jaehwan defended the rapper. Both were leaning on their table, face expectant and challenging, both uniformly wiggle their eyebrows at him, it’s comical really, Jaehwan’s brows are not far from caterpillar like while Wonshik barely has any without makeup on.

With a sigh he reluctantly got up, and approach the girl Wonshik had pointed at, she was sitting alone on the bar. He really don’t know what to do, Hongbin had never been into this, and has always been bad at this. He was never comfortable with using his looks to get people to bend to his will.

“Hey, you alone tonight?” he tried.

The girl looked up from her drink, looked at him and take his form up and down. “That was a really boring start, but you’re cute. I will let it slide.” She seemed to be interested, shifting in her stool to face him.

“Um… So… have you had these friend that are so annoying, you want to strangle them?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“But then you realize you love them too much? And your life would be boring without those idiots?”

She giggled, “Yes yes, I know what you mean. Aren’t they just the worse? They keep you in and just never let go.”

“Yeah, so for me it’s those two.” He pointed over his shoulder to their booth, then turned to look at them. And true to their characterization about being weird, they are waving back at him. At the antics the girl laughed. “But they are cute too, wow. Attractive men really do hang out with attractive men huh.”

“Well, the charm really faded after about 10 minutes.” She shot them another glance, assessing. “So, do you have any idea how I can get rid of them?”

That seemed to get the conversation going for the two, Hongbin was getting her attention and able to drag himself through the conversation. So he made himself comfortable and sat on the stool next to her. And he was about to get that drink until she slides her hand up his thigh, and moving in closer.

“What if we have one more drink and then we get out of this place? I will help you get rid of them at least for tonight.” She whispered in his each.

Instead of warming up to her idea and his nearing victory and avoiding blue hair, Hongbin froze. This was far too familiar for him to be comfortable with, this was the telltale sign of another drunken fuck. She was going to be another Eunjung, and he just couldn’t take it. So he removed her hand from his thigh and got up. Thank her for the attention and apologizing to have wasted her 15 minutes, and instead order her a drink to be billed to his table. Then wished her a good evening before heading back to his booth. His heart on his throat and his head swimming.

“WHAT! LEE HONGBIN YOU ALMOST HAD HER.” Jaehwan being unnecessarily loud as usual. “I mean, yeah I want you to get the blue hair, but damn.”

Wonshik had a grin across his small jaw “Lee Hongbin, we hereby sentence you to blue-hair-dom.”

Hongbin thinks it was a worth sacrifice than having to stay in that conversation. Because honestly he had felt very guilty. He felt like he was luring this girl into the world of whirlwind and sacrifice he had dragged Eunjung into. That was just too much for his head to handle.

He tried to shake it out of his system. “Come on, it’s your turn now.” Nodding to Jaehwan from behind his beer bottle.

“Lee Jaehwan I dare you to do 3 cartwheels in a row. If you fail to land on anything else but your feet, we are piercing your ears. Tonight. Right after this.” Wonshik challenged.

“Aaaahh… Shikk-ah, I’ve been drinking!” Jaehwan whined, once again pulling out all the stops on trying to be cute to get a lighter challenge. Wonshik’s resolve looked like it was crumbling, but all he did was squeeze Jaehwan’s chin.

“That’s why it’s a challenge, my lovely Jyannie. If it’s easy, why bother.” Honey dripping from his words.

“Alright, but if I break anything. I blame it on you.”

“Enough talk Lee Jaehwan” Hongbin hurry his hyung along, one part wanting to see Jaehwan attempt a cartwheel, one part wanting to get the heavy flirting away from him.

So, Jeahwan stand in the spaces between their booth and the tables, securing himself a strip of clear floor on the only halfway filled bar. He raised his hands above his head to prepare for the move. Mind you, Jaehwan wasn’t the best with his body and he can barely land a cartwheel when he is sober, let alone tipsy like he is now. Wonshik must’ve really wanted to push Jaehwan to get that piercing.

Just as everyone and their mother predicted, Jaehwan failed his challenge. He actually landed his first tumble, though he barely made it from face planting on the table next to them. But he had stood up too quickly and didn’t take enough time to re-center before attempting the 2nd round. So he still have some momentum from the previous turn and swaying around and instead of landing on his feet he ended up on his sorry ass.

Apparently seeing Jaehwan on the floor rubbing his ass is the best entertainment for Wonshik. His booming laugh filled the space. His eyes disappeared before he stumble out of the booth and tumble his way to Jaehwan. Hugging his body on the floor and ‘help’ him rub his sore ass. Before the two somehow manage to get back in the booth and got the volume of their laughing-crying-shrieking combo under control.

“Hongbin, look up the nearest certified tattoo and piercing shop. We gonna get this done tonight.” Wonshik said.

“Aaaa… Wonshik, I’m scared. You said it hurts, this baby don’t like ouwies” Jaehwan tried to wiggle out of his deal.

“It’s okay, it’s not that bad. You can squeeze my hand.” Wonshik reassured with his arm around Jaehwan. “Okay, last part. What do you have for me?!”

“Shik, I dare you to a pink hair. Bright pink.” Hongbin rose to the occasion, he will not be the only one with the weird hair color this come back. “You’ve never had pink before right. I think it’s the only color you’ve never had.”

“I haven’t had green.”

“Eww… Leave green to N-hyung. And Daeguni grossly faded hair.” Jaehwan quipped. Having sufficiently rub the pain out of his butt. “But I want Shikkie in purple. Like candy purple. Shikkie looks good in purple hair.”

“So which is it? Pink or Purple?

“Oh I know. Make this a 3 way challenge, if I win Shikkie goes pink, if Jaehwan win you go purple, if you somehow win then you save your ass.”

“Alright deal!”

“Okay, so Kim Wonshik, I challenge you to not laugh. Go take a swig of your beer. Keep the in your mouth, do not swallow. And Hongbin and I will try to make you laugh. If you spit it at Hongbin’s joke, he wins. If you laugh at my jokes, I win.”

The look on Wonshik’s face shows how hopeless he is. Amongst the members, Wonshik is the one that can never holds in a laugh. Even without any external provocation, this man can just billow out a laugh. “A taste of your own medicine mister.” He knows that by the end of the night, it will be decided whether or not he will have either pink or purple hair. Swallowing his fate, he took a gulp of beer, he swallows this one before taking another one and holding the liquid in his cheeks.

“Okay, let me start.” Jaehwan’s eyes alight, rubbing his palm in front of him. He knows that this is going to be an easy one. But instead of coming up with a job, he just screamed really loudly, pterodactyl style. He knows that the way his face looks never fails to crack Wonshik up.

But surprisingly, Wonshik manage to hold on. Gripping the table edge so tight and his jaw so tense Hongbin kind of feared for his life. Then it was his turn, Hongbin spill out some stupid pun. Seeing that Hongbin had failed, Jaehwan piled in. then Hongbin piled in, then Jaehwan piled in with even more stupid jokes. Soon no one cared whose turn it was and they were just saying silly stuff on top of one another.

Really at this point, Wonshik looked so tortured. The muscle of his face is numb.

And only after about 2 minutes and a half, he spurt his beer all over the table.

“EEWWW!!! SHIKK-AH!! YOU’RE SO DIRTY” Jaehwan said, while laughing and hitting Wonshik’s shaking shoulder. Wonshik is laughing and wheezing, his forehead on the wet table.

“You guys are merciless. I swear I could’ve died. I don’t even know who made me crack finally.”

“So we both made you laugh? So we both win?” Jaehwan started his celebratory dance already.

“Accept it Shik, you are going to have half pink, half purple head. Here’s to our new looks” Hongbin raised his glass for a toast, warmth filled him.

 

That night, Jaehwan came on with a bag of frozen peas plastered to both sides of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are there enough starlights alive to read this update? or did everyone got murdered by the comeback?
> 
> This update is a little longer, because it was fun to write, and i can't split it into 2 chapters~  
> Can anyone guess what it happening between Wonshik and Jyannie?


	13. Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything had gone smoothly with the pregnancy, Hongbin had now gotten used to the idea of him preparing for a child and had started making plans.   
> So it’s about time that life turn Hongbin’s life upside down again.

February 14, 2018.

Valentine’s Day.

Being single it meant nothing to him.

Had never meant anything. And he made sure to let the world know by posting it on social media

So it was a day of supposed calm and online shopping for Hongbin. He had finally measure his room and calculate the space he had for the baby stuff. With a sigh of resignation he had made the decision that if he wants to have the baby crib in his room, he will have to move his gaming station outside to the living room. That had been his only option, since they do not have a spare room to turn into a nursery. As idols, their clothes room are very important, that being a shared space between the members and their stylist team.

The day had gone smoothly, he had managed to buy a small bathtub that would fit in their bathroom and kitchen counter. Hakyeon hyung had told him, it was quite convenient to bathe the baby in the kitchen for the earlier part of their infanthood. He has no argument to rebut that and refuse to bathe his baby in the kitchen for as long as it’s not in that actual kitchen sink, since when his oldest sister had her first baby he was too busy to visit long and often, and he had not been involved in the baby bathing process.

He was about to order the baby crib online, but decided against it. He thought it would be nice to actually go to a store and look at the actual thing. To get the sense of the scale of the item. So he called his manager to see when he can drag one of them, preferable with baby and furniture building experience to IKEA to look at cribs and changing station. Hah, Hongbin finally look up what a changing station is, and he decided it’s a handy thing to have for storage as well.

It was just past midday and Hongbin was having lunch in between Overwatch matches, trying to enjoy the privilege of having his gaming station in his room before he had to move it out to their living space. That was when his phone rings.

“Hello.. Eunjung, what’s up?”

“Are you seated?”

“I am. Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Red Bean okay?”

“I don’t want you to panic okay. Calm down, it’s going to be fine. But right now I’m on my way to the hospital….”

“Why are you going to the hospital? You don’t have an appointment. Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know yet, but I was at my lunch break and I was bleeding… So my partner is driving to the hospital, we are taking her car.”

“What do you mean you are bleeding?”

“Well, I went to the bathroom and there were blood on my panties. It’s a little heavier than just spotting. So I am a little worried. But I am not feeling any pain other than the usual. There’s no cramping no twisting. So I hope I am clear from miscarriage…”

“What do you mean miscarriage?! EUNJUNG!!”

“No, no, no, I said I have a good chance that it is not miscarriage, because I don’t feel any pain. It’s just that I’m worried, so I called the hospital and they say I should just come in as soon as possible. So I am on my way there.”

Hongbin can hear the slight panic in her voice, in the way that she was trying to rationalize her situation to try to get it way from the worst case scenario. His heart was racing, he doesn’t know what to do. He was so scared the moment she said bleeding, because as far as he knows, pregnant woman are not supposed to bleed. At all.

“Hongbin-ah, can you please come to the hospital? I don’t want to do this alone. After driving me, I am sending my partner back to the university, both of us can’t be away.”

“Yes, yes of course. I’m going now, text me where you are okay. We will be fine. Both of you will be alright.”

“Yeah, we’re fine. We will be fine.” It was the quiet prayer they say to each other. Hoping for the best of the situation.

Then he hung up. His heart still racing as he change out of his tattered home clothes, trying to find his shoes and wallet and coat and watch. In the process of trying to gather his wit, he had made a lot of ruckus.

“Hongbin-ah, what are you doing? Why are you knocking down everything?!” Jaehwan shouted from his room. He was getting ready to go out.

“Gotto get ready fast, I’m going to the hospital. And I think I will be with Eunjung tonight if she is discharged. If she is not I might stay in the hospital”

“HAH?! WHAT HAPPEN?!” Jaehwan ran out of his room, worry painted in his eyes. He was still in the middle of getting ready, pants in one hand comb in the other. The general view was just hilarious.

“We don’t know yet, I will tell you as soon as I know.” Hongbin manage to shove his feet into socks and shoes and his arms into a coat. “I’m going now.”

He pretty much jammed the button of their elevator trying to get it to move faster and then bolted out of the front door trying to catch a taxi as fast as possible. He thought about taking the car, but honestly right now he is in no condition to drive. He is too worried and too anxious. When he finally got a taxi, he gave the address of the hospital to the driver. He felt sorry for the driver ahjussi, because Hongbin was hurrying his so much. Causing stress to the driver in the lunch hour rush.

During the car ride he had opened the 6 VIXX group chat.

_Guys, I’m heading to the hospital now._

_Eunjung called me earlier, she said she had a bleeding._

_Please pray that everything is alright._

_Please pray that both Red Bean and Eunjung is fine._

N-Hyung : _OMG!! It’s so scary. She is already over 20 week right?!_

N-Hyung : _I hope everything is alright._

N-Hyung : _Keep us updated Bean._

PaboShik : _Damn man, I hope everything is alright with the little baby._

PaboShik : _And mommy too._

Jaehwan : _Binn-ah keep us updated okay._

Jaehwan : _Tell us if you need anything._

Jaehwan : _I can bring things to you if you need them._

Daeguni-Hyung : _I will ask all of the cast member to pray for Red Bean._

Daeguni-Hyung : _Wait, can I do that?_

Daeguni-Hyung : _I mean they don’t know who Red Bean is._

Daeguni-Hyung : _Nah, I will just tell them it’s my niece._

Daeguni-Hyung : _Tell me the address of the hospital. I will go there after the show._

_Thank you guys._

_I swear I’m so scared._

_And shit, why are there traffic?!_

_Go back to your fucking office, stop driving around during work hours!!_

_Hyung, you don’t have to force to come._

_I will tell you as soon as I know what is happening._

_I really hope that Red Bean I okay._

_I’m at the hospital now, I’ll get back to you later okay._

After what feels like forever, the taxi pulled up in front of the hospital. And Hongbin quickly pay the driver. Telling him to keep the change and apologize for his trouble. He checked for any text from Eunjung, because he doesn’t know where she is.

About 5 minutes earlier she had texted him that she is currently in the Emergency Room. Some test are being done to her, and if she is not there, then they have probably moved her to the maternity ward.

So Hongbin ran to the doors of the emergency room. This is the first time he had enter the building from the public entrance. Having been entering through the private entrances to avoid being spotted. This time around being spotted and photographed was the least of his worry. He quickly walk to the receptionist table, hoping that his legs were longer so he can reach it faster. He almost tripped on an old man, thank God he was able to stop himself before walking straight to the poor man. This gave him time to breath, to catch his breath, to attempt to regulate his heart rate.

“Excuse me, can you point me to a patient named Choi Eunjung? She should’ve just gotten here.”

“May I know what relation do you have with her? I cannot just release the information to anyone.”

Hongbin almost slipped-up and just said to the worker that he is her husband and the father of the baby. He was about to reveal his position and lie to the lady at the same time. But he quickly come up with a white lie. “I am a friend, she called me earlier to accompany her, since she is alone.”

The lady the look down to the screen hidden behind the reception counter, typing in things into the system. Then she made a phone call, with hushed voice. Before finally looking up and telling Hongbin to follow her. She got up as she waved another one of her colleague to take her place manning the counter as she escort Hongbin to where he hoped Eunjung is. He was taken quite deep into the Emergency Room. They had passed the rooms with the lines of beds where people usually are. With each step the lady lead him through, the deeper they walk into the ER the more worried he got. The more hopeless he felt. Then the lady turn, slide open a door to call out is anyone really expecting a man named Lee Hongbin. After hearing a positive answer from beyond the door, only then she let him in.

Inside the room was a few beds, but only one was occupied. There lay Eunjung in a blue hospital gown, she was laying down and talking to someone in a medical coat. She don’t look pale, but quite drained and de-energized. He quickly made his way to her and take her hand in his. She acknowledge him with a squeeze of her hand.

“So we need to move you to the maternity ward to be able to conduct further test. But since you do not experience any pain and your bleeding is not severe I would not worry too much about the baby. But from what we can see if that the bleeding is not caused by any external factor such as pathogens or virus, the result of your blood test will be sent to your doctor. We are currently contacting the maternity ward, and your doctor to make sure she is ready for you. I wish you an easy delivery mam.” Then the doctor left Eunjung’s bed side table. All through the explanation, Hongbin had been running his thumb back and forth on the back of Eunjung’s hand, offering some kind of comfort.

He turned to look at her. “So how are you feeling?”

“A little weak, but I don’t know how much of it is actually because of the bleeding, how much of it is me being panicked and worried. Thank you for making it here so quickly. What were you doing?”

“Oh I was just having lunch at home, I have a recording a little later, but don’t worry about it. I can do it some other day.”

“Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t want to get in the way of your work. You already have to pull the comeback forward because of all this”

“Don’t worry about it. Red Bean and your health comes first. The other members can record first.”

“I’m really scared Bin-ah, I jump to the worst possible conclusion. I thought I would lose Red Bean.”

Hongbin wrapped his arms around her, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “I hope everything will be alright.”

“I’m still scared, before you got here, the doctor told me that if the bleeding doesn’t stop it might just be a more serious problem. And I don’t think the bleeding has stopped.” She said right into his ear. The grip that she had on his back got tighter. “I’m sorry if I made you worry, with walking so much. But I ask if they could give me a more private room. You know so we can avoid being seen.”

Hongbin was touched by her consideration, amazed that she had thought it through even when she was in the middle of a scary emergency. He whispered his thanks as they pulled apart.

“Excuse me, Miss Choi? We are ready to transfer you to the maternity ward.” Said a nurse, she was pushing a wheel chair.

Then slowly they transferred Eunjung off the hospital cot, Hongbin carrying most of her weight. Making sure Eunjung had her clothes and purse. Then Hongbin took control of pushing the wheel chair, the nurse walking in front of them.

They got to a familiar floor of the Hospital, and Dr. Min is already waiting for them. “Miss Choi, Mr. Lee. Let’s get you checked up.” And she led the two to a different room, not her usual office. The room appears to be an actual hospital room that Eunjung would be staying at. “We will do the examination here. I would like to avoid moving you around too much, and this examination is going to be a little more invasive that usual. I have to scan inside of your vagina. I would love to not to it, as it might risk aggravating the cervix, but I’m afraid it’s necessary to know the whole situation.”

Then they moved Eunjung to the bed as Dr. Min is setting up the equipment. Some energy had returned to Eunjung, but Hongbin is not letting her move too much on her own, he secretly enjoys the way she is leaning into him.

“Alright, we can get started now. Do you want Mr. Lee to stay in the room?” the doctor asked before beginning the examination.

“Umm…..” Eunjung hesitated.

“It might be a little graphic, as there is a chance that you are still bleeding right now.”

“Can he stay here without seeing---- you know… everything?”

“Yes, Mr. Lee can stay by your head, and if he is feeling nauseated, he can always leave the room.”

“Hongbin-ah… will you stay?” Eunjung looked up, eyes pleading to Hongbin.

“Of course.” And he took his position standing next to her, her sweaty nervous hand in his. As the nurse that helped them before covered Eunjung’s lower half with a paper blanket.

For once Dr. Min does not say anything as she was examining Eunjung’s abdomen. Just pressing and gliding the ultrasound handle across, occasionally pressing a few buttons on the machine. The she asked Eunjung to bend her knees up a little so they can began the vaginal examination. She adjusted Eunjung’s position a little before going under the paper cover and positioning the thinned transducer.

Hongbin felt a squeeze on his hand, and Eunjung whispered, “She’s in there now.” Honestly Hongbin does not know how to react nor how to think.

“O….kay?”

“Miss Choi, are you feeling any pain right now??”

“No, doctor. Just a little uncomfortable.”

“Does it feel like a light cramp?”

“Yes… is it something bad? Is everything going to be okay?”

“No, if it’s only a slight cramp that’s fine. Alright, the examination is finished. I might need a while to process these and tell you an exact diagnosis. So for the mean time I want you to just rest okay?” as she removed the probe from within Eunjung and wipe it, the tissue came out a little bloodied.

Then the nurse was packing up the machine and cover Eunjung again, tucking a soft woolen blanket around her.

“But are we going to be okay? The baby and I?”

“The odds are looking pretty well on you Miss Choi, it’s not life threatening, for both of you. But I really wants you to rest, I would like for you to stay in the hospital for a couple of days.”

Hongbin release a breath he did know he was holding back, he was so tense he can feel his abs protesting.

“I would get back to the two of you a little later alright? I would need time to study this and future treatments. But in a little while a nurse will come in and hook you to a drip, there will be some medication to ease the bleeding. Don’t worry Miss Choi, around 5% of pregnancy in the second trimester had your condition. I’d see you a little later. Please tell the nurse if you’d like a meal.” Then the doctor left the room, along with the nurse that was pushing out the machine.

“A couple of days huh?”

“Yeah, she said she wants to keep you in for at least that much.”

“Hongbin-ah, I was so scared. While I was waiting in the ER. I was so sure I had a miscarriage, I was panicking. I tried very hard to connect to Red Bean, but I swear I don’t feel like I was pregnant anymore. I tried so hard to be positive but I was so close to breaking. My friend was there, but she was also a little freaked, because she was in the bathroom with me when I found out I bleed.”

“Where is your friend by the way?”

“I sent her back to the campus, and to be honest I am glad I did, even though I had to be alone for a little bit before you got here. But I swear her energy was so nervous, it wasn’t making me feel any better.”

Then a knock on the door was heard, before a nurse step into the room. Carting around a drip hanger and some equipment. She asked Eunjung how she is feeling, and whether or not the room is comfortable, and making sure Eunjung already ate as she worked on attaching the IV to Eunjung. After making sure that everything is working fine, the nurse excuse herself, stating that an afternoon snack will be delivered in a couple of hours for the both of them.

“You should rest, you’ve had a lot today. I will wake you up when Dr. Min is here.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo????  
> anyone still reading this?? *looks around the desert*
> 
> I'm feeling chatty so drop your comments~


	14. Canceled dinner plan and being in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongin is in the hospital, being anxious about the report he needed to wait for. And then he forgot that VIXX had a dinner plan, to celebrate Wonshik’s birthday.

When he pulled his phone out of his coat pocket, he had at least 30 messages from the older members, all wishing Eunjung and Red Bean is alright, and to keep them updated.

_Got some preliminary test done, we are still waiting for result._

_I swear to god my heart was about to fell out of my chest_

_I was so scared_

_I thought I was going to lose Red Bean_

_I even yelled at the driver ahjusshi_

Daeguni-Hyung : _How is it?_

Daeguni-Hyung : _What happened?_

Daeguni-Hyung : _you’re not losing the baby right?_

_Eunjung is asleep right now_

_The doc wants to keep her here for at least a couple of days._

_I don’t know much more, the doc only did the exam_

_Then said she will talk to us later._

_I’m nervous now, our doc is usually very chatty._

N-Hyung : _Maybe she just doesn’t want to make you guys more worried._

N-Hyung : _as long as everything is alright._

N-Hyung : _so do you need anything bin-ah? I can drop by the hospital after the shooting_

PaboShik : _So what time are you coming?_

_Sorry, Shikki-ah,_

_I don’t think I can make it today._

_I will do a double take tomorrow._

_I think I am staying with Eunjung today._

_I think she needs me when the doctor explain the situation to us._

_Doesn’t want to leave her alone._

_She looks so stressed my god, I’m scared._

Jaehwan : _Does that mean you will not make it Shikkie’s birthday??_

Jaehwan : _I think Shikkie was not asking about the recording. He’s on a working ban remember?_

Jaehwan : _Shikkie was asking about the birthday dinner little dumdum._

_Oh my Lord Hanzo._

_I completely forgot._

_We were supposed to have dinner tonight right?_

_I’m so sorry._

_I don’t think I can make it though,_

PaboShik : _It’s okay Bin-ah._

PaboShik : _you have your priorities. Take care of her first._

PaboShik : _I will have another birthday next year anyway._

_Sorry ah, bro._

_I know that you will still love me anyway,_

PaboShik : _Eish, you little shit._

PaboShik : _ye ye, love you too._

Daeguni-Hyung : _Binn-ah, if you need anything tell me now._

Daeguni-Hyung : _I can pack your clothes and drop it to the hospital before I go to the theater._

Daeguni-Hyung : _I plan to shower at home first._

Daeguni-Hyung : _But tell me now!!_

Daeguni-Hyung : _Well Raon Hyung will pack, I will shower and take a nap._

_Oh yeah, get me something to change into please_

_1 set for tomorrow one set for tonight._

 

And along with the things he needed from the bathroom and his electronics, he send the location to the hospital and the room they were staying in. And at the very end of the chat, he saw that it was read by 5 other people. But only 4 other replied.

He knows that he will have to talk to Hyuk soon, if he can find the kid. He just disappeared most of the time. He feels that this rift between them is not going to end well. Knowing how stubborn both of them are. But for now he put that thought aside, not wanting to add up to more stress of the situation.

Hongbin cannot deny that he is a little disheartened by how Sanghyuk is handling the situation, but at the same time he can never blame the younger man. He knows full well that all the faults are his completely. That it was his action that have dragged VIXX into this situation. Because when the news of Red Bean is released and it overshadowed everything, the public may thing that they are bad examples and their careers might be done for.

For Sanghyuk that have poured everything that he got, having to move away from home at such a young age, a downfall this early in his career is a scary prospect. Hongbin understood. But that does not mean he was any less entitled to the hurt he felt, the boy can at least try to act civilized.

There was a ping of message notification on his phone.

N-Hyung : _I just wrapped up the shoot. I will head to the hospital._

N-Hyung : _What’s the room number?_

N-Hyung : _Do you know if you have press or fans on you?_

_We are in the maternity ward,_

_Room 825_

_Hyung, enter through the back_

_The staff entry, I will talk to the hospital to let you use that entrance_

_I usually come from there for checkups._

_But today I was in a rush, did not think of it._

_Didn’t have time to check on press or fans either._

_Sorry hyung._

N-Hyung : _It’s okay Bin-ah._

N-Hyung : _Make sure I can use the staff entry okay._

N-Hyung : _I’ll see you there._

Then to make things easier for all of them, he announced the same thing to the group chat. Warn anyone that is coming to the hospital to be careful not to be seen. Taekwoon replied that he just got home from the gym and will be in the hospital in about 2 hours.

So, Hongbin went out of the room after he made sure that Eunjung is asleep. He went to the administration office of that floor and explain his situation. Asking access of the staff entry, leaving in the company vans that the members usually uses. It was quite an easy process, since he had records of doing a similar thing for every visit.

When he returned to the room, Eunjung was still sleeping. She looked tired. But the one that broke Hongbin was the position she settled into. She was now laid on her side, and both of her arms are around her belly, hugging it, surrounding it with her body making her look smaller curled up like that. Hongbin felt like it was her trying to hold on to Red Bean because of what they just went through, her telling him that for a while she didn’t feel like she was pregnant anymore. Hongbin cannot begun to imagine how that must have felt, being in that ER pretty much alone.

Hongbin didn’t know what to do while he waited for Dr. Min or his hyungs. In the rush to get here he did not think to bring any of his gaming console nor a book. And going downstairs to the hospital shop is too risky, he doesn’t know who might take a photograph of him and started rumors of why he was there.

So he pulled up a chair and sit in next to Eunjung’s bed, to the side that she was facing, so that he can reach out and caress her belly. He leaned forward and rested his head on the edge of the mattress. He gently began to run his thumb back and forth on the bump. In his silly mind, he was trying to show Red Bean that he is there. Trying to communicate to his child and convince him/her that he, their father is here. Trying to tell them to not be afraid, even though in reality it was him that is scared.

As if the baby can understand him, it moved. The baby shifted inside of Eunjung’s womb, under his palm. As if the baby was trying to show him that they are still there. Trying to tell their father that in 15 weeks they are going to be able to meet each other.

It hits Hongbin. What Yongjae-hyung said when they were in Singapore, the feeling that he got when he felt the baby moved under his hand while the mother is asleep. He feels like this is a private conversation between him and his baby, as silly as it sounds even inside his own head. This connection he never thought he could ever feel with another human being, let alone an unborn one. For Hongbin who has hardly ever been involved in a steady relationship that can last for over 3 months, this kind of feeling is foreign to him. This very intense feelings of love and adoration.

So Hongbin leaned in closer to the bump, and done what he never did before. He planted a small kiss on the stretched skin covered in blue hospital gown. Right were Red Bean had moved under his hand. All the while his hand had never left the belly, his thumb never stop the gentle caress. Then he heard a deep intake of breath. He looked up.

Only to meet dark eyes staring down at him. A small smile painted on small pretty face.

He was so absorbed in his own head that he did not realized Eunjung had woken up from her nap. He was a little embarrassed, he felt heat rising up to his cheeks. He began to imagine how he must have looked, how creepy and cheesy he was being. FOR GOD’S SAKE HE WAS KISSING THE BELLY OF A SLEEPING WOMAN! He squeezed his eyes and withdrew his hand, sitting back in the chair.

But before he was completely out of reach, Eunjung had grabbed his hand. Placed in back on her belly, with her covering his hand, pressing it closer to their unborn child. “It’s alright Bin-ah. You don’t get to spend time with Red Bean. It’s unfair that you don’t get to spend as much time as I do with her. Trust me, if I’m flexible enough, I would have kissed my own belly long ago.”

This got Hongbin to laugh out loud. He appreciated Eunjung to not make fun of his vulnerable moment, and not ruin it for him. As he settled down to a soft chuckle, he looked at her again. Her eyes had settled back into a lazy half lid, still not completely awake from her nap. She was staring down at her belly. Hongbin resumed the movement of his thumb on her. Wanting to show his love to the growing baby. At the feeling of him starting to caress her belly again, Eunjung let out a soft sigh.

“I’m sorry I touched you when you were asleep. I did not mean to be creepy.”

“It’s alright, we kind of established that my belly is shared territory for now. And I can understand the pull that this little one has. You’re the father, so I will let it slide.” She chuckled, soft hands still on top of his, now caressing the back of his hand. A reassuring gesture. “Bin-ah, I’m sorry I woke up when I did. I think I cut the time you had with Red Bean short.”

“Nah, it’s alright.”

“You need to see how you looked. I swear you looked too much in peace, you look so in love. For lack of better words.” Their eyes found each other. “Please tell me that you are. Please tell me that I am not wrong, trusting to do this crazy shit together with you. Because if you are as in love as you look with our Red Bead, I am sure you will be greatest father. If the way that you looked was anything like how you will be when the baby is born, my mind will be put at ease that you will protect our baby from the world.” Her eyes were filled with hopes and pleading for him to step up.

“Eunjung…..” Hongbin tried to swallow. “Yes, yes I do love Red Bean. I have never felt this strong about anyone ever before.”

“Good…. That’s good.”

“But I don’t know if this is any sign of whether or not I will be a good father though.”

“It’s alright Hongbin, it’s a start.”

Their conversation was cut short by a knock on the door, and a call of Eunjung’s name. She called for them to come in.

It was Dr. Min, she walked in the room with a medical note pad in her hands. “So, how are we doing? Miss. Choi, are you feeling any pain? Any signs of nausea?”

“No, doctor. I felt no pain. I actually just woke up from a nap a couple of minutes ago.”

“Oh that’s excellent. We want you to be rested.” She then raised her pad. “So I got the results of your situation. So as suspected, you are suffering from what is called placenta previa. It’s where the placenta is laying low in the womb, covering the cervix opening partially or completely. If your case it’s about a 60% coverage. This is what caused the bleeding in the first place. The placenta shifted along the walls of the womb as the size grew. As you have noticed that there we a lot of growth in the last 5 weeks, this is one of the main cause. This condition is quite common on pregnancies in general, but quite rare for first pregnancies. It might be passed down from your family, this means to be cautious if you are planning to be pregnant again in the future.”

The doctor looked at the pair to gauze their reaction. By this time Hongbin had sat back in his chair, hands away from the belly, but holding Eunjung’s instead. The pregnant lady had shifted from her side and is now sitting up at the hospital bed, supported by a pillow and the raised top part of the bed.

“As for treatment, there is nothing that we can actively do. All we can do is wait for the placenta to move away from the cervix and resolve the issue. There is a good chance that your condition will be resolved, since this happened in the second trimester. So you still have room of womb growth and hoped that with it the placenta will also move. But in the minor case that it does not resolve 100%, we need to prepare to alternatives.

“So a coverage that is any higher than 10% is not going to guarantee a safe natural delivery. If forced, it can cause major bleeding that can be fatal for both the mother and the baby. So what we usually do is when you are nearing your due date, we would like to have a check of the position of the placenta. If it still covers the cervix, your only option is to have a caesarian delivery. It’s the safest for both of you.”

Hearing the news that she might not be able to naturally deliver the baby hits Eunjung quite hard. Because caesarian is a major surgery that she will have to go through. Requiring up to 2 months to fully recover from. Her knuckles turn while around Hongbin’s. He was trying not to yelp in pain.

“So, Miss Choi that is what is going to happen. Depending on the situation. What we can do now is to prevent anymore bleeding to happen. This being you having to take is slow. Much slower than you were before. I no longer suggest you being active in much lab work, since standing and walking around puts a lot of stress on your lower abdomen. It’s time to give up on penetrative sex all together.” At this the doctor winked at the both of them. Causing the young pair to blush and sputter around.

Hongbin swore this woman is really rooting for the two of them to get together.

“Since any contact with the cervix can cause irritation to the placenta, this means that any vaginally invasive test is going to be limited to a bare minimum until it is completely necessary. Usually it won’t be needed until the pregnancy reached full term, and only if we cannot locate the position of the placenta. Miss Choi, I would also advice you against driving yourself, especially if you have a manual car instead of an automatic one. Until the placenta had moved out of the way, you need to be very careful with how much you are moving your lower half of the body. Sports and exercise too, stay away from any impact and compression. But other than that all we have to do is wait.”

“So, there is a chance that I will have to have a c-section?”

“Yes, Miss Choi. But a small chance. Since your coverage is not severe, and it’s quite early in the pregnancy there are a big chance the placenta previa will resolve and you can deliver the baby naturally.”

“Is this doing any harm to the baby?”

“No. In this condition no it’s not a problem for the baby. But any further bleeding would. So that was why I am asking you to be very careful Miss Choi. If you were discovered much later, I would have to render you to a bed rest until the baby is to full term.”

“So I have to be very careful….”

“Yes, no lifting heavy objects, avoid stairs for now. Take time off from lab work. It would be great if you can have someone to live with you. To do the chores around the house, like cleaning and the likes.”

“Hmmm…. I live alone though. I might have to think about that.”

“Yes, as for your stay. I still want to keep you in for tonight, monitor the bleeding. And update you tomorrow. The drip contains some medication to ease the bleeding.”

Then Doctor Min proceeded to ask Eunjung to check on her current bleeding. During which Hongbin was kicked out of the room.

Once outside of the room he checked his phone again.

There was a message from Taekwoon saying that he is leaving the apartment and is on his way to the hospital that was around 5 minutes ago. And another message from Jaehwan, a picture sent to their group chat of his own lap. Eungdongie and Wonshik’s head was piled on it. It looks like they were in the apartment. With a message that says ‘Invasion of the Kim Mongrel Clan’ Hongbin wonder did Jaehwan cancelled his plan to go out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so here's ch 14.  
> i enjoyed writing this one so much (i'm a sucker for Hongbin-Eunjung-Red Bean moments), i hope you will find them acceptable....
> 
> So, they way that I write this piece is that i am ahead 2 chapters from when i upload them, you know just in case school work got too much (it's about to get too much). And so that I have time to overthink each chapter, including the much awaited 'Sanghyuk moment'.  
> Your comments are really encouraging me to write about them, but now that I know you are waiting i'm nervous.  
> hehehehhehehehehe  
> I'M TRYING MY BEST GUYS!!
> 
> Thank You So Much for making it to chapter 14 with me~  
> See you on Tuesday.


	15. Two halves met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When are you going to let me in and meet her? Seriously Lee Hongbin the girl is 6 months pregnant with your baby and I have yet to meet her?!” and he barged into the room, announcing his presence.

After Hongbin had been allowed back in the room, the situation was much different from when he left. He came back in the room to a wet eyed Eunjung, but much calmer than when they were initially told of the situation by Dr. Min. He guessed Eunjung had a small talk with their doctor, they did take quite a while. He had the chance to text Gongchan and update him on the situation, canceling their Overwatch date.

There are only a handful of people that knows of the current situation, because obviously he needs to keep the news under tight wrap because this is a controversy for anyone to keep an accident baby, let alone an idol. Obviously the ones that knew were VIXX members and the entirety of Jellyfish Ent. Company, his family, her family and a few of his friends; Gongchan being the very first one to know. He had broken the news in the middle of an Overwatch game, over Discord.

 “Hongbin-ah.” Eunjung called him, breaking his silence. “I will need a few things while I’m here. I think I’m going to ask Nayeong to go to my apartment and pack a few things. Do you need anything?” she motioned for her bag that was on the couch near the window. He brought it over to her, so that she can find her phone and text her friend.

“No, I’m good. I actually already asked Taekwoon-hyung to pack a few things for me too. In case I need to stay over here with you or in the apartment, you know. In case you need any help.”

“Wait, you are staying the night?”

“Do not want me to? I mean I thought I will stay with you at least until tomorrow and until you can settle back at home. But if you’d rather be alone I can always leave.”

“No…. no, it would be great for you to stay. I appreciate that. It’s just if you are busy you don’t have to worry about me.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll stay. But speaking of which, both Hakyeon hyung and Taekwoon hyung is already on the way here. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. They wanted to visit when I said you were here. Is that okay?”

“Oh….. um…. I guess.” She looked up from her phone. She had been texting her friend with the list she needed from her own apartment. “I guess this would be a weird place to meet them for the first time, but sure. I mean I’ve only heard of them and if they are going to live with my child I might as well know them right?”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry I haven’t introduced them to you yet.”

“It’s fine. Later tonight you will get to meet Nayeon as well.”

“That’s good. We’re getting to know people in each other’s lives.”

“Yep…..” Silence follows.

“Eunjung-ah, Dr. Min said that it’s better for you to have someone live with you for the time being right? At least until the placenta thing resolve. So what are you going to do about that? Do you have anyone that can stay with you for a while?”

“My first guess would be my mother. She lived just outside of Seoul, I don’t think she would mind staying with me for a little bit. My brother actually lives in the city, but if he stay with me I’d do most of the work anyway. But if my mother can’t, then maybe Nayeon.”

“Oh that’s good. If you need me around, just call me okay? I don’t mind doing a load or two of laundry after recording.”

“Yeah, I know. But seriously Binn-ah don’t worry too much about me. I know you are very busy right now. Just do your thing. You know before Red Bean got here and you have your hands full.”

“Yeah…”

They stay talking for a little while, about her research what she will need to do if she have to step off the lab, him updating on the bedroom situation (the literal arrangement of furnitures in his bedroom, not…. You know) and the things he bought for the baby, she telling him that a few of her friends had started to buy baby gifts too so he have to come pick it up from her apartment. Then it was also his turn to tell her about his schedules for the next few weeks with recording the new album.

Soon there was a knock on the door, Hongbin got up to see who it was. Seeing it was Hakyeon and Yongjae he smiled and greeted them closing the room behind him “Ah hyung, you made it! Did you come through the staff entry? It’s not too confusing right?”

“No, no, it’s fine. Yongyongie hyung is good at navigating places like these. Here I brought you some food.”

“Thank you hyung, you really don’t have to. They gave us food here.”

“Aish, hospital food taste gross.” Then Hakyeon looked around. “So, how is it? How are you? Is everything alright?” his face full of concern.

“I’m doing okay, the doctor told us it’s not a threatening thing and it will get better as the pregnancy grew. The worst part was the waiting while we don’t know anything. But I think Eunjung was pretty shaken when she was told that if the issue does not resolve naturally she will have to go through a c-section.”

Hakyeon reached out and squeezed his arms, offering comfort. “When are you going to let me in and meet her? Seriously Lee Hongbin the girl is 6 months pregnant with your baby and I have yet to meet her?!” and he barged into the room, announcing his presence.

So Hongbin trailed behind him, reentering the room with Yongjae. His manager also gave him a pat on the back when he entered the hospital room. True to himself when Hongbin got in the room and set down the food on a table Hakyeon was already wrapping Eunjung in a friendly embrace. Eunjung looked a little taken aback not expecting the level of friendliness, she was looking around for Hongbin. He just mouthed to her ‘it’s okay’ and that just how Hakyeon is.

“So Eunjung how are you doing? Are you feeling good? Is Hongbin taking good care of you? I swear if he’s not you can just hit him with a chair.” Hakyeon naturally laugh as he sat himself on the chair Hongbin had just sat in. Hakyeon jumpt started the conversation obviously digging for information about her, what she is doing, is she working, where does she live, does she lived with her parents, does she have any siblings, what was Hongbin like in high school, what is Hongbin like now and the like.

Hongbin decided to rescue Eunjung from the interrogation. “Hyung-ah, what are you up to after this?”

“Hm? I don’t have anything else today. Do I hyung?” Hakyeon looked over to Yongjae.

“No, you’re good for the day. You can go home now.”

“Yeah, I’m going to go home, take a nap before the dinner. Oh wait I have to wrap Shikkie’s birthday gift. I’ve had if for a while but I haven’t gotten around to wrap it.”

“You still bother wrapping his birthday gift? He will just tear through them anyway.”

“That’s the fun of it you know. I always love seeing him when he is unwrapping it. He is so excited, like a little child. Even if he can always buy it for himself.”

“What did you get him?”

“A dog clothes, it had Totoro print on it. I saw it when I was in Japan, was too cute not to buy. Technically it’s not for him. But I’m sure he will love it. Oh and just to make it even, I bought him an identical T-shirt.”

“Oh, that’s cute. That idiot will love it too much. Ah yeah hyung. Take my gift to him too. I put in my room. On my shelf, above my computer.”

“Wait, the group are celebrating a birthday tonight?” Eunjung asked.

“Yeah, Wonshik’s birthday is tomorrow. But he is spending it at home with his family, so we are having dinner tonight.”

“Why don’t you give the gift yourself Bin-ah?”

“Well, I’m not going to the dinner. I’m here with you.”

“You don’t have to stay all the time, its fine. I’m going to be fine here.”

“No, I will stay here with you.” Then she shot Hongbin a look. “Seriously, I will stay here with you. I already told Shikkie, he is cool with it.” Hongbin returned Eunjung’s pointed look, telling her that his mind was made, and he is staying with her for the night.

A knock on the door was heard. Hongbin moved to open the door. It was Taekwoon and their other younger more handsome manager, Raon. “Finally! You don’t know how long we went round and around trying to look for this place.”

Hongbin moved out of the way to let the two men in the room. Raon handed Hongbin his bag. “Your closet is really neat, I swear I would rather pack you 10 bags than having to go through Wonshik’s closet. It’s a mess of colors and literal mess.”

“Ah, thank you Hyung.”

The two new comer went in the room and bowed in greeting. Hakyeon had gotten up and walked to give Taekwoon a hug. Hongbin swore the two just talked for hours last night. With 5 full grown large man in the room, the spacious room started to feel stuffy and Eunjung looked impossibly small even with her belly.

“Hello, I’m Jung Taekwoon. Nice to finally meet you.” Taekwoon smiled shyly.

“Hello, I’m Choi Eunjung. Nice to meet you too.”

Taekwoon stood there, all langky and awkward, Hongbin noticed that Taekwoon’s eyes have not lifted from Eunjung’s belly. He even more awkwardly moved closer to the bed, standing next to the chair that Hongbin was in just before any of them arrived.

“Uhhmm…” Taekwoon fidget. “May I get to know Red Bean too?” The tall man’s awkwardness is still seeping out of his pores.

“Oh, sure sure. Sit down oppa.” Eunjung tried to scoot closer to the bed edge that was closer to Taekwoon, but she found it difficult to do without straining herself. Hongbin moved around to help her. He had silently thanked his personal trainer that had increased the weight he was lifting.

Hongbin pushed on Taekwoon’s shoulder to make him sit down. After he was seated, Eunjung extend her hand, palm up. Taekwoon hesitantly put his hand on hers. Then she moved it closer to her and placed it on the side of her belly. “Wait for it, she is awake, she was moving around a little while ago.”

Taekwoon waited in silence, he didn’t move his palm from where Eunjung put them. And then he gasp. His eyes light up, and he looked up to Eunjung, his small eyes were wide. She smiled at him encouragingly. He moved closer, when Eunjung let go on his hand, the hand moved across the stretch of blue hospital gown.

“Hey Red Bean, this is your uncle Daegunie. How are you in there? I can’t wait to meet you. Oh, the baby moved.” Taekwoon’s smile blooms. The small slit of his eyes got drowned, pushed up by his cheeks. He has both hands on her belly now, caressing just like he had been not too long ago. Taekwoon was whispering sweet nothingness to Hongbin’s unborn child.

During this interaction filled with overwhelming adoration, Eunjung looked up to Hongbin. He had been watching his brother who was completely taken by the bump. Sensing eyes on him he looked up. Eunjung mouthed to him that Taekwoon is in love too, and she smiled. Her smile looked as if she is at peace. Knowing that when her child is born, they will never be in any way short on love and affection, even if it does not come from her primarily.

Eunjung had some time to think, since she found out that she is pregnant and then decided to keep the baby. How absurd the whole arrangement is, that she is pretty much only a carrier of the baby, and after that the baby will be ripped out of her and off to live with Hongbin. But at the same time, she feels like she does not have any right to feel sad about it, and to victimize herself as the woman that had her baby ripped out of her since she is the one that admitted from the very start that she cannot raise a baby right now. The fact have not changed.

But she had some time to think. The thought of having to watch her own child grew up without her presence, would Red Bean even know her? Would she even be a part of Red Bean’s life like any mother should have? Will she ever had the chance to celebrate Chulseok with Red Bean? Red Bean’s first word? First steps? First new year? First plane ride? First tooth? First tooth that fell out? First day of school? Will that affect how her child will grow up? What is Red Bean will be bullied in school because she doesn’t have a mother? At this  point she knows Hongbin enough to be able to trust that he cared about her at the very least, and he won’t just left her in the dirt. But she had her doubt how the situation will turn out the moment the news of Red Bean are released. Where that places her in the picture, how she would fit in their child’s life.

Meeting the older members of VIXX had both sooth her mind and agitated it further. On one hand she knows that Red Bean will be showered with love and affection, her child will never be neglected if the way that the members had adored the unborn child is any sign of it. But at the same time that level of affection made her feel insecure, because it means that her child will have further need of her. She feels like she will be pushed out of the picture entirely.

Sure, at the beginning she was with if she were to be limited from meeting Red Bean, she have a life to build for herself. But the time she got to spend with Red Bean the natural affection that formed had grew her unreasonable needs to play a part of Red Bean’s life beyond just the vessel in which the child come to be.

These feeling put a tight restrain on her chest. 

All too soon, Raon cleared his throat, it broke the serene silence in the room as they watch Taekwoon pour his brimming affection to the unborn child. “Taekwoon-ah, we have to go to the theater. You still need to get your hair and make-up done.”

“Ah right, I have a job.” He pulled away from the belly, very reluctantly. When he got up from the chair after thanking Eunjung and giving her a quick hug, his eyes were a little glassy.

“I guess we better get going too, so you can rest Eunjung.” Said Yongjae. Taking hold of Hakyeon’s elbow, pulling him off the couch.

“Right, we have been here long enough.” Hakyeon too moved towards the bed and squeeze Eunjung into another hug. Bidding her a speedy recovery and making her promise to go out with him sometimes soon.

As the group moved to exit the room, Hongbin was with them. Just before they were about to exit the door, already out of Eunjung’s sight, Taekwoon turned around and enveloped Hongbin in a big bear hug. Gripping his shoulders. “Take care of her and the baby okay.”  They stayed for a moment longer before Taekwoon let go, wiping the edge of his eyes.

 

Eunjung is discharged the next day, but was ordered to stay at home for the next couple of days before going back to her classes. True to his words Hongbin had stayed over in the hospital, a lumpy fold out bed had been wheeled in the room for him to play his psp games until 3 am before finally sleeping.

Dr. Min had told Eunjung that the bleeding might continue for as long as the placenta previa is not yet resolved, and is told to record the volume in which she bled. Once again warning them this time around that penetrative sex is strictly forbidden, but there are other methods to seek pleasure. Her hinting are getting to a brand new level. Complete with THE Dr. Min wink.

When they got to Eunjung’s apartment, Hongbin had forbid her from getting off the sofa. He started going around and does her cleaning, fetching her books and heating up meals for her. Since Eunjung’s mother had not been able to make it that day and will be arriving the day after, Hongbin had insisted of staying another day with Eunjung not wanting to leave her alone. His defense this time was if he leave her alone she will just tire herself out with doing chores and her thesis.

So that night they fell asleep on her large bed with him curled around her belly. He had been talking to Red Bean, sprinkling kisses on the belly even one in a while. As he got sleepier, his mouth had ran ahead of his brain, he was rambling about going on holidays to a theme park and asking Taekwoon-samchon to teach both of them how to swim. Eunjung’s fingers had found its way to his hair and sooth him to sleep, praying to any Gods that would listen, Hongbin would be able to shield their child from the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo……. We get to finally see her now,  
> I wanna thank LiviaWavern14 for the idea to let Taekwoon cried a little, I hope this shows how excited he is with the new baby. It did help me write this chapter. 
> 
> And I received an input from my friend that was reading the story that my summary was not that appealing, so not many people click on the story. I was thinking of re-writing the summary. Any ideas on how I’m supposed to make it more WAH? 
> 
> A few announcement about the story; I’m going to slow down on the posting of chapters, I usually upload twice a week on Tuesdays and Saturdays, but for the next 2 to 3 weeks I’m only going to post 1 chapter a week. Because apparently trying to save your GPA is a thing~   
> I hope by the time things had settled down on my end, you guys will still read my updates.
> 
> Thank you for reading till chapter 15~  
> C U when I C U.


	16. In front of the crib, hyung?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be a peaceful furniture building day. But with Cha Hakyeon they always turn into something else.

So finally all of the furniture are bought.

Hongbin went with one of their manager and another staff form Jellyfish, she is also expecting her first child. So she tag along to see all of the available options in the store. And yep, she made the right choice to come and do her research there are many to choose from, for the first hour Hongbin can’t tell the difference between the SNIGLAR model and the GULLIVER model. He ended up getting the STUVA.

The furniture came in pieces and planks of compressed wood, so Hongbin had the task of assembling it. And since Hakyeon already missed on the shopping he insisted for Hongbin to wait with the building until he is also at home so that he can indulge in another one of his domestic hobby of furniture building.

The crib he had picked up are one of those convertible ones that have a few adjustable notches to put the mattress at different height and removable front panel. So that the crib can be used for a few years, the older and bigger Red Bean grow the lower the mattress will be set. And when Red Bean is a toddler, the front panel can be removed to make it a real mini bed. He had a few models to choose from but his manager hyung recommended him getting the more expensive one, with more solid wood panels and drawers at the bottom of the bed. So he got it in a light wood shade to match the other furniture already in his room.

With the changing table he picked the ones with the most storage space and a slot big enough to fit his mini fridge. He planned to be able to keep some breast milk in there for the first few months Eunjung is willing to pump her breast.

So finally they get on the task of building the furniture. But of course once again they forgot to get power tool, so they were left with the task to screwing each and every bolt manually. For that Hakyeon had called up help. He invited one of his closest friend over, Lee Wongeun. A cast mate from years ago, that he just had to interview just a few days earlier. Actually, Hakyeon did not have to do the interview, but it’s just a reason to have fun on the job. Wongeun has been Hakyeon’s close friend for a long time, but he hasn’t been that close to everyone else in VIXX, but they see him around and heard stories about him from Hakyeon. Especially after their holiday to Japan together.

So the first task of the day was to move the gaming station out of Hongbin’s room. He had tried to reason that they can just assemble the furniture, put it outside first then make the swap when the baby was actually born so that he can keep his computer in his room for a couple more month. But he has lost the argument against Hakyeon. So in a sad midday for Lee Hongbin early March, he disassembled his double screen PC.

After all of the electronics had been detangles they have to move the actual table. Hongbin and Wongeun had been the physical labor lifting the actual table while Hakyeon direct where they need to go. “We have a problem. So the table is too wide to pit through the door. So we have to twist it to make it through.”

They set into maneuvering the table out of the door. Tilting it on its side, getting the foot of the table out of the door first while holding it adjacent to the door before changing the direction in which they came from pretty much making a hook around the door. During the process there were a lot of yelling trying to coordinate where to move. It was quite hard because Hongbin and Wongeun are on opposite side of the table thru opposite side of the wall, they cannot see each other. The straw were when Hongbin who was holding the end of the table inside the bedroom push a little earlier than Hakyeon’s sign and pushing the other of that table to hit Wonguen on the hip.

“Yah! Hongbin –ah, wait wait. You just dented my hip bones! How did you get this table into the room anyway?! Put it down on the floor. My arms are about to fall off.” Wongeun said.

“Sorry, hyung. I didn’t know you haven’t moved back. I swear it was not this hard to get the table in the room. It came in pieces so I assemble it in the room. But now we can’t take it apart because the bolts were glued in after being twisted in.” When Wongeun came into view, Hakyeon was by his side, rubbing circles where Hongbin assumed the table knocked into his hip bone.

“Ah, okay I understand. Alright then come on, let’s get this out. We still have two pieces of furniture to assemble.” Eyeing the wooden components still packed in a box. “This time let’s not try to think with our own head, listen to Hakyeon hyung’s direction.”

“Hyung-ah, make sure you give accurate direction okay. If not more body parts are going to turn blue.”

“Ye, ye. It was not my fault anyway, you moved before I told you to.”

After that accident the process of moving furniture out went a little smoother and soon they were assembling baby crib. Wongeun is the type of person that wanted to jump straight into trying to build, but thank fully Hakyeon stopped him and read the manual first. He neatly lay out the components and read the labels on them, including all of the bolts and nuts. Thank God he had, because if not all three of them would be chasing around tiny bolts all night long.

They were putting up the front gate of the crib when the next accident happened. Hongbin was in charge of holding the side panel, Wongeun the front panel and Hakyeon and his capable nimble fingers are in charge of screwing the bolt while seated on the floor. This time it was Wongeun that causes the damage, his hand had slipped before all of the bolts were tightened and the front panel fell forward, straight to Hakyeon’s wide forehead.

“Yah!! Geunnia-ah!!”

Wonguen looked panicked and pushed the front gate panel away from Hakyeon so that it tumbled to the other side. The rushed to crouch next to Hakyeon and started rubbing his head. Hakyeon had faked pouted as he looked up at Wongeun, but he let Wongeun turn his face anyway. Before he started giggling and fell to the floor, screw driver abandoned on the floor next to him. His giggle seems to be contagious to Wongeun, realizing that the gate particle were really light and it barely hurt Hakyeon. They both ended up giggling on the floor.

While Hongbin just stood there.

Holding the side panel of the crib and the front gate part that Wongeun had pushed off in his hassle to ‘rescue’ Hakyeon. Hongbin felt as if he was invading on a moment between the two.

So he lean the panels to the wall and walk out of the room, calling out that he will get them all cool drinks from the fridge. The pair was still giggling on the floor.

When Hongbin got back in the room, the sight he found was a little….. Compromising. They were still on the floor, but they are no longer giggling. It was obvious why, since both of their lips were plastered to one another. Hakyeon was laid on his back and Wonguen hovered over him, his hand on Hakyeon’s waist –thankfully for Hongbimn- over the soft pink t-shirt Hakyeon was wearing-. While Hakyeon’s arm were wrapped around Wongeun’s shoulder, hand cradling his head.

“Eherm…..” Hongbin cleared his throat from the doorway. The kissing couple jumped apart. Hakyeon quickly get off his back and looked around, eyes wide in panic as if just realizing that he was still inside Hongbin’s room. “Hyung, I was only out of the room for less than 3 minutes.”

“Uh…. I can explain….” Hakyeon stuttered. He looked over at Wongeun who is blushing high on his cheeks. “Umm…… I was…. We were….“ Hakyeon made a sorry attempt to twist the scenario.

“Were you not kissing on the floor of my bed room? In front of a half built furniture where my child will be sleeping in for the next 4 years. Were you asking Wongeun-hyung to heal your forehead? Or did Wongeun hyung slipped and landed on your lips? Or was I just imaging the bodies on my floor not 30 seconds ago?”

Wongeun laugh from behind Hakyeon. Hakyeon just looked at him like he was crazy, all he did was shrug. “I mean slipping and landing on top of the heroine is classic in all drama, we both had done it before.” With a sigh Wongeun got up and take hold of Hakeyeon’s wrist, pulling him up to his feet. After Hakyeon got up het tugged him along out of Hongbin’s room and into their living room. “Everyone come out of your rooms for a little bit please. I have something to say.” Hakyeon followed behind him looking lost at the loud announcement Wongeun made to the rest of the apartment.

Wongeun turned around and looked at Hakyeon, and spoke softly. Hongbin was close enough to hear it. “We can do this. Have more faith in your kids Yeon, they love you. We talked about this remember. It doesn’t make sense to try to hide it from them.”

The members poked their heads out of their bedroom, Wonshik and Eungdongie looked at Wongeun from their position on the couch. “Come, come closer. It’s quite an important announcement.” And the member did, gathering in the living room. Wongeun cleared his throat.

“So you all know me right, Lee Wongeun, long time close friend of Cha Hakyeon. You know that Hakyeon and I have been very close for the last couple of years, we went on a trip together and we go out a lot. So a few weeks ago, I asked him to go out with me, like really go out with me. And Hakyeon said yes. So we are now officially dating.” He ended his short speech with a look at Hakyeon’s direction. Removed his hand from around the tanned wrist to move around Hakyeon’s waist to draw him closer.

“So, yeah. Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Lee Wongeun.” Hakyeon followed up shyly.

For a good minute no one said a thing. All 5 members and 1 puppy just looked at the couple. Blinking.

“YAH!! SAY SOMETHING!!” Hakyeon looked around started to get panicked, his face searching from members to members. “C’mon, anything, comment, questions? ANYTHING!! Please throw me a bone here. Don’t just stand there and stare. For the first time in the 8 years we’ve know each other this is the first time I introduce you guys to anyone I’m dating.” Hakyeon’s voice had risen up, eyes frantic. Still nobody said a thing. “Excuse me, I just come out to you. After 7 years! This is a big deal for me. Please guys, say something.” His voice begun to shake. Hongbin can see the hold Wongeun have around him tightened a little, drawing him even closer. Ready to protect him.

Hongbin looked around the room. Everyone was still staring blankly.

“Anyone surprised by this news?” 5 head shook left to right.

 “Anyone see this coming?” 5 hands were raised.

“Anyone have been waiting for this announcement for the last year?” 5 hands remained in the air.

So Hongbin also put up his hand just for the fun of it. “The only comment I have is; Fucking Finally Hyung!”

The couple audibly release a deep breath they have been holding. “YOU ARE SO MEAN!! I though you will react badly for me coming out. Don’t do this to my old heart again!” Hakyeon whined loudly.

The rest of the group laugh at them for thinking that there were any other possible scenario than to be accepted whole heartedly. Hakyeon turned around to bury his head on the crook of his now boyfriend’s neck, sighing in relief. Wonguen wraped both of his arms around Hakyeon and squeezed.

Hongbin approached the two to pat Wongeun on the back. “Welcome to the family hyung. Please take care of our leader. If you ever hurt him, don’t wish you ever see another sunrise.” Hongbin smiled at them and the way they were comfortable in each other’s arm. “But I would appreciate it if you guys don’t make out in my bedroom floor though.”

“What?! They did?” Jaehwan’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, I went to the kitchen to get drinks for like 3 minutes. And when I got back they were rolling merrily on the floor. Eating each other’s face! I don’t want to imagine what would have happened if I didn’t caught them when I did.”

“Ew, Eommaa!!” Jeahwan whined.

“Eish, Kong-ah, we are not some horny teenagers!”

After every one had given their well wishes for the couple. The two disappeared behind Hakyeon’s bedroom door. And people starting spilling away from the living room and back into their own bedroom.

“Hyung, don’t go! The furniture are not done! My room is a mess!! N-Hyung! You said you are not some horny teenagers. HAKYEON HYUNG! YOU DID NOT EVEN FINISH ONE THING AND YOU LEAVE ME NOW?!” he got no response. “Anyone want to help me? Please? Jaehwan ah! Daegunie hyung! Shikkie?!”

“No Thank you!!” Jaehwan shouted from his room.

“Gotto head to the theater Bin, sorry ah. I will do a lot of the loving for when Red Bean get here I swear!” Taekwoon replied.

“Shik, please?! Don’t you dare turn me down! You’re only watching TV!”

“Alright, alright.” Wonshik got up from the couch, his puppy following him.

As the settled in the room, screw driver at hand, numbers of screws closely monitored. The 93 liners settled into an easy conversation about work, a few arrangements and productions of their songs that still does not feel right and a few notes that came from their CEO the day before. They finished building the crib along with the changing station in the early evenings. As it turns out assembling furniture does not take so long if you are actually focusing on the job instead of flirting with your new boyfriend.

Hongbin decided to bring up the topic of Wonshik’s love life as they were installing the mini fridge into one of the shelf in the changing station. “So, N-hyung put a hold on his man. When will you?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Wonshik answered a little too quickly.

“Shik, neither of us are THAT stupid nor that blind. We know that you have had the oggly eyes for Jaehwan for the longest time.”

“No!”

Hongbin gave Wonshik one of those looks. “Now you are just insulting me.”

“Alright yes, I like him, I found him adorable, I like his touches it’s comforting, and I like touching him and teasing him, I like the way he reacted to me. But I don’t know about wanting to be with him. Don’t even know if he swerve that way.”

“Have you asked him?”

“What do I do? Hey Jaehwan, do you think you will want to go between the sheets with me? For all the time we know him, he had never dated anything but a vagina possessing human. I mean what if it turns out he’s not at all attracted to men? What if he is attracted to men but not to me?! It would be awkward.”

“But you have to admit this thing with Jaehwan is getting in the way of you being with anyone else properly, right? The reason why you and Bazka split up last year is because you spend too much with him instead of with her.”

“That’s not why, and you know it. It’s normal that I spend a lot of time with him anyway. We work together and all.”

“Don’t try to fool me dude, your ex-girlfriends talk to me when they can’t get a hold of you.”

“I mean she is also busy with running dance classes and being in the studio and all.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t make time for each other.”

“Why are we digging to my ex?! How about you? What happened to your own girlfriend? I thought you were with that lighting tech girl?”

“Well we burn it out, we work together in a drama. We get to talk, we go out for a little bit and we lost the sparks, you know. No biggie.”

“Ya! Kong-ah, you don’t get to use the ‘no biggie’ on the nice girl you date and then grill me on my ex.”

“I wasn’t grilling you on your ex, was grilling you about Jaehwan.”

“There’s nothing about Jaehwan.” Wonshik’s face frowned. “I just found him cute sometimes. Just like you find Eunjung cute. I don’t see you rushing off to start dating her!”

Hongbin was about to come up with a snarky remark but shut up. Wonshik was right this time around.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
> so this is my last pre-written chapter. i'm kind of nervous for not being able to write thus story properly nor graduate from this thing society put me in called university. But yeah, updates will still be a week apart until the end of my exam weeks. Hicks. I want to write TT.TT
> 
> So a few info:  
> 1\. YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE CELEB BROMANCE of Hakyeon and Lee Wongeun. then you'd know why Hongbin reacted the way that he did. those two are really old married couple! I SHIP THEM SO MUCH!!  
> 2\. Bazka is a dance with Wildy Motion, the dance company for Wonshik's solo work. She was in DamnRa, Bomb stages and all that. AND SHE IS PRETTY!! I just think it's cute that he was dating one of his dancer.  
> 3\. Yes, I checked the IKEA catalog...... 
> 
> C U when I C U~


	17. Full Hustle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date was set, calls were started to be made for promotional appearances.  
> VIXX is coming out with their third full album. More than ever they have to show a united front.

17 April 2018.

The date for their comebacks are set. It’s ready to be released in a few days just after Taekwoon’s last stage in The Last Kiss.

The concept and story board are all set, costumes have been approved and are in the workshop. All the songs are picked, 9 new songs in total. 9 songs have to be recorded, main vocal tract and the background vocal overlay. 9 songs Wonshik have to micro examine. 9 songs that required massive communication to convey ideas. 9 songs that becomes the reason for a million and one argument between 6 brothers.

In the last couple of weeks they have been recording almost non-stop, ever since Wonshik was allowed back in the recording studio. Recording will start not long after 10 am and won’t stop until way past mid night. If members are not in the recording booth, they will be monitoring and discussing about arrangements. Rehearsing lines and coming up with choreography possibilities. During this time there were no off switch to their job, it consumes them completely. All the while still keeping up with other individual schedules.

The most frequent arguments were between Taekwoon and Wonshik. They had a history of fighting on the job, pretty much all the time. During the creating period of Whisper, they had a big fight that seeped into their promotion period. Only calming down after the first few days and able to put genuine chemistry for the camera. It’s no different this time around. Wonshik had been the bulldozer that he is, seeking for nothing short of perfection.

It was late at night the sound engineer had been sent home and Wonshik was manning the mixing table, they were in the Jellyfish studio recording the vocals for My Valentine. Arguably one of the hardest vocals to do since the song was set to such a high range with complicated vocal layers. For the chorus alone, Taekwoon needs to do two separate layers that are only half a not apart. At his point they have been recording since the morning and Taekwoon had gone straight from the theater to follow in after Jaehwan’s session. Hongbin was there seated next to Wonshik with his own sets on notes and keeping track of the tracks recorded.

“Hyung, can you do that part again? This time try not to put so much tension in. I need it to sound a little airier.” Wonshik spoke through the mic connecting the recording booth and mixing room.

“Alright.” The music was playing again and Taekwoon sang the line again. This time pushing more air and sounding a little huskier while maintaining the falsetto.

“Alright, just like that hyung. Let’s do that a few more times.” Taekwoon does it again. And again. And again.

“YAH!! Wonshik-ah!! I did that like 17 times already. What more do you need from me?!”

“Just a little more hyung.”

“How many more times, Shik?” Taekwoon said from within the booth. “Do you really need that many samples?”

“Do you want this song to turn out good?” Wonshik barked into the mic.

“Of course I do. Do you think I’m only playing around?!” Taekwoon barked back.

“Then do it a few more times, this time keep the difference. You keep on mixing the two melodies!”

“Of course it’s easy for you to say that!! Go ahead come here and record this line! You think it’s easy to hit such high notes repeatedly? Why the fuck do you always do this to me?” The older’s frustration showing through. “Excuse me but my balls dropped quite some years ago. This notes does not come easy!! And pushing the air out like you want me to do is hurting my throat!”

“So you want me to change the whole song to fit your needs? Sure then Your Highness.” Wonshik spat out. Taking a jab at the princely role Taekwoon is currently doing for his musical.

Taekwoon stormed out of the booth. He looked angry. He crossed the two steps between the booth and their desk in a fury, grabbed Wonshik by the collar, hauling him to his feet.

At this Hongbin sprung to his feet. Trying to plant his body between the two members.

“Now you are mocking my show! Sure then mister Hip-Hop lord! Try doing a full 3 hour show and then follow your own shitty attitude in the studio! Go ahead if you think your work is so royal. I bet you are only going to cry!” Taekwoon left hand had already drawn back, ready to put another crook on Wonshik’s nose.

“Hyung, hyung…. Calm down.” Hongbin tried. “Wonshik only want to do this in one go, so that you don’t have to do this line again tomorrow. Hyung calm down. Shouting is only going to hurt you further.” He tried to reason, while holding back Taekwoon’s impending punch.

“Taekwoon-ssi. Do you think you are the only one being tired because of a show? I am the one that had to listen to all of this shit back! Every time you fucked up the line, the more I have to spend in weeding it out.” Wonshik barked. His breath rose too, his chest puffed out.

At times like this Hongbin resent the few centimeters both members had over him. Even though both of them are skinnier than he is, they are much stronger when combined and he is struggling to keep them apart.

“YAH!! Both of you calm the fuck down!! We are not getting any work done here!! Takewoon-hyung, put your hand down, no punching is happening. Wonshik, you’re being impossible!” Honbin finally shouted above the bickering. His baritone booming in the room. He is between the two men, his left hand grabing Taekwoon’s wrist his right forearm surpressing Wonshik’s chest. “We are taking a break! Taekwoon-hyung go take a break. We will pick it back up tomorrow. Don’t drink anymore coffee. Please, just walk away.” Hongbin tried to reason after the glare Taekwoon shot his way.

Taekwoon huffed and let go, he made way to gather his things and leave but not before shooting death glares towards Wonshik.

The room was silent after the older member left. Wonshik’s breath had calmed down a little but he was still audibly huffing.

“Shik, you were being shit to him.” Wonshik dropped down to the sofa in the back of the room. “You were being unnecessarily harsh to him. C’mon man, he was right. He already did a 3 hour show today, you can be a bit more merciful on his voice.”

With his face planted on the brown leather Wonshik muffled out “What am I supposed to do then?”

“Not make him do so many reps? I’m sure we already got like 5 perfect sample from him an hour ago!”

“You can’t be sure though.”

“Oh I am sure. Because the more you push him the more tired he is, the shakier his vocals get. You know that, Shik-ah this is the 4th year you are producing.” Then his phone vibrated from his jeans pocket. Really, Honbin was not in the mood to answer any call, so he just ignored it. “Why are you such a little shit anyway? You were being perfectly nice to Jaehwan earlier.”

“Can you stop calling me shit?”

“Only when you stop being one.”

“Ei! I’m tired too okay, I have been holed up in the place for days now. I haven’t shaved in ages. I miss my puppy and I can’t remember when the last time I got laid was!”

“So is this only about you being horny after recording with Jaehwan and then you take it out on the hopelessly straight Taekwoon-hyung?!”

“Since when does my horniness and sexual preferences a part of this conversation??!”

“Since you mention it? I mean the only one regularly getting some amongst us are only Hakyeon-hyung. He’s over at Wongeun’s place all the time.”

“And Sanghyuk. I’m sure half the time he is out it’s not for work all the time. He filed in the base tract for his song weeks ago.” Wonshik had fully calmed down now. Being Wonshik, he can just get riled up and cool down in matters of minutes.

“He got a girlfriend?” Hongbin asked.

“I’m sure. It’s just a wonder that he haven’t introduces her to us.”

“How sure?”

“He got scratched on his back ‘sure’.”

“Damn, scratches huh. How did you know?”

“Did you forget that I still share a bedroom with him? And we change in and out of clothes in the room. And he was just there, scratches on his back. I don’t think I’ve been with anyone that scratched that badly. I’ve had biter, but not scratcher.”

“EW! Too much info!! If he has a girlfriend then why is he so hostile over the whole me and Eunjung thing?!” His friend only shrugged.

“C’mon, I need some air. I can’t stay in this room anymore. Let’s grab something before I have to go back and check the recording.” Wonshik said as he got up from the couch and blow out the scented candle on the desk.

“You’re still going to work? Can you still concentrate?” Hongbin grabbed his phone and wallet.

“I gotto man. With the pace we are working on, we are not going to finish everything before it’s due for printing.” Wonshik shook his hair out of his beany. It’s matted to his scalp already. “So I had a meeting with Hwang-nim earlier today. He’s still not happy with the tittle tract, again. ARG!! What do I do?!!”

Hongbin patted him on the back as they walked out of the studio. Hongbin felt sorry for his friend, with the amount oof time he is working. Wonshik does claim that he likes his job and what he is doing, and Hongbin never doubt him about it, but with how much Wonshik is working he’s just afraid that his lovable idiotic friend would burn out a little earlier than necessary. For their late night scnack, they decided to go to the convenience store a block away from the office. Restaurants are already closing down for the night. People walking home from their social events. Couples holding hands as they walk.

They both got discounted bowls of teokbokki and steamed buns. During recording time, Hongbin is used to just throw away his diet plan, and hopefully burn enough of it in the gym. Wonshik tried, he really did, but at this point the way he eats and keep in diets are part of his lifestyle. But with the exhaustion and stress he caved and loosen up his eating habit too. They did not try to fill the short walk to and from the store with chatter. They know that emotions are still a little raw from the encounter with Taekwoon earlier, and they still have a whole night of work and a morning of apologizing to the older member.

When they got back into the studio, they were expecting it to be empty. But they found Sanghyuk in the room. His large body spread out on the couch. He was reading from a paper, most likely lyric sheets. Hearing them enter the room, he sat up.

“Hyung!! I thought you went home already, but then the light was still on and the computer was only on sleep. So I waited. Thank God you’re still here.”

“What is it Hyuk?” Wonshik said and he made his way to the mixing table, checking over the recording files.

“I was just thinking to do a few more takes. I copied some of mine earlier today, and I’m not too happy with it. What do you think?” the large man moved to the chair next to Wonshik. Only sparing a glance at Hongbin’s direction.

“Which part do you want to re-do?” Wonshik re opening the sub sequence with Hyuk’s vocal showing. When Hyuk pointed it out they replay the section.

“It sounded fine to me.” Hongbin said. “What do you want to change?”

“I just think that I can sing it a little clearer. Before it’s layered with Leo-hyung’s vocal.”

“Let’s try it with Leo-hyung’s vocal. We recorded it already.” Wonshik said. As he quickly sorted thru the result of a dramatic recording session earlier. He quickly put together a temporary mock tract with the two vocals and music and listen thru the section. “Hm…”

“See hyung, I feel like it doesn’t match. My lines are too slurred. Let me do it again a few more times.”

Wonshik looked at Hyuk, then looked at Hongbin. His face clearly displayed how tired he is, and how reluctant he is at having to add a few more recording to check later. “What do you think, Binn-ah?”

“Hm? I think it sounds just fine. I mean it’s not the final mix with all of the music arrangement right. I’m not sure if recording it a few more time is going to be any different in the final cut. With the adjustment, it will get faded anyway.”

“What, so you think I can’t try to make things a little better?” Sanghyuk challenged.

“It’s not that I don’t want it to be better. But if you record some more, it means there will be more work for Shikkie. And it it’s not going to be any different, why do you need to push him through it?”

“How about the beginning of the song? There will not be much instrumentation there!”

“That part is fine too Hyuk-ah. I already picked the tract from the ones you did yesterday.”

“But I’m sure with more samples, you can get better ones, right?!”

“Then you are just undoing everything he did last night. Please Hyuk-ah, don’t do this to Shikkie. Jisoo-noonna already scold this idiot with the amount of wrinkles on that thing he call a face.” Hongbin tried to lightly reason with the younger man.

Sanghyuk looked at the both of them. “What is it with you two? It’s weird that you don’t want to push for the best.”

“We do want the best! And I think we already got the best. I let The Boss listened to that part already, and it’s already been approved.”

“Well, not the best. I think this album needs to be super extra. We have a lot to make up for.”

“What do you mean? What exactly do we need to make up for?”

“Well, we have a million reason to believe that this is the last of VIXX.”

“Yah! Sanghyuk, what are you saying?”

“What, you think starlight will all be kind and all smiles when they found out about how stupid you are? And the even stupider decision you made?”

Hongbin whipped his head to the younger member. Face hardened.

“Do you expect this whole out-of-wedlock baby will just blow over without any damage? I know you are not the smartest, nor the ones that cared the most. But please don’t be so naïve.” The younger man went on. The annoyance in his face is clear. “I have seen idols went down with less scandal than a baby. Their album sales drop, they were refused from tv programs and public appearances.”

“Sanghyuk, stop it right there.” Wonshik warned him.

“Or what hyung?! The damage is done! It’s been done since Hongbin was crazy enough to keep it.” Sanghyuk was glaring sharply at this point to Hongbin. Hongbin was thankful of the coffee table that is still between them, the only piece of furniture that is stopping him from pounding on the other man. “So this album needs to be extra good. With extra merch. So that if the next album is destroyed and we lose all support, and we ended up jobless at least we have something to live off of.”

Sanghyuk grabbed his bag and made a motion to the door. Hongbin take a hold of his shoulder. “Yah, are you blaming my son for something so uncertain? He’s not even born yet!”

“And here we are, waiting for the ends of our careers.” The tall man walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Hongbin threw a nearby water bottle at his direction, but he was too late. It hit the door instead. He is angry. He is livid. He is sad. He is disappointed. He felt protective. He felt like he had done nothing useful in his life. “ARGH!!” He punched the air.

“Binn-ah, don’t listen to him. He’s just scared.”

“And you don’t think that I’m scared?! Every single day since I found out that Eunjung is pregnant I have been terrified! Do you think I don’t feel guilty?! I do, Wonshik!! Every single time I think of the prospect of being a father of raising my son as pretty much a single father! The possibility that I will screw up everything. What if I bring this child to the world only to face a horrible life? What if I failed as a father and my child grew up a little fucker? Every time I look at Eunjung, do you think I don’t feel like I have ruined her life?! She have so much going on for her, and all I did was walk in, jizzed and mess it up! She tried to hide this from me, and says that everything is alright. But I know that she had been missing classes and works. Shik I made her delay her graduation because she can’t finish up her research!! I made her put her life on hold for a baby she did not even want! Oh my… what would she say to any man that wants to be with her? They will be spooked when she said she have a child already, what man wants to be associated with a baby that is not theirs? I have ruined her shot at a happy life, Wonshik-ah.” At this point his breath was ragged, his voice hoarse and his eyes started to sting. “You think I don’t have the same fear that Sanghyuk had? Shik I read the fancafe every day. Wondering what starlights will say when they found out. I love that they have been giving us nothing short of warm love and support, but what do you think they will feel? This is the biggest betrayal they would never expect, this is not what they signed up for. They will tear me to pieces.  And then I see you. I see all of you…….. I have ruined our lives.”

“Hongbin-ah.” Wonshik rushed forward, out of his chair to wrap his arms around Hongbin’s wide shoulder, currently slouched and curled in. “Ssshhh….. Calm don’t. You will be a great father, and we will always be there for you and Red Bean. Your child is not a mistake Bin.”

The tears are burning its way out of Hongbin’s eyes. Ripping across his heart. He weakly clutched the back of Wonshik’s hoodie.

“Hongbin, don’t listen to everything that he said in such high emotion.”

“But he’s right. He’s just the only one that express it. I know that all of us are scared. I know that all of you hate me for insisting on keeping the baby. Shik, I know how much you value your work. You can be angry at me, you deserve to be angry at me. Why are you still here, defending me?”

“But I’m not. I’m nervous, and anxious. But I don’t hate you. And I don’t hate Red Bean, I never could. If I hate you and Red Bean, why would I help build the crib? If I hate you and Red Bean why would I buy all of those cute sneakers and onsies? I don’t think I will ever exchange my sexy sports car for a boring SUV for people that I hate.”

“Thank You, Shik.” Hongbin pulled away, to get some air. “Really, the reason you exchange your car is for Red Bean?”

“I don’t think it’s safe to put a child with the car seat on a sports car. I don’t think the baby car seat even fit in my old car.”

“Shik-ah. You loveable idiot!” Hongbin pulled Wonshik into another tight hug.

“Okay, now you are being a little dramatic, and you start to hug like N-hyung. You’re scaring me….” Hogbin still haven’t let go. “Bro, seriously you can let me go now. C’mon let me go, so we can lock up and go home. I can’t work anymore. Too much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, so is anyone still here??  
> as always, your comments, inputs, and criticism are very much welcomed.


	18. Breathe

Hongbin woke up the next morning feeling like he aged a few decades. The emotional toll the previous night had drained him, he woke up with a deep sigh. Not wanting to face the world and the members and wanting to just burry his head in the blankets before rolling over to play Overwatch until he is ready to roll back to bed.

So he checked his phone. He had a few miscalls. He remembered it came in during the first argument with Takewoon-hyung. And didn’t realize anything else coming in, and after they got home, he just collapsed into the bed, after a half-hearted shower.

It had all been from Eunjung. He got a little worried, but she did not leave him a message. So he gave her a call.

“Hello. Good morning, sleepy head.” She greeted at hearing his raspy sleep ridden voice.

“Morning, Eunjung-ah. You called me kind of late last night, what’s up?”

“Were you asleep last night?”

“No, I was still in the studio. Some of the members were arguing. And I was just stuck between two of them. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. It’s just that last night I don’t know why, Red Bean was being upset. She was moving so much, and kicking here and there. I don’t know, the baby just refused to calm down. I tried talking to her, I tried rubbing, I tries calming music. Nothing worked, so I tried calling you.”

“Oh My, I’m so sorry. But how is Red Bean now? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, the baby settled down around midnight.”

“Are you alright?” He asked her, because to him she does sounds exhausted.

“Yeah, I’m alright. I was just a little sore from all of the kicking last night.”

“How’s the bleeding?”

“It’s getting much better. I haven’t seen any spotting for the last couple of days, so I hope this means that the placenta previa is resolving.”

“That’s good to hear. So Red Bean is alright, right?”

“Yep, she woke up with me this morning. I have been feeling small movements. I swear Hongbin, your child is very active.” She chuckled, her voice sounds refreshing to his tired ears.

“Ahahhahaha…. Well, it is my child. I can’t stay still.” He chuckled before settling into a little silence. “Hey, I miss both of you.” If it was any other situation, Hongbin would cringe at the words he is saying.

“Hmm… I think the Baby misses you too. That was why I tried calling you last night actually. To see if she would calm down if you talk to her. Connect the phone call to the belly-pod, so she can listen in to your voice.”

“That would’ve been nice. But not last night for sure. It was really tiring, and emotionally draining. If anything I might agitate him even more.” So he proceeded on telling her about the argument between Wonshik and Taekwoon, and some parts of the ones with Sanghyuk. Skipping over then Red Bean blaming and crying bit. They carried on talking until she had to get ready and hung up the phone. But not before making a promise to call her later in the day, so that he can talk to the baby.  

Just before they end the line she said “We miss you too.”

Hongbin was hoping to get some more quiet time for himself. But he is not so lucky, as Hakyeon walked into his room after a soft knock. Hongbin should remember to lock the door. “Hey, you’re awake, I heard you were talking.” The oldest member of the group approached his bed and unceremoniously plopped himself on it. Forcing Hongbin to scoot to the side.

“Hyung, I know you are the smallest out of all of us, but you’re not exactly tiny either.” Hongbin got shushed with Hakyeon asking him who he was on the phone with so early in the morning. “It was Eunjung, she called me last night and I didn’t pick up. She said the baby was upset and won’t stop kicking. But he had since calmed down.”

“So it’s a boy?” Hakyeon asked.

“We don’t know yet. The doc asked whether or not we wanted to know. But we choose not to know.”

“But you were calling Red Bean ‘he’.”

“And Eunjung had been referring to Red Bean as daughter.”

“Ahh…. Okay okay..” Hakyeon had moved impossibly closer to make himself comfortable in the limited space of Hongbin’s bed. “So, Shikkie told me about happened last night.”

“….”

“Both with Taekwoon and with Sanghyuk.” Hakyeon now have one arm thrown over Hongbin’s torso and one supporting his head so he can look at the younger man. “How do you feel?”

“I feel that Wonshik was being shitty to Takwoon hyung. He should apologize before Taekwoon hyung’s anger escalate. We don’t need people speaking formally again. Or Taekwoon hyung refusing to do things because of this.”

“That’s not what I’m asking you about, and you know it. You are avoiding talking about it.” Hakyeon stare pointedly at Hongbin. He took one of the younger’s hand. “Tell me how you feel.”

“Hyung…..”

“Wonshik told me the things that Sanghyuk said.”

“Why can’t Wonshik just not run his mouth for once? It’s not that hard for him to shut up you know.”

“Binn-ah….” Hakyeon whined low-key scolding the younger man.

“Do I really have to talk about it?”

“Yes.” Hakyeon waited for Hongbin to start talking.

“Well, I mean I was hurt, obviously. The things he said, makes it feel like its Red Bean’s fault. And I don’t think it’s fair for him to blame the baby. But I understand where he is coming from. Where his fear stemmed off of. I mean I guess I am to blame for all of this. And it’s a wonder everyone else had been so supportive of me and my decisions. I can fully understand that you hate me.” He took the time to pause and drew a deep breath, his chest started to feel constricted again. “But I wish he would be more civilized about it. Talk it out like the adult he always claim to be. All this time he had just been spatting at me. He had been completely ignoring me out side of work. And even when it comes to work he only talks to me as needed. I mean yeah sure when it’s with everyone else he can smile and laugh. But when it’s only the two of us, he’s just so…. I don’t know hyung.” Hakyeon moved his hand to rest at Hongbin’s opposite shoulder, effectively hugging him with one arm.

“What do you want to do?”

“Is there anything that I can do? I mean sure I want him to act civil towards me, for him to not be so angry at me. But I don’t think it’s my place to say it. And he will just get angrier at me.” Hongbin looked away from Hakyeon’s look. He preferred to look at his bedroom wall than at his leader. “I don’t know hyung, I just missed him. I miss how easy it usually is around him.”

“I know. I will try to talk to him about it, reason with him a little. I mean if we can’t get him to come around completely, at least it’s not so strained during the day.”

“Yeah, thank you for doing this hyung. I think at this point, only you can get through him”

“It’s part of my nature as your mother hen.” Hakyeon chuckled, as he untangle his arms away from Hongbin and just settle on his back. Well as much of his back can make contact with the small bed, the rest is just laying halfway on top of Hongbin’s own shoulder.

“So, what do you have going on today?”

“Well, I’m up now. So maybe I will go to the gym then go to the studio, listen through yesterday’s recording. Wonshik and I didn’t manage to get around it last night. With all of the drama. I’m going to go ahead and do it before he got up. Let him sleep for a little longer. Then we have the meeting with the Japan production right. For the fanmeet?”

“Yep, we both have that. Well I have a full schedule too. I have this meeting with a producer, an offer from a drama. I think it will end up being an informal audition.”

“Hyung, have Wonshik apologized to Taekwoon hyung?”

“Yep, after talking to me last night. He slipped into Taekwoon’s room, and I did not hear anymore yelling so I assumed everything is good. Oh and I was checking on them this morning, I saw that they were peacefully asleep.”

“They slept together?”

“Not, together, together. But yeah, I guess Taekwoon just didn’t have the heart to get Wonshik out of his bed once that snoring machine is activated.”

 

 

Around mid-day the house had fully woken up. Wonshik finally rose from his half comatose state in Taekwoon’s bed. After they got home the night before, Hongbin had jumps straight to the shower and bed, claiming that he’s too tired to even play. Waiting for the bathroom to free up he made himself a cup of warm tea. He was nested on the couch with his puppy on his lap when he felt hands on his shoulder, massaging the tense muscles.

“You look tired.” Hakyeon said, as he massage a little more of Wonshik’s shoulder. It’s rare that he does this, being the oldest member of the group he is usually the one asking for massages, but when he sees that his kids are exhausted and stressed he doesn’t mind.

“Drained.” Wonshik replied as he felt the sofa dip with Hakyeon sitting beside him and took the mug from his hand to take a sip for himself. And he proceeded to tell their leader about what had happened in the studio not an hour ago. Hakyeon had that effect on him, the older man does not have to say much for Wonshik to start spilling his thoughts and worries. His body started to relax a little as he snuggled to Hakyeon’s side a little bit.

After the conversation, Hakyeon took the mug to the kitchen and pushed him to the bathroom. Telling him to go apologize to Taekwoon soon, so he did. Walking into the tall man’s room. The lights were already off, but his door was not closer, so he walked right in and snuggled in.

“Hmmm?” Taekwoon mumbled half asleep when he felt warm fresh out of the shower body behind him.

“Hyung, I’m sorry that I was shit.”

“Hmmm….” Taekwoon patted the hand that snaked around his torso. “You were shit.”

“Am I forgiven?”

“Only if you let me sleep now.” Taekwoon pushed Wonshik’s hand away from his body, but did not shove the other man off his bed, the warmth was comfortable.

“Okay.” And Wonshik did not remember when he fell asleep. That was how he woke up to an empty bed in a messy room.

When he walked out of the room, he saw that Jaehwan was still in the house. He was playing with Eungdongie on the carpet of their living room. So he lay down next to the fluffy pair, Wonshik placed his hand on Jaehwan’s folded leg. “Good morning.”

“Good morning my ass. You sleepy dork, its lunch time! The other are already gone, N hyung have meetings, Taekwoon-hyung already going to the theater, Hongbin left very early today. I heard he is going to the studio so that he can do some of your job for you. Sanghyuk…. Wait, I think he is still in his room. I think he is still sleeping.”

“See, so I’m not the only sleepy head.” Wonshik tried to argue his position. His puppy had walked out of Jaehwan’s arms and into his. To this the main vocal pouted. “What are you doing still home?”

“Well, I’m waiting for you, I don’t see any point going to the studio if the producer is still asleep in someone else’s bed.” Jeahwan moved so that he too is laying down, so that he can get closer to the puppy and effectively to Wonshik.

“Are you jealous that I’m on someone else’s bed?” Wonshik giggled as he reached out and take a light hold of Jaehwan’s chin. The cute man only shook his head to remove the hand from his face, and gave Wonshik a look that said ‘Why in the world would I be jealous?’

“Shik, I heard about the fight.”

“What fight?”

“The one that happened last night you dummy.”

“Ah….. Which one? There’s more than one you know.”

“The one with Sanghyuk. You and Daeguni-hyung fight all the time, I stop considering them actual fights. And it was his bed you invaded last night, so I know it’s all good.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure it’s much of a fight though, since it’s one sided.”

“What do you mean one sided?”

“Well Sanghyuk was blowing off and then Hongbin just sort of stood there, and got angry a little too late, and the Satan left. Then it’s Hongbin’s turn to blow.”

“Hongbin blew?”

“Yeah, shouting, crying, snorting, hugging and stuff. Honestly I’ve never seen him that shaken over words before.”

“Binnie cried? What did Sangyuk said? I thought Binnie was the strongest when it comes to those things.”

“Awful things, and it just hits him in all of the wrong places. I guess Sanghyuk was cornering Hongbin, unnecessarily so. If all he wants is to re-record, he doesn’t have the threatened Hongbin and brought up Red Bean.”

Jaehwan got quiet, letting Wonshik’s hand rest on his head and comb through his un-styled hair. His distractedly play with the rolls at the back of Eungdongie’s thick neck. “Jyann-ah, be honest with me. And don’t try to lie, I would know.” Wonshik said, resting his hand on Jeahwan’s face, out of habit of the things they usually do for the fans and the camera. “You don’t speak much about this thing. About Red Bean. Sure you show your agyeo and everything, you get small gifts for him. But you never really talk about how you feel about this whole thing. About the baby living with us.”

“What is there to say about it?”

“I mean you must have felt something. Do you want it, do you resent it? You know that with the promise we made Hongbin, all of us are going to be on diaper changing duty at some point right? Do you we can make it even after the baby news is released?” Wonshik tried to coax the words out of those plump sets of lips. At this point, they were just laying down on the carpet close together, with his puppy between them. And because of Stupid Hongbin for bringing it up repeatedly, Wonshik can’t help but to study Jaehwan’s face closer, lingering on his features, marveling on the curve of his nose and the folds of his eyes.

“The situation is not ideal, I know. But…. I don’t know. I never really thought about it, it just accept it as a given. I just felt like it’s not my place to say anything about it. Hongbin and Eunjung had made the decision together, it’s their child. So all I can do is just to not make situation more difficult, it’s hard enough on Hongbin as it is.” Those plump lips are moving, the asymmetrical way it folds and pulled back as he talk is distracting to Wonshik. “What about you? You have a whole lot to lose.”

“So do you, you are the ones that wants to keep on being on stage. For me, I can just write and produce and never have to see the light again.”

“But that’s not what you wanted.” Jahewan countered, he looked up to stare Wonshik straight in the eyes. His eyes brown and striking, his pupils dilated from the shades blocking the winter sun from piercing their living room. “Come on, be fair Shik. What do you think of the baby?”

“To be honest, Hongbin had me last night. I was so scared of what Starlight will think and how they will react. Even if they are forgiving, I know many of them are possessive, and many will feel betrayed. And I’m just afraid that we will lose them. And the prospect to not being able to carry on as VIXX scares the living bejjesus out of me.” Wonshik drew a deep breath, looked away from the piercing gaze, because he might just melt into a puddle of goo in front of Jaehwan. “At first I was tempted to convince Hongbin to terminate the baby. To just let it go away. But then I saw him researching. Not just about pregnancy, but how to raise a child. I saw him look into school districts and parenting books. I once saw him reading this website way earlier in the pregnancy, before Eunjung made up her mind to keep the baby, I saw him reading about how babies learn languages. The possibility of teaching an infant how to read and talk. Jyan, he went to those lengths to ensure that he will be able to be a father.

“I can’t ignore that amount of dedication. For someone who claimed to not want a baby, he is very laxed about letting Eunjung decide. So I had a feeling that he secretly wants the baby.”

“Really, you think Hongbin wants the baby?” Jaehwan asked, reaching for the shrimp pillow just beyond Wonshik’s head, leaning closer to get to it before withdrawing and positioned the pillow under his head.

“He might not know it himself. But look at his room hyung. Look at how much he had prepared for the baby. For God’s sake, he took his gaming station out of his room! So I guess I just melt.”

“You’re so soft.” Jaehwan pinched at Wonshik’s cheeks. It’s rare for Jaehwan to do this, usually it’s the other way around. Jaehwan doesn’t usually initiate the contacts other than leaning in if he needs comfort. “So you think things will be okay?”

“Well, internally I think we will be fine. I’m sure Sanghyuk will come around eventually. He loves Hongbin, he can’t stay mad for too long. But outside, I don’t know, and I can’t afford to think about it now.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Jaehwan sigh. “Ewh, your breath is funky. Go wash up, take a shower and shave like a normal civilized human. Half of the day is gone already. Let’s go get something to eat and then let’s get to work.” Jeahwan sat up and made a motion to hurry Wonshik along. “Go. Go. Eungdongie will help me pick out what to wear.”

“Eish, just wear anything. We’re only going recording anyway.”

“Excuse me, but some of us likes to look nice and feels that rubber slippers with white socks in the airport is not acceptable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it might feel like a filler chapter, but i feel like i want to address the feelings a little more this time around.   
> i hope you like the RaKenDong cuddle <3
> 
> oh and once again i am on the last pre-written chapter,  
> Chapter 19 is still not ready, and i'm scared.......


	19. Going back to the nest

“You are so….. blonde.” Eunjung said as Hongbin walked in the door of her apartment.

“This is not the final form, it will be blue, don’t worry.” Hongbin wrap his arms around both of them, Red Bean and the mother, as he stood behind her and planted a kiss on her temple. “Are you ready to go?” She is standing in front of her full length mirror in a grey shirt and tan skirt.

“I look like a whale. None of my clothes fit me anymore. This skirt is supposed to go down to my calf and look cute, but with the bump it’s just bunched up and hiked in the front. No one warned me that being pregnant is going to make me this ugly.” She is twisting and turning, still having Hongbin’s arms around her, checking her side profile. Her pregnant belly stood proudly.

“You don’t look ugly. You look just fine.” He nuzzled his nose to her soft brown hair, adding to the reassurance. At that she released a deep breath and leaned back to Hongbin’s wide chest, letting him comfort her. “Let’s go.”

 

Miraculously, despite all of the arguments and disagreements VIXX manage to wrap up the recording phase of their album right as Taekwoon wrapped up his musicals. All but one song, their title song, because it kept of getting bounced back by their executive, something always doesn’t sit right with the song. Granted the whole album is quite experimental with VIXX, for the first time they are trying to engage with the more modern EDM sounds that are much heavier on synth than any other record they have done before. And there are a lot of pressure to distinct their sounds from anything else that is currently in the market.

So they were anxiously waiting for that song to be finalized to start rehearsing the new routines. And they have about a week to rehearse for their show in Chile. But then in such a tight crunch, who decides to go on a vacation and leave their poor rapper-slash-producer locked in a purple lit dungeon? VIXX!

Hakyeon ran off to the ocean with his boyfriend, the trip disguised as a shooting for a future Japan travel promotion that he has, but that does not stop him from extending the trip to the South Sea by one night. Sanghyuk went on a road trip to wrap up his university life with his friends and suspect girlfriend. Taekwoon and Jaehwan went home to their older sibling’s place to play with their niece and nephews, playing with kids and become Eomma’s baby boys once again.

Hongbin also have free time now that the recording is finished. The only job coming up in the near future is to prepare for the promotion of his one time drama, but that is taken care of with just one meeting. So he decided to spend the time with Red Bean, and this time around he and Eunjung decided to do something that have never done before. But know that it must happen one way or another;

They are meeting the parents.

The condition is going to be complicated, since they are not exactly together. So presenting themselves to each other parents are going to be awkward. Sure, both sides of the family are aware of the situation. But it does not erase the fact that the situation is anything but ideal. Maybe if would have been better if they are together and decided to get married after the baby is born, but the truth is they are not. Far from it, they are not even dating.

Before this meeting, they have never communicated with each other’s parents’. They are in charge of talking and explaining the situation to their own parents. Hongbin’s conservative parents had not been happy with his actions and decisions. His mother had cried and he almost had his nose broken by his father. They both expected more of him, and said that they have raised him better than to just get some girl pregnant and not marry her.

Both of his sisters had been a lot more understanding, even though they still question him about the decision to not just be with Eunjung permanently. But they had been willing to listen to his explanations and reasoning, representing Eunjung’s personal reasoning as well. It is only with the help of both of his sisters that his parents came around and willing to allow him in their house again. They had manage to convince his parents to -at the very least- listen to him.

They were not able to be completely happy for him, as they find it hard to understand. But they realized that no matter what, the child is going to be born and Red Bean will be a part of their family. So it’s not fair to deny a child of one set of grandparents. And they, themselves, are not willing to not meet Red Bean.

 

So the pair is standing in front of the full sized mirror, getting ready to leave. They will have lunch at Hongbin parent’s house along with his sisters and then dinner with Eunjung’s mother. Eunjung put her hand on top of his that is still resting on her belly softly caressing the sleeping baby inside it. “Are you sure this is going to be okay? Bin-ah, I’m nervous.” She looked up to meet his eyes in their reflection in the mirror.

“I’m sure it’s going to be alright. I mean my sister are going to be there, you can talk to her about being pregnant and all.”

“But what if they don’t like me? What if they think I am just this dumb girl that get herself pregnant to take advantage of their baby brother?”

Her eyes are starting to show her worry. So he turned her around so that they came face to face. “Eunjung-ah, they will not think that, and I will never let them think of you like that. You are a smart woman, smarter than I would ever be. And we step into this together, no one is taking any advantage of anyone. Alright? Now what if your mother just think of me as a jerk that ruined your life?”

“She won’t, when she was here after I was hospitalized, she keep on asking about you. She was so excited to meet you. Don’t worry about her, she knows that you treat me well.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get to meet her when she was in the city, huh.”

“It’s alright, you were busy with recording. And we are meeting her now anyway.”

“Alright. So are we ready to go?” Hongbin started to pull away, but Eunjung stopped him. Her hands in his. “What is it?”

“I’m still nervous.” She looked up at him with black eyes.

“Well, so am I. So we’re even right?” He smiled at her. He took her face in both of his hands and kissed her forehead. “Let’s go.”

 

“Bin-ah, I’m more nervous that I was an hour ago when we left the house.” Eunjung said as they sat in the car, in front of Hongbin’s parents’ house. “Are you sure the rice cakes are enough?”

“Yes, they are enough. Those are my mother’s favorite. Let’ just walk in, I’m sure my father already heard the car and it will get weirder if we don’t get in now.” He reached over the central console and grabbed Eunjung’s hand. “We’re going to be fine.”

“We’re going to be fine.” Eunjung repeated their mantra to each other as she looked up at Hongbin, before reaching over and pecked him on the cheek.

The pair walked in the house, Hongbin’s hand on the small of Eunjung’s back for reassurance. Eunjung hesitated to enter when Hongbin just opened the front door of the house. Her heart on her throat and her hands shaking nervously as she clutch the gift bag full of rice cake treats. After Hongbin stood there for a moment, holding the door open for her, she finally stepped in the house.

When they walked into the living space, Hongbin’s brother in law and father are in the living room, playing with his nephew.

“Hello.” Hongbin greeted them, and pushed Eunjung lightly in front of him. “This is Eunjung, the mother of my child. Please be nice to her.”

“I never said I would not be nice to her, it was you I was angry at.” His father said, he then stood up to greet Eunjung properly. At that Eunjung bowed as much as she could, making herself as small as possible. “I hope my son have been treating you right. After what he did to your life.”

“Sir, Hongbin had been nothing but caring towards me and the baby. We are well taken care of.”

“Good, good. At least he knows how to act like a man.” Hearing this words, Hongbin just bowed his head in shame. “Ah, Honey. They are here!! Hongbin finally brought home a pretty girl!” the old man shouted to the general direction that Eunjung guessed is the kitchen. Her heart was racing so fast she feared that people might be able to head them thumping against her chest. Because she is a lot more nervous in meeting Hongbin’s mother than his father. Being a woman, Eunjung feared the judgment that will be passed her way for getting herself pregnant. She is afraid that in their eyes she will just be the opportunist that is leeching on their son’s fame and wealth.

Then an older lady stepped out, undoing the apron she was wearing. She is slightly shorter than Eunjung, a little plump with age. Her face is delicate and sweet, Eunjung now knows where Hongbin got his smile from. “Ah… you’re right, she is pretty. What’s your name dear?”

“Choi Eunjung, Mam.” Eunjung said as she once again bowed. And extended her hand, to hand over the gift they brought. “A little something for you. Hongbin told me that you like rice cake sweets.”

“That’s so sweet of you.” The old lady took the bag and peer inside. Then she looked up and smiled. She moved in on Eunjung to pull her into an awkward hug. “How have my grandchild been? Are they healthy?” she said as she rub Eunjung’s belly.

“Yes, mam. Healthy and very active.”

“Good good. You know, when I was pregnant with this boy right here, I can hardly sleep at night. He moved around so much, kicking me here and there. Every night. He started moving a lot sooner than both of his siters.” The older lady already launching into story telling mode telling stories about her own pregnancy with her youngest son, as well as his childhood, as she guided Eunjung to their dining room, and sat her down on a chair. Forbidding her to help with the final lunch preparation and setting the table. Next to her Hongbin sat and reached for her hand under the table, squeezing it lightly.

When they were finally all seated around the table, Eunjung finally got a chance to look at the faces. On the head of the table is Hongbin’s father, his beautiful wife next to him. Then next to her, directly in front of where Eunjung sat, is Hongbin’s oldest sister. She looks like she is around her mid-30s. She is a splitting image of Hongbin, only with a slightly softer jaw. Next to her is her husband, patiently preparing food for their young son. His other sister cannot make it to their family lunch.

Eunjung honestly felt like she does not belong here, surrounded by very good looking people in a very intimate family setting. She felt like an outsider intruding on their lives. Knowing that she will never belong here and this will never be her place, made it a little harder for her. But she knows that she will always be linked to these people all her life now, because of the child she is carrying. That if anything were to ever happen to her, they will be the one taking care of her child fully.

 “Hongbin, dear. Are you sure you are not marrying this girl? She is perfect. I would not have minded having a daughter-in-law like her. Imagine how lovely it would be, the three of you once the baby is born. The picture of a perfect family” Hongbin’s mother asked in the middle of their meal.

“Eomma.” Hongbin’s tone had a sublte warning in them.

“I mean, it just does not make sense. Why are you so against marrying one another? I see you two getting along just fine. You don’t hate each other. And you obviously care about each other. So why not make it simpler for everyone and get married?”

“Eomma, please. We have been through this. We don’t believe in getting married just for the sake of getting married. If someday, we manage to find each other again, and somewhat fall for one another because of just one another and not because of our child. Then sure, I am not against getting married. But now like this.”

“Eunjung, dear. What is it about my son that makes you not want him, even when he is the father of your child? Do you not want a good family for them to grow up in?” Hongbin’s mother pressed on.

“Mam, I just don’t feel like I am ready to be someone’s wife right now. I cannot ensure that Hongbin will be happy being married to me. I am letting him choose his happiness. I will be alright.” Eunjung softly said. “Your son had been taking very good care of me even without us being married. This is more than enough.” Her tone put a finality to the discussion. She hardly say anything else after that, keeping her eyes down.

The rest of the lunch went a little uncomfortably after that. It’s clear that Hongbin’s parents still wishes for them to settle down together. So that their family would remain in order, and they do not have to split their grandchild, with another woman that is not tied to them permanently. Even though Hongbin’s sister tried to melt the tension by asking her what Eunjung does for a living and generally advice about late term pregnancy and birthing, the conversation still left heavy air around the table.

The pair decided that they would stay a little bit longer for tea, and to enjoy the rice cake treat together. Around this time, Hongbin’s other sister came. She is a little younger, a little chirpier and shared Hongbin’s playful personality. She fussed over Eunjung and adoring her bump. She had brought a gift for them, a little monkey plushies. She said it reminded her of Hongbin when he was younger.

Soon they pair bid their goodbyes. Saying that they have quite a drive ahead of them if they want to make it to Eunjung’s mother’s for dinner and back to Seoul before it gets too late. So they said goodbye with hugs, Hongbin’s mother giving Eunjung a peck on both cheeks and a look of longing in her eyes. And she whisper to her, “Please take care of them, the baby and my son. They can’t do this alone.” Her eyes a little glassy.

 

So the pair drove in relative silence, soft music playing in the car. Hongbin’s eyes on the road but his mind is running a mile a minute, recounting what happened back in the house.  While Eunjung is being lulled asleep by the sway of the car. Right around dinner time, they arrived at Eunjung’s mother’s house. It’s a small landed house just outside of Seoul with a big garden.

As they step out of the car, a woman with short brown hair open the front door. She is petite and energetic. “My angel!!” she came rushing and envelope Eunjung in a hug and showers her face with motherly kisses. “How have you been love? Is your back okay? How’s the bleeding? Is the baby alright?”

“Yes, yes. Eomma, everything is alright. The bleeding comes and goes, it was a little heavier yesterday.”

“Oh, look at you. You are glowing. Please take care, eat well okay!” The older lady stared at her daughter adoringly, before she turned to Hongbin. “And this must have been Mister Lee Hongbin. The man that dared to knock my daughter up!”

Hongbin bowed deeply. Half in respect, half in fear of what would come out of this woman’s mouth that will put him eternal shame. “For that I apologize, mam. I promise I will take care of your daughter and our child.”

And he heard chuckles. Well he did not expect that. Confused, Hongbin raised his body back to standing. “What did you say about me to get him so scared?” Eunjung’s mother nudged her on the side. “It’s alright young man. I have seen that you take care of my baby well. I am not angry at you, not anymore at least. Come on. Dinner is ready, and your brother is already screaming in hunger.”

As they enter the house, it feels warm and lived in. They settle around the dinner table. Then a tall young man enter the room. “You must be the jerk that knocked my sister up!”

Seeing him Hongbin stood up from his chair and bowed deeply too, face parallel to the dinner table.

“Yah, Jungho-ah. Have some respect, he is your hyung. Who taught you to be so rude?!”

“Hehehehe… but it’s funny. Look at him. He’s so scared that I will beat him up.” The young man approach the table, he is dressed comfortably. “I’m sorry hyung. I’m Jungho. Eunjung-noona’s younger brother. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He shook Hongbin’s hand and gave him a pat on the back.

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Lee Hongbin.”

“You know what hyung, my sister had mentioned you once when she was in high school. She said there is this boy….” Jungho never manage to finish his sentence as a flying small pillow landed on his face and hindered his speech.

“Jungho was not saying anything about high school at all. Right?!” Eunjung’s tone threatening.

“Aish, kids, stop bickering. You are not babies anymore. Why is it I see both of you successful as adults in the big city, but once you are with me both of you are babies again?” Their mother said, as she put the soup pot in the middle of the dinner table. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Hongbin noticed the absence of their father on the table. Or in the house, for that matter. “Aren’t we waiting for someone else?”

“No, we’re not. It’s just us.” Eunjung’s mother said, as she scooped rice into her bowl. “It’s always been just us.”

So the dinner started with little small talks. Jungho and Eunjung updating their mother about how both of them are doing. Eunjung also explained to her mother what Hongbin is up to and what is to come, with the trip to Chile, the trip to Thailand, the album release and the promotional period.

“Are you sure, you can take care of my daughter with all of those activities? I don’t want you to leave her alone.”

“I will try my best, mam. Eunjung’s and Red Bean’s health is always my priority.”

“Not just her health, young man. Her other needs too. Soon she will start needing a lot more, and able to do a lot less. I don’t want her to have to go through it alone.” She warned Hongbin.

“Eomma…”

“My husband and I separated a long time ago, when I was pregnant with Jungho. I don’t want my daughter to have to go through what I went through. She deserve the best, and the utmost comfort.”

“Eomma, don’t burden him like that. He has been doing more than enough.” Eunjung tried to shush her mother. Not wanting to put too much pressure on Hongbin, because she can see the stress that had been building up inside of the man the closer it is to their comeback time.

“Yes mam. I will ensure that Eunjung will be at the utmost comfort. I will always set aside time and energy for her and the baby. I will take full responsibility of Eunjung’s wellbeing.” Hongbin declared to her mother, looking straight at her.

Just before Hongbin and Eunjung left for the night, Hongbin manage to have a little time alone with Eunjung’s mother. He take out a small box from his pocket and gave it to her. Inside is a pearl pendant with a delicate silver chain. “I will keep them safe to the best of my ability. Thank you for letting us do this, Mam. Please do not hesitate to scold me, if somewhere along the way, you feel like I am not doing my best.”

 

Their drive home is long, the traffic in Seoul is near unbelievable. So when they got back to Eunjung’s apartment, both of them were exhausted.

“Eunjung-ah. You never told me about your father.”

“There is nothing to tell, I can hardly remember him. He played no part in my life.”

“But it must have hurt you. With this whole pregnancy. Carrying Red Bean alone most of the time…”

“It doesn’t matter, Bin-ah.”

“Yes it does. I wish you would have told me earlier. So that I can…. I don’t know, not propose to carry the child to full terms, not force you to do this. Knowing that it will hurt you like this.”

“Bin-ah, you don’t see me complaining, you don’t see me crying about it, I am not forced into this. This has nothing to do with my father. What we have here, is different. He was never present, he never cared, and he left my mother when she was pregnant. And you are here, you always cared. You show me so much more than my father ever did. Red Bean will be good with you.” Eunjung reached out and take both of Hongbin’s hand. “If I think you are anything like my father, I will not hesitate to terminate the baby. But I see you are not.

“I think part of my decision to keep Red Bean was because I wanted a family. A family I never have. And when you stepped up, I thought I will finally have that family, to see the father that was never in my life. But I guess I didn’t thought about the other things. How we are not a real family, with my hesitation into all of this.” At this point, Eunjung’s voice is hardly above a whisper, and tears were in her eyes. She cast her head down, ashamed of the fantasy she had and how naïve she was for thinking that this will grant her the perfect picture.

“Eunjung-ah, look at me.” Hongbin said, as he put both of his hands on the sides of delicate beautiful face. He tilt it up to meet his gaze. “We are a family. No matter what. No matter what other people say. It’ the three of us, you, me and Red Bean. That will never change, regardless of how it may look to the outside world. We are a family.”

The light grip Eunjung had on Hongbin’s elbows tightened. Tears are falling freely from her tired eyes. “I know, I know. Thank you, Lee Hongbin.”

“How can you have so much confidence in me? Despite everything.” Hongbin caressed Eunjung’s cheek.

“Because you trusted me, from the very beginning. You trusted me to make my decisions, you trust that I will not leech on your fame and wealth, you trust me Bin…

“I know we both have our fears. You especially, you have so much to lose. Yet never once have I seen hesitation in you when it comes to Red Bean, never once have I seen resentment in your eyes when you look at me. And as each day pass, I can only see your love for Red Bean grow.”

“Eunjung-ah….” Hongbin was at a loss of word, he is overwhelmed by the courage this woman had. He is overwhelmed by the amount of trust she put on him. How much Eunjung is willing to push past her own fear and pain for their little Red Bean. Hongbin stepped closer and enveloped Eunjung in his arms, and he felt her melt into him. Resting even more trust into the fragile thing they are building together. The gentle strength that is the mother of his child.

After a while, their eyes met. So close to each other, breath and tears mixing. Dark pools meeting each other. And just like that moment 26 weeks ago, they were lost in each other’s eyes. Their lips met. Soft and warm. Moving gently, filled with feelings neither can find words for, and both knew that enough had been said for the night. A world went unexplained between them and they held each other with a longing neither realize nor understood. All that was important was they are in each other's arm right now.

“Stay. Stay with us tonight.”

And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the longest chapter yet, i just cant seems to stop nor split it into two chapters.   
> what do you think??
> 
> is it too dramatic?


	20. Mother Cha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanghyuk feel like he is a responsible adult. He takes care of his business, he separate his work and pleasure. He exceeded expectation. And he make sure that birth control are in place. But one thing he never expect is Cha Hakyeon sitting THERE!!

Rehearsals are at full swing again in the Jellyfish studio. The boys are preparing for their performance in Chile for Music Bank, as well as preparing for their comebacks. On top of retaining all of the choreography and vocals from their old songs, they need to prepare for their special stage as well as start choreographing the two new performances for their promotional period that is fast approaching. This takes a lot of concentration from the members as well as physical endurance. Late nights are spent in the studio perfecting it.

All of them are on perfectionist mode, some staying later than others. Some worrying over choreography. Some always ask another run through from the top. All are tired. All are worried. All are on edge.

All Sanghyuk wants at the end of the day is to go home to somewhere safe and comfortable, where he can finally rest his mind. Somewhere he had been seeking sanctuary for the last few months. Somewhere he now hides in every time he feels like the situation in his own apartment gets too much.

Never once did he thought VIXX will ever be somewhere uncomfortable for him. In the beginning it had been hard, and all he wants to do is go home, but never once had if felt uncomfortable. He felt like the older members are always looking out for him. But in the last few months with the turn of event, being in their joint living space gets a little too much for Sanghyuk. It felt suffocating, he felt like he can’t catch a break, he is constantly worried.

So when he went home late that night, and he shouted his usual greetings and he toes out of his sneakers. “Babe, I’m back.” He did not expect the sight that welcome him. He expected his tall girlfriend to be on the couch, a mug of warm chocolate in her hands, watching one of her many movies, going through her list of wanting to watch as much films ever made. The sight that had been his comfort for a little while, because he knows that he can jump in the shower and joined her for a relaxing cuddle.

Sure, she was there tonight. But she was not alone, and she was not watching films.

“Hi, Sanghyuk…. I thought you would be home by now.”

“Hyung…..” Sanghyuk was speechless, looking at Hakyeon sitting comfortably in the armchair of his girlfriend’s apartment. “What…. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, me? Just getting to know this lady you refuse to introduce to us.” The older said nonchalantly. Then he look at Sanghyuk, who was still rooted on the entrance of the living room. Sanghyuk felt like his heart was on his throat, trying to process what is happening in front of him.

“What? You think I wouldn’t know? Sanghyuk, I’ve known you since you are 16. I have seen you grow up. I know what is going on in your life. Come in, sit down, and settle down. I have something to talk about with you.”

Sanghyuk slowly made his way to the couch, looking at his girlfriend trying to look for some explanation. But her eyes are just wide and raised both of her shoulder, not knowing why Hakyeon was there either. Nor how he knows where she lives, for that matter.

“So I take it you’ve met Ara.” As he sat on the sofa across from Hakyeon, one hand on Ara’s leg next to him. He felt like a little child caught playing out instead of being in school. But at the same time he felt violated and breached. Her apartment was his safe haven from the drama going on in his own apartment, but to have the King of Drama came here himself made him feel a little more than just cornered.

“Yes, I have. Finally.” Hakyeon smiled at her.

“Why are you here, Hyung?”

“I am here because I can’t find you anywhere else. You are hardly home, and when you are, you will be sleeping and the doors would be locked even Wonshik have to knock to get his clothes from his own room. In rehearsals you are too focused on picking out even the smallest of mistakes and barking orders.”

Ara felt like the conversation is getting sticky so she quickly extracted herself from the scene with the excuse of running errands. She does not need to be involved or witness another drama. She had heard enough from Sanghyuk, and if he had been right it’s a lot of drama that she does not want to be a part of. And she does not want to be in a position where either men can turn to her for reassurance and having to pick a side in their family drama. She will just hide out in her friend’s house until Sanghyuk says it’s safe to return.

 

“So, since you already kicked my girlfriend out of her own apartment, are you going to finally tell me why you are here?” Sanghyuk said accusingly at Hakyeon, now sitting alone in the comfortable sofa Ara just vacated. At times like these, he really hopes that she stayed by his side.

“So she is your girlfriend. See, it wasn’t so hard to admit. I have been here for almost an hour, trying to pry it out of her, but she just won’t out rightly say it. Why are you hiding her from us, Hyoggie?”

“I’m not hiding her, I just haven’t found the right time to introduce her to you.”

“When do you think is the right time? When the whole thing with Hongbin blew over?” at this statement the younger of the two look up and his eyes hardened. “Do you feel guilty for being with her, but being so hard on Hongbin?” Hakyeon shoot straight to the point, knowing that it’s a sore spot for the younger man.

“At the very least, I make sure than I was never see together with her and when I am with her protections are in place. For both me and her. No stupid accidents will happen.” Came the expected defensive response.

“But that doesn’t answer the question though, baby. Why haven’t you introduce her to us? She is lovely, I think I have seen her around before. So you guys were obviously friends for a while before you started dating, she told me you met in class 2 years ago. This is not just a fling for you. Why?”

“…… Hyung…”

“Do you feel hypocritical being so harsh on Hongbin and then being intimate with a woman too? Obviously you are not against any of us having our own lives, you never spoke against Wonshik’s girlfriends or the people Takewoon slept with either. So why are you being so hard on him? Even today in rehearsals, all you do is bark at him. Making him even more frustrated.” Hakyeon pressed on, knowing that he needs to rile Sanghyuk up to get him to start listening.

“Because….. I think what he is doing is just stupid and irresponsible. He is a grown man, and he can’t even be responsible enough to not jeopardize everything?”

There it is, the reason why the maknae is so angry. Hakyeon had suspected that the only reason that he was so harsh on Hongbin is because he is scared just like all of them are, and he felt like Hongbin is only one to blame. “Sanghyuk-ah, are you sure Hongbin is not being responsible? Have you look at him lately? Have you seen our apartment lately? Baby stuff is everywhere, parent book here and there, he is constantly on the phone checking if the mother and child is alright. Is that not taking responsibility?”

“But if he had worn a condom, then we do not even need to have baby stuff everywhere. Then we would not have to deal with his PC being in the living room, then everything would just be alright.”

“Okay, I am not going to deny that he messed up there. But what happened had already happened.”

“He could’ve not carry on with it.” Sanghyuk hesitated.

Hakyeon did not expect Sanghyuk to bring it back to the hard decision both Hongbin and Eunjung had to go through. “So, you wanted him to terminate the pregnancy when they still could?” Hakyeon sighed.

“I mean…. You said it yourself, that first time he told us about the pregnancy. You said that if she doesn’t keep the baby it will all be over, it will never be a problem. And it’s obviously the neatest way out. So why doesn’t he do that? I don’t understand. He doesn’t even want the baby.” The younger man try to reason. Pulling a large bunny plushie on the couch to his lap, trying to put a physical barrier between himself and Hakyeon. Sanghyuk cannot understand how the initial suggestion of terminating the baby and have the woman kept quiet just went out the window. Even with the company, he expected Jellyfish management to push harder on cleaning it up before it got blown out of proportion. It infuriates him how everyone just turned soft at the mention of babies.

“Yes, I did. We all did. We were all silently praying that they will terminate the baby and get it over with. But then I realized something. At the time when we suggested that, we were not thinking about how Hongbin feels, we were not considering the amount of responsibility he felt at the time.” Hakyeon looked down in shame, because he had been the one that suggested to Hongbin that terminating the pregnancy was an option when the man himself have never consider it. “But, try putting yourself in his situation. What if Ara somehow got pregnant, being 100% positive that the baby is yours? Will you ever have the heart to tell her to get an abortion? Will you be able to make that decision?”

Hakyeon let the silence hung in the air.

“I don’t think you would be able to do that.” Hakyeon tried to drew some sympathy from Hyuk. “None of us could. All six of us will never be able to do that. So it’s not fair to expect Hongbin to do it. You know how he is raised, his conservative family and how they shaped his understanding about a family.”

“I know. But he should have thought about the consequences. We are not just ordinary people hyung. We don’t have just any job.” Hakyeon heard the fear seeping from Sanghyuk, mirroring his own. The biggest challenge yet about this whole ordeal is dealing with the public. How they are going to release it, the reaction and the backlash that for sure is going to come.

“I know that, we have a lot to lose. And we are all afraid. Hongbin especially. He have been stressing over that for the last 6 months. But right now, he is doing the best he could. He is trying to be the best father he could be, against all odds.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that this might potentially end all of our careers.”

“I know. I am afraid too. All of us are. All of us know for a fact that the support of Starlight and the public is the only things that keeps us going. But that is no excuse to put even more burden on Hongbin.” Hakyeon looked at Sanghyuk. He looks like a scared child that he is, sitting on the couch. “Wonshik is the most worried, we both know how he worries about everything right. How he gets angry at the slightest imperfection to the work plan. But he had found it in himself to accept and grew to love Red Bean. So I don’t think the baby is a legit excuse to punish Hongbin.” He can feel the desperation and frustration seeping out of the younger man. The feeling he also shares.

“Sanghyuk-ah, he miss you. He miss talking to you, he miss having you as a friend. Please let the anger go.” Hakyeon softened.

“How could I?” the younger’s voice is a little strained.

“Talk to him, let him explain the situation to you from his perspective. See what he is doing. If you take the time just to look at him these days, you see that he is completely in love. Can you imagine Hongbin in love? He is completely taken by his baby, nothing else can shake him now. Don’t you think Hongbin deserve a little break from all the pressure?” Hakyeon chuckled, remembering the times he eavesdropped on Hongbin’s conversations with Eunjung, or the time he caught Hongbin falling asleep with the picture of the latest ultrasound in his hand. “At this point, none of us know for sure what will happen. But all of us knows that it’s too late to change the decision, the baby will be in our lives. So what is the point to keep on fighting? Spare your feeling and energy.” Hakyeon moved to sit next to Sanghyuk. “Now, more than ever, we need to be united. In the next months, we will always be in each other’s faces. We will do almost everything together. Now more than ever we have to be able to trust each other. Sanghyuk-ah, we need to be a family again.”

“Hyung…” The way Sanghyuk looks at him right now reminds him of the time just before their debut, when Sanghyuk was struggling to meet the expectation of their job. When he was just a tired child hardly getting enough sleep, juggling between dancing, singing, foreign languages and art school. The child who was so unsure of himself and his own ability this close to giving up but desperately fighting for his dream.

“It’s fine to take your time to process everything in the beginning. It’s a lot to take, I know. It’s scary I understand. All of us are scared. But it’s about time you be civilized again, the initial shocks and anger is long overdue.”

“This is everything I worked for all my life. I feel like this is just the beginning of my career. I’m not ready for it to go away.” Sanghyuk is frustrated. Because for so long he had been denying the situation, hoping that it will just go away. He felt ashamed when the first thoughts that went through his mind when he read their group chat and saw Hongbin rushing to the hospital was ‘ _Please let it be a miscarriage.’_ But with Hakyeon here, laying out the condition and shoving it to his face that it’s not going away forces him to swallow the bitter pill. And the pill was bitter, since he spend so long holding it in his mouth before swallowing.

“It will only go away if the public see us divided. Turn us against one another. Make us hate each other and break our group.”

“It’s not that simple, hyung. Don’t be naïve.” The younger man rolled his eyes.

“I know it’s not. But this is the best that we have now.” Hakyeon put his hand on Sanghyuk’s thigh. “Hyoggie, we don’t do this. Yes for 6 years we fight, we argue, we got angry. But that’s it, we got angry until we cry then we make up and move on, we don’t let it drag on for months.”

“I know, hyung. I’m sorry.”

“I am not going to lie to you and say everything is going to be alright. Or that I am not scared. I am terrified. Wonshik is shitting his pants, and Jaehwan is praying that his babies will understand and Daeguni’s heart is breaking. But we don’t know for sure. So what is the point to be scared alone? When we could face this together, like we always have. What is the point of hiding your worries from us and run away?” Hakyeon tried to convince the youngest member to understand the communal pain and fear. Hoping that it will drew him back, closer to home.

“Hyoggie, I love you. I really do. And in my eyes your will always be a cute little baby. But I need you to be an adult now. I need you to be able to come to terms with the reality and put yourself in Hongbin’s position and understand him.” Hakyeon reached out and take Sanghyuk’s hand in both of his.

“I don’t know if I ever could.” To be honest, being mad at Hongbin is painful for Sanghyuk too. Because he was distancing himself away from the closest person in the group. His eating, gaming and pranking buddy. He had missed Hongbin too.

“Try, baby. Please try.”

“Mom….”

Hakyeon just look at him. Signing that he have nothing else to say in the matter. “Now, you need to explain to me. Why are you hiding?” Hakyeon looked around the apartment, it’s nicely decorated and comfortable. The building is located in a good neighborhood close to the city, it must’ve cost a fortune.

“I’m not hiding.”

“Yes, you are. You are here most of the time instead of at home. If you want to spend time with Ara, I understand. You are an adult. But I don’t want you coming here to avoid coming home. If you have a problem, talk it out. If you can’t talk to Hongbin directly, you always have me. Wonshik is always working so you know where to find him, Jaehwan is always willing to listen, and Taek is worrying about you.”

“Have I really been hiding?”

“Yes you have, Hyoggie.”

“But it’s so comfortable here. I feel safe and calm. I feel like I can just leave all of my worry at the door and breathe when I’m here with Ara. And I get to have blankets here, it doesn’t just disappear.” Hearing the claim from the younger man, Hakyeon felt his heart break a little. The fact that the younger man no longer feel safe and comfortable in their own shared house. And he had to go elsewhere to find that comfort. The fact that his comfort as a leader and care taker had been replaces. But he needs to remember what he just said earlier, his baby is growing up. That he will find people in his life that made him feel better. And Hakyeon need to let that happen.

“So… Ara…..” Hakyeon baited. And Sanghyuk took it, his face blooms with a shy smile.

“Kko Ara. I like her hyung, a lot. She is funny, witty, and hard-working. She likes black-and-white moves in French, and she doesn’t even understand the language! I don’t it’s going away soon.” Sanghyuk played with the ear of the bunny on his lap. “She cooks. And she’s in the fencing team, she puts my work out routine to shame.”

“So, that means we will be seeing her around right? You will finally introduce us to her.”

“Soon, hyung. I’m not sure she likes me as much though. She is just so cool. I don’t want to scare her, since I know you guys can be intense.” Sanghyuk’s demeanor and hesitation reminded him of how he felt around Wongeun the first time they started hanging out. The fear that his feelings are only one sided, thus it takes them so long to finally started dating. But he doesn’t want to push the younger man, he needs to be able to confirm for himself that his feelings with Ara’s are on equal grounds.

After a little more chat about Sanghyuk’s relationsip with Ara, Hakyeon decided that his job here is done. It’s time to leave Sanghyuk to himself. Hopefully with a more forgiving heart, so that the rehearsal room and VIXX in general would stop feeling like a war zone. So he bid his goodbye, asking Sanghyuk to come home once in a while and eat with him at home. With a pat on the fluffy red hair and squeezing his overgrown baby in a bone crushing hug, Hakyeon take his leave.

 

 

A <3: _is the coast clear??_

A <3: _Can I go home to my own house now?_

A <3 : _Please tell me your hyung is gone, and my apartment did not turn into a murder scene!!_

_Don’t worry, minimal blood was spilled._

_Yeah, he just left. You can come home now._

_I’m sorry you had to run._

_I’ll take a shower._

A <3 : _sure, you free loader._

A <3 : _Don’t use up my cinnamon shower gel!_

_But then how am I going to be your ginger bread man?_

_Hehe_

_Hurry!! I miss you!_

“You were distracted. If you were too tired from rehearsal you should have told me, we don’t have to do it tonight.” They were lying in bed that night, a light layer of sweat still linger on their skin from their previous activity, wrapped in Ara’s thin summer blanket.

“Was I? I’m sorry. I’m not tired, just had a lot in my mind.” Sanghyuk said, wrapping his arms around Ara’s bare back and tuck her closer to his chest.

“What is it baby? Talk to me. Is it something your hyung said?” she softly said and she runs the tip of her nose up and down Sangyuk’s neck, stopping here and there for small kisses and nibble.

“Hmmm….” Sanghyuk hummed in pleasure. “Yeah, nothing you don’t already know. He just want me to go home, talk to Hongbin.”

Ara wrapped her arms around Sanghyuk’s shoulder, to bring herself up to his eye level. “You should.” She looks into his dark brown eyes in the semi darkness of the room. “You miss him. You miss his a lot. And you are starting to mope around.”

“Are you kicking me out?”

“No, I would never. You are good to have around, but not like this. When you are all stressed and distracted. The sex is not as good.”

“Oh, is that so?? Am I here just to fulfill your carnal desires??” a glint of mischief in his eyes. He rolled them over so that he can pin her tall frame under his even taller one before launching on a full force attack on Ara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here is ch 20.  
> i hope you guys enjoys it~


	21. Our Own Lives

Hongbin is not an emotional man. Or at least he used to not be an emotional man, they last few months had been an anomaly. But the does miss his little brother. He felt like his best friend had been ripped away from him during the toughest of times. To him, Hyuk is the relief to so many of the things in the world. Their friendship had always came easy for him, they never ffeel the need to fill everything with conversations and they never felt the obligation to keep the other up to date with what is happening in their life. They just say things that they feel like saying at the time, no pressure, no demands. Hongbin needed that a more than anything else now, he needed conversations to not start with ‘How’s the baby?”. So when one night just before they were about to leave for Chile, he got a party invite in Overwatch he almost cried.

_HSHbadaim has invited you to a party._

Was all the in-game notification said, that got him shouting out in the middle of the night in their apartment. After a tiring rehearsal, he and Jaehwan decided to play a few games in Overwatch before retiring to bed. They had been the only two people that came home. The other members had dispersed all over Seoul, doing their own things.

“Hyung!!! Sanghyuk invited me to a game!!!”

“Good, he invited me too.” They shouted across the living room and Jaehwan’s room.

“We haven’t played in a game together for the longest time. What had gotten into him?” Hongbin hurriedly joined the party and connected to their team voice chat. But Hongbin stopped himself from his excited rant. Not knowing exactly what to say. And if he said he is glad to be playing with Sanghyuk, he’s afraid it’s going to make the situation a little too awkward.

He was rescued when Jaehwan joined as well and started the conversation about the game they are going to play and the hero to round up their team. The night they play a few games just like old time. Not baby talk, no schedule talk. Just pure teammates communication, calling out enemies and game stats. It is not ideal conversation to have with Hyuk after so long, but Hongbin though that this is already a much better improvement with him sending the invites and all. Hongbin see this as the first step of Sanghyuk forgiving him. The feelings and clarifications can wait.

Sanghyuk being the guy that he is, does not approach Hongbin to talk about what happened and how he feels. He just slides back into Hongbin’s life with suppers and jokes, as if nothing ever happen between them. And Hongbin is okay with that, at the very least he got his best friend back. He trust Hakyeon, he is sure the older man had talked everything out with Sanghyuk, and there is no need for him to discuss them over again.

 

Fast forward to three weeks later, the week before the release of Eau De VIXX. The last push of the crunch, but this time around it’s added with a few pre-recording for their promotion. That night they had a schedule where all 6 of them together for an episode of Tipsy Dingo. They might as well consider it more like a break other than work, since all they have to do is sit down, eat dinner, drink, play games and answer random questions. Because they have yet to catch a break in the last weeks, working non-stop on their comebacks and upcoming concert and fanmeet in Japan.

At the end of the night, they decided to go their separate ways. Taking care of private matters, a little break from being on each other’s face.

It was past midnight when Hongbin showed himself in Eunjung’s apartment. Surprisingly Eunjung is still awake and sitting in front of her laptop on the kitchen counter. “Why are you still up? I told you not to wait up for me.”

“Oh, I’m just finishing up a few things.” Eunjung looked up from the glow of the screen as Hongbin approached. “You look tired.” She reached out to his face, bringing him closer to her. He really does look tired, with dark circle under his eyes barely hidden under faded layers of make-up. His blue hair had already washed back out to bleached blond, making him look paler. “Have you been getting enough sleep?”

“As much as I can.” He said to her, his voice had softened, the kind of voice he usually adopted when there just the two of them at home. Whenever he is caressing her increasingly growing belly, like how he is right now. “How have the both of you been doing?”

“We have been alright. A little tired, but alright.”

“You should sleep then, the work can wait until tomorrow.” Hongbin moved in to give Eunjung a kiss. She lets him. Pulling him a little closer with the hands she had on his face. She easily opened up to him, and he can’t help but nibble a little on her soft lips.

But then she quickly pulled back. And scrunched her nose. “You taste like alcohol.”

“Yeah, we had a tipsy filming. But I am not at all drunk.” He tried to convince her, as he moved in for another kiss.

“But you still taste and smells like alcohol.” Denying the silent request from Hongbin. “Pregnant lady nose.”

“Alright, I’ll take a shower. Then let’s go to bed.” After stealing a small peck from Eunjung, Hongbin jump in the shower, letting the grease of their dinner washed away and brush his teeth twice to get rid of the stench of alcohol Eunjung hated. By this point in the pregnancy and in their relationship, Hongbin is comfortable enough with Eunjung to a leave a few of his clothes in her house and to go full force on cleaning her apartment when he feels a little bit too pent up with stress and had a little too much energy at the end of the day. She never complained either, since moving around is still limited to her because of doctor’s order with the placenta previa, and he is a good cleaner.

When Hongbin finished his shower, Eunjung had already turned off most of the lights on the lower level of the apartment and had climbed up to the sleeping loft. He found her reading in bed. He took a moment at the top of the stairs just to look at her. Dark brown hair falling around her face, a little wavy from the twist of the messy bun she had on top her head a few moments ago. She was wearing a loose comfortable t-shirt and some cotton shorts to bed, bump supporting the book she was reading. To him, she looked peaceful, content. At times he wonders, if it weren’t for the unexpected baby, would he ever get to see her like this. Will he ever got the chance to see anyone like this? So unguarded, relaxed and trusting.

Eunjung felt eyes on her, and she looked up to find Hongbin pausing at the foot of her bed. She looked up from her book and smiled when she saw his face. Now clean of any trace of make-up. His hair damp from the shower. He looks comfortable in his slouchy t-shirt and basketball shorts. It gets a little easier to look at him like this, it gets easier to believe that he is here. He is just Hongbin, not VIXX’s Hongbin, the oh-so-glorious visuals. Because it has been hard for her to feel confident around him. Especially with the newest direction their relationship is taking. A break in the intimidating public image that is Lee Hongbin is much appreciated for her. When she sees him puttering around with dirty laundry and rags, wiping down dusty surfaces and re arranging her shelf. When he let out his quipping nerdy references. As well as the snarky comments he has when they were just at home watching TV.

Eunjung’s smile is still as sweet as it was when they were in high school, and Hongbin felt the giddiness he felt when he met her back then. It’s just that the 7 years they spent away from each other added up now. He climber the foot of the bed and crawl over to where she sat leaning against the head board. “Hey” he said before moving in to give her another kiss. “Much better?”

“Much better.” Eunjung giggled. “We’ve missed you. Where have you been?”

“Jellyfish dungeon. I have been rehearsing non-stop. I’m sorry I wasn’t around much.” Hongbin slide down from Eunjung’s face to be at eye level with Red Bean. “Hey baby. Mommy said you’ve missed me.” Hongbin softly said to the bump as he rubs a warm palm softly over it. Under his palms he felt the baby moved. Even though the feeling is familiar by now, he still feels his heart racing. His head never stop imagining what is going on in there. What is the baby feeling, is he hearing things already? Will the baby recognize his voice one he is born?

Hongbin planted a small kiss on the top of the bump, right above Eunjung’s belly button. Hongbin made himself a little more comfortable by stretching out his legs behind him and laying on his stomach, arms supporting his upper half. “Eunjung-ah, May I?” He looked up at her. His hands are fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

Eunjung was disturbed out of her reading. She had developed a habit to not pay too much attention to Hongbin when he is speaking to Red Bean, trying to give them a little privacy. Seeing Hongbin looking at her so hopefully made her put her book aside. It took her a while to understand what he was getting at. But when she realized, she was a little mortified. She was not sure if she is comfortable with what he was asking of her. Especially with the stretch marks she found a couple of days ago. But he was looking at her with those big eyes, looking like an excited child. So she gave in and gave him a little nod.

Seeing the small nod gave Hongbin a lot more excitement than he care to admit. So he slowly lift up her shirt to expose her skin. This is the first time he had seen her naked belly up close, it was only pictures she usually sends him of the bump. They have never been this comfortable with each other before, being practically strangers. He was fascinated with the way her skin stretched over her expanding womb.

Without the fabric of her shirt between him and the bump, the movement looks so different. It looks so much more real and alien like at the same time. “Hey Red Bean, how are you doing? Are you alright in there?” Hongbin follows it up with a kiss right on Eunjung’s belly. That caused her to giggle.

“It’s so strange. It feels weird when you kiss the skin like that. You kissing from the outside and the baby moving inside.” Right as she said that, the baby made a big move. Hongbin can actually see there was a tiny elbow sticking out of the belly. “Alright, someone is wide awake and very excited.”

“Hey, buddy. I guess you know that Appa is here, huh?” Hongbin’s heart soar, as he caress the bulge forming on different sides of Eunjung’s belly. With his large palm he was gently pressing on the belly.

“Buddy, chill. It’s kinda still a human you are kicking into. Okay, baby that’s Eomma’s ribs, it kinda hurt.” Eunjung said, with a little wince of pain in her voice. Hongbin only giggle a little more as he showers more kisses on their unborn child, exciting the moving baby a lot more. Luckily for Eunjung, the baby did not move further up her ribs and kick harder.

“Eunjung-ah. Did you remember anything?” Hongbin said some times later, after he’s had his Red Bean dose for the night.

“Remember what?”

“You know, from that time?”

“What time?”

“That time we did it?”

“We did it? Seriously Lee Hongbin? You can’t say the one time we had sex and made this little bubba right here? What are you, twelve?”

“Ya, you know what I mean.”

“Why did you ask? So suddenly. Did you not remember anything?”

“Honestly, I did not remember anything. I remember getting in the room with you, but then nothing. Just woke up with the worst hangover of my life, and I had to flew to Japan.”

“Hmm… I can’t say I remember everything. I was drunk too. I guess I remember snippets from it…. A little.”

“What was it like?”

“Are you seriously asking for a feedback right now?!”

“NO!!!! No, that’s not what I mean…. I mean…. Yeah, I am asking for a mini feedback. Yes.” Hongbin shyly looked at her.

Eunjung furiously blushed. “How am I supposed to respond to that?” She covered her heated face with the bottom of her shirt. “I guess… I mean it was good, as good as sloppy drunk sex can be. But there’s this thing….”

“What thing?”

“This thing that you do…. No one else had ever done it.”

 

“What are you doing here? I didn’t know I will get to see you before you go to Thailand.” Wongeun stood amused at his apartment door. He had opened the door when he heard a knock so late at night. And to his pleasant surprise he saw his boyfriend leaning on the door frame, though a little more intoxicated than the legal driving limit.

“Can’t I just pop by because I miss you?”

“Yes, yes you can, love. But you know the key combination to my door, why not just come in?”

“I can’t press the buttons. They are too tiny for my manly fingers.” Hakyeon was waving around his tanned fingers in front of his eyes, and classic Hakyeon style a few of those fingers were wrapped in bandages. At this point Wongeun can gauge just how drunk Hakyeon actually is, from the slur of his words, the unsteady sway he had and the ridiculous things spilling out of his mouth.

“What have you done to my boyfriend? I don’t see you for 3 weeks and you go down 2 sizes!!”

“I lost a ton of weight! Baby, I’m not round and chubby anymore!!”

“But I like my chubby Yeonnie~”

“Oh shut it, you love me anyhow I look.” Suddenly the giggle drop, and Hakyeon was looking straight at Wongeun’s eyes.

“You’re right. That’s too true to be good.” Wongeun now have an armful of Cha Hakyeon and swaying dangerously close to the kitchen counter. “Come on let’s get you cleaned up and ready for bed.”

So with much difficulty and a change of clothes for both of them due to some throwing up accident in the bathroom, the two tall men finally made it into bed. “Wonguen-ie, thank you so much for taking care of me. I’m sorry I puked on you.”

“It’s okay, it makes you feel a little better right, you seemed a little more sober.”

“Yeah. And now you can stop wondering why I don’t drink a lot. Because when I do, I throw up on people.” Hakyeon whined from the bed as he felt Wongeun settling in next to him after turning off the lights in the bedroom.

“Knowing that does not stop me from wanting to get you drunk though. Tonight I only get the tired and throwing up Hakyeon, the crew and members already suck all of the fun out of my drunk Hayeon. Next time I want it all to myself.” Wongeun scooted over to the side of the bed Hakyeon was on to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, rubbing comforting circles on his back and head, trying to ease the tension.

“You’re ridiculous.” The older man said, as he settle into the comforting touches. “But it’s so nice like thing. Getting taken care of. Not having to worry about so much things. You know the last couple of months had felt like a marathon that never stops. I am just exhausted, I guess now I understand why people deliberately gets drunk. When you are drunk you just don’t think so much. You just let it flow.”

Wongeun lets his exhausted boyfriend rambled on, knowing that when Hakyeon is fully sober, he will never get it out of his chest. At least not this freely.

“I mean, can I just catch a break for once? I am so tired with everything!! I feel like I work 3 jobs, singing and dancing is sure something I love. Writing songs is exciting. But I did not sight up to be the emotional punching bag, why do I have to be the oldest in the group? Why do I have to be the one dealing with the arguments all the time, and calming stupid, cranky, tired Wonshik. Having to be the one taking the heartbreak from Hyoggie’s problem with Hongbin. And then Hongbin just tells me about his worries, or he lets me see it more than he lets others see. And why Does Hongbin’s room so stuffy? He has the least stuff, but the air is so bad. Is he seriously going to raise a child in that room? It’s stupid the amount of things I need to worry about, and then they make fun of me for worrying so much, for always being the uptight no fun mother Cha. Well it’s not like I have much choice now do I?!

Sigh. “Wonguen-ie, I’m just so tired. My eyes won’t open.”

“Shh… it’s okay. Let them close, tonight you don’t have to worry about anything else anymore. You are not mother Cha tonight, you are my Hakyeon tonight. Just sleep, I will let you sleep in, and I will make sure you will not miss your flight tomorrow.” Wonguen wrapped his arms tighter around his small boyfriend –small comparatively to him-. Kissing the tops of Hakyeon’s head that is cuddled up to his chest.

Wonguen does not understand much about living as an idol, and living with 5 other people and what it meant to be a leader. But he can tell the weight of responsibility Hakyeon carried around on his shoulder are an enormous one. So if he can in anyway be a relief to the older man, he would gladly do so.

 

Jaehwan was already half asleep in his bed. He was tired from the full day rehearsal and how cheery and active he had to be for the filming, though not as energetic as he usually needs to be. Since a drunk Taekwoon and Hakyeon more than make up for what they needed. And Wonshik too, he was being weird, Jaehwan can’t tell was that from being tipsy or just too tired. He knows that the younger man is still working on some independent music on top of their upcoming album, even though in the last week Wonshik had actually been home instead of his studio.

That was when he felt warm body behind him, along with a dip in the bed. He is used with Wonshik invading his bed on nights where he feels too tired and needed comfort of he just forgot his own blanket. So he let it happen.

 What he did not expect was when kisses were sprinkled all over the back of his neck. And the hand that snaked around his body.

In his half intoxicated brain, Jaehwan is struggling to process what is happening. The hands and kisses keep on coming. The kisses had spread to the side of his neck and the back of his ears. His body let out an involuntary shudder.

Nimble fingers keep on moving all over his ribcage, pressing him closer to the warm body behind him. Then the hand sneaked under his thin t-shirt, grazing his bare skin with shortly clipped finger nails.

“Hn..Stop…”

“Why? Doesn’t it feel good? Jeahwan-ah...” Wonshik nibbled on Jaehwan’s ear, pulling the new piece of jewelry into his mouth as his hands crept up to Jeahwan’s chest.

“Stop, Wonshik. What are you doing?!” Jaehwan is started to panic as Wonshik’s moves keeps on getting bolder, caressing his skin. His sober half of his mind says that this is bad news, both will find themselves wondering what it all meant in the morning. The drunk half of his brain wanted to enjoy this, succumb to the pleasure. He knows that Wonshik had been on the affectionate side with him for years, but he always pushed it aside. He doesn’t want to complicate anything between them.

It’s not like Jaehwan doesn’t think that Wonshik is an attractive man, nor he is someone he absolutely will not be with. But Jaehwan had never been with a man before, and he’s afraid that the attraction to Wonshik is not real and it will mess with everything. The hand currently moving its way down to his thigh is not helping with his dilemma.

“Wonshik-ah, you’re drunk. Please don’t do this. It’s something you will regret tomorrow.”

“No, I’m not drunk.” Wonshik said, his hand stilled. “Do you want me to go?”

“Wonshik, go away. Please leave me be.” Jaehwan whispered.

With one last kiss on the back of his neck, much softer than the ones before. Wonshik left Jaehwan’s bed, and leave the older man cold in the late spring air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, hi....  
> he he he he....  
> Bye....


	22. Two Man Trip

The next day, Eunjung woke up relatively early for the time the both fell asleep the night before. She woke up before Hongbin did due to being kicked from the inside. Red Bean decided that playing kick-Mommy-Awake on her ribs this morning, Eunjung can’t began to imagine how it would feel like when the baby has dropped and put full pressure on her bladder. She will be feeling those kicks even more than before.

She woke up with her blanket kicked off the bed, with the combination of the upcoming summer and being pregnant, blanket is not a priority. With the added heat of Hongbin sleeping next to her does not help with cooling down either. Hongbin was sleeping on his side, facing her. One hand under his head and the other slung over her, to rest one hand on the bump.

Eunjung finds it endearing, even while sleeping Hongbin still instinctively reach out to Red Bean. Wanting to as close as possible to their baby. It gave her a sense of security too. A few times she felt as if she is falling through the cracks, but time and time again things that Hongbin does reminded her that she is not entirely alone in this journey. Small things like calling in the middle of the day while he is still breathless from dancing, dropping by late at night to help her clean up around the apartment or sending food over to her apartment when he doesn’t have time to drop by.

So that morning, Eunjung took the time to stay a little longer in bed, looking at the man sleeping next to her. A man that just a few months ago was a stranger to her. It’s so surreal how things had unfolded in her life. In the past couple of years, she had quite believe that she will never be a mother. She had toyed with the idea of adopting a child later in life, but not bearing her own especially not this young. She had been so set on choosing the path to have a career, taking the world on her own. One part of that was influenced by her experience of witnessing what children can do to a woman. Her own mother was an aspiring writer in her youth before falling for her good for nothing father and having her, at that point, her mother’s career was still a possibility. But once her father had walked out on his pregnant wife, her mother had to carry the weight of feeding all 3 of them on her own, and her writing career was tossed aside. No longer having the luxury to wait and get picked up by a publisher.

Eunjung had feared, that if she would have a child before things in her life is exactly the way that she wants it to be, it will never be. The moment she woke up in the crack of dawn on a Friday morning in September next to a passed out idol, she knew she had fucked up. And when she confirmed that she was pregnant, she know that her only hope was to terminate the baby or else her life is over. She had firmly believed that she needed to terminate the baby immediately, regardless of what Hongbin will say. If he doesn’t want to help cover the medical bill fee, then she would pay them herself –Hongbin insisted to pay for everything now. But her resolve falter during that first check up and then even more when Hongbin was willing to step up. The fantasy started to crept up on her, the possibility of actually pulling this off. That as a woman she does not have to choose between her career or having a child, and eventually a family. That maybe she is given the chance to enjoy both, the chance to prove to herself that she does not need to be one or the other.

In the morning light, she admired his face. The pointy nose, wide chin, strong jaw and large eyes that are still closed. The face that had morphed into her anchor, giving her a fragile picture of what security feels like. She can’t resist touching his face. Her touch stirred him awake, she saw his eyes creaked open, taking a peek at the living daylight before quickly closing them again and burying his face into the pillow with a sleepy whine.

“I don’t want to wake up yet.” Hongbin’s voice is raspy with sleep.

“You have to though. You told me you have a meeting before you have to go to the airport.”

“But I want to stay in bed with you.” Hongbin’s voice is muffled by the pillow.

“Well, mister you can’t. Thailand is waiting for you.”

“But if I go to Thailand, I will miss the doctor’s appointment. It’s tomorrow right? I want to be there with you.”

“I would want you to be there too. But unfortunately you have a job.”

“I don’t want you to be alone tomorrow. What if the placenta previa does not resolve?”

“Well, let’s just hope that it does. I haven’t bled in a while, so hopefully everything will be alright. And I won’t be alone tomorrow. I convinced my mother to go with me.”

“But I still want to be there with you. I want to see Red Bean move and I want to hear the heart. I always like those you know.”

Eunjung giggled at the impossible display of sleepy affection in front of her. “You are adorable.” Eunjung leaned forward and plant a small peck on Hongbin’s lips. “Don’t worry the baby will be here soon. We only have about 6 to 8 more weeks to go.”

“Damn, that’s soon.”

“Really soon.”

“Eunjung-ah. Are we ready for the little guy to be here?”

“Fuck, no.”

“Oh, shit. What are we going to do?” Hongbin’s large eyes got wider.

“You’ll figure it out.” Eunjung said as she giggled.

 

 

“Hongbin-ah, why are you so distracted?” Hakyeon said when he and Hongbin finally got some time off camera and unwired in their tree lodging in Pai, Thailand for the shooting of the Battle Trip episodes. They are supposed to clean up from their overnight trip and stranded trip in the airport before they have to head out again to finish the schedule for today. “You were a little off since we boarded the plane. Is something wrong, Kong-ah?”

“Huh? Was I really that distracted? Does it shows on the camera? The PDs will tell us if I was acting distracted right?”

“No, I don’t think it shows in the camera, and even if it does, they can edit it out. But I know you more than anyone else here. So what’s up?”

“It’s just that I am kind of worried. Eunjung is supposed to have her 32-weeks check-up today. We were supposed to find out whether or not the pregnancy has already got back to normal, you know if she needs a C-section or not. And you know, I am all the way here. And not there with her.”

“You were thinking about that?” Hakyeon looked over at the bed next to his to find the younger member’s face in a tight frown, pouty lips and all.

“Yeah. I really wish I can be at that doctor appointment right now. And if I am right, the meeting is already over. But she hasn’t call me yet.” Hongbin said, worry evident on his voice. One other thing Hakyeon noticed was that Hongbin has been checking his phone a lot more often. That was the reason why he had asked Hongbin to drive their scooter first, because he was afraid that if the younger man was left in the passenger seat, he would just be glued to the monitor of his phone and that would not give them good footages for the show.

“Other than the placenta previa, what else were you supposed to find out?”

“Well, that alone really dictates how the delivery is going to be. What method, when, how much. And then we can make the final booking for the postnatal treatment and lodging. Oh and prediction of the due date. It’s getting closer right, this is the second to last check up before the baby is ready to pop.”

“Don’t worry too much about it, maybe the appointment is running late. I am sure she will call you as soon as she can. Worrying doesn’t really suit you.”

“Yeah, I know. But I can’t help but worry you know, if the meeting is running late, there is a possibility that the result is not good. So that they have a lot more to talk about. Because if the placenta issue is not resolved by now, Eunjung will have to be admitted to the hospital right away and on a bed rest. And they may need to do an emergency C-section.” Hongbin is running with the worst case scenario playing in his head now. Because if that is the case, the baby might just be born as soon as next week. And that would not be good for their promotions.

“If it’s that bad, I am sure Eunjung will call you right away. Even before the meeting is finished. You told me that your doctor is chatty right? Maybe they are just chatting. Don’t worry too much Bin-ah. This is the last adventure trip you will get to have before the baby gets here. Just enjoy it! After the baby is born you can worry all you like.”

“You’re right. This is the last trip huh.”

“See! Just let her be, she will tell you soon enough.”

 

After they got changed, they were set to go to their next destination. Hongbin is honestly knackered. Thank God one of their next location is a café that he can sort of rest for a little bit. The café has a nice view of the mountainous Pai. With swinging egg chair that sways around. Not long after they got their shot, Hongbin got a minute to close his eyes. And before he knew it, he fell asleep.

Hakyeon was talking to the PD about their next location and the shots they needed when he turned around to find Hongbin asleep, leaning on the side of the egg-like hanging chair. The younger man looks so peaceful in his pale yellow shirt and blond hair. When he returned to his table he saw that Hongbin’s phone was vibrating with an incoming call. Looking at the caller ID, it was Eunjung.

Hakyeon debated whether or not to wake Hongbiin up, but he looked like he needed the little nap and decided against it. So he picked up the phone call. “Hello, Eunjung-ah. It’s me, Hakyeon. Hongbin is napping right now.

“Alright, let him nap, he’s been so tired. I’ll just call back later.”

“No, don’t. Just stay on the line and talk to me. Is there something important you need to say?”

“I don’t know, I want to tell Hongbin first.”

“Is it about Red Bean? Is the baby okay? Are you okay now??”

“You see, I want to tell Hongbin first.”

“Please give me a little bit. Is it good news or bad news? Please just tell me that much.” Hakyeon low key begged to Eunjung, not wanting to wait for longer.

“It’s good news, oppa.” Smile is audible in her voice. A huge sigh of relieve leaves Hakyeon’s body, tension he does not know he was holding.

“Oh thank God. Hongbin was so worried, he had been distracted while filming. He really wants to be there with you, you know.”

“He told me yesterday. And I actually have something to show him. You know, to make it up to him for not being able to be here. I will send it to his phone. Oppa, please don’t tell him, I want to tell him myself.”

“Alright, I won’t. Oh, I’m so happy that it’s good news. I want to hug you now.” After a few more pleasantries, the two hang up the call and Hakyeon returned Hongbin’s phone to the low table between him and the napping younger man.

Then he looked up at the peaceful face, Hakyeon felt a wave of emotion washed over him. Other than relief, there’s that familiar wave of fear and worry again. By now the feeling is like an old friend. With each coming weeks and the growth of the pregnancy, Hakyeon worries more and more what the future is going to hold for them. How Hongbin is going to be able to raise a child in the middle of their already crazy overworked life. How the additional pressure is going to affect his handsome friend. He was afraid that the pressure would get too much for Hongbin and it will to his head, and knowing Hongbin he will overcompensate for it at the cost of his own health. He knows that when the baby comes, it will have to a team work, the other members will have to help Hongbin as much as possible with raising the child, knowing that the baby will be with them most of the time and the first year is when the baby will need the most attention. It does not help the fact that they are busy this upcoming year, with each members having their own personal projects and contracts. He just hoped that Hongbin does not lose the drama role he had already signed on when the news of the baby broke.

For now, what he see is a peaceful sleeping man. Although a little tired. So he decided to take a picture of Hongbin and send it over to Eunjung, with the caption “Your man looks good even while napping…” the picture is will also be used in their public promotion for the show, but no one needs to know that he sent it to Eunjung first.

Not long after, Hongbin shook awake. He was rubbing at his big eyes, looking cute as a button to Hakyeon. As the younger man was sipping on their fruity beverage, Hakyeon said “Eunjung called earlier, you were napping and Eunjung told me not to wake you up. You should call her back.”

Hongbin’s eyes bulged out of its socket. “She did?! Oh my God!!” and he picked up his phone and jumped up, already dialing Eunjung.

 

When Hongbin came back to their table, he was smiling from ear to ear showing rows of white slightly misaligned teeth. He looks like he had been cleansed and he looks a few years younger to Hakyeon. “I’m so happy, Hyung. You don’t know how worried I was about this check-up. I really need it to go well. Oh my, my baby is save. My baby is alright.” Hakyeon was not sure who Hongbin was referring too, Red Bean or Eunjung when he said baby.

“Glad to hear that, Bin. So does that mean she can go on as normal now? With the birthing and everything?”

“Yes, yes all normal. The blood test also came out good she said, that was why it took so long. They were waiting for a few more test result just to make sure everything is good with the baby and her. Now we can make reservations for the post natal care and everything.”

Hongbin smile just keep on getting wider, his eyes shone bright. “I’m so happy hyung.” For the rest of the day they carried on filming. Hongbin’s smile did not waver off of his face, even if he was thrown in the water more than once and having to climb a tiring mountain for their golden shot.

 

That night they came home to their tree house lodging with a full stomach and tired bodies. They got a lot of good footages without having to do too many takes. Hongbin was laying on Hakyeon’s bed as he waited for the older man to finish washing up so that he can lay out his own futon. Then his phone pinged with a notification of an incoming message on the top part of his screen.

­ _Choi Eunjung send you a video._

This notification peaked his interest, if it were a regular message Hongbin might have waited until he finish watching the game reruns. So he clicked on it and was brought to his KakaoTalk app and chat room with Eunjung.

When he loaded the video he was welcomed by the gray and blue-ish tint of an ultrasound image he finds a little familiar. But this time, it’s not just on a still picture he usually get to go home with after leaving Dr. Min’s office. This time around, the image is moving. It’s a copy of the machine monitor they usually see in the office. Through his earphone, Hongbin can head the subtle sound of mechanical heartbeat that accompanies all of these visits. He can hear two, a deeper calmer beat of Eunjung’s heart and a faster stronger sound of Red Bean’s. The noise instantly fill his head.

Hongbin can tell the nurse was still moving the transducer around to get the best position to see Red Bean. Then unexpectedly, the image changes into a static warm toned rendered 3D image. The picture on his screen showed a baby’s face with tiny fingers covering its face.  But the fingers curled and Hongbin came face to face with a rendered image of his child’s face for the first time.

His breath caught in his chest, he was washed over by an overwhelming feeling he can’t identify. His chest felt constricted, but free at the same time. His eyes glued to the small screen of his phone. The baby in it has its eyes close and lips looks like its pouted. Small nose sat on top of it. The rendered image was rotated to show more of the baby’s face. In the next image flickered back to the greyscale ultrasound to show the side profile of the baby. Hongbin drew in a shaky breath. Because the next image really got to him when it switched back to the 3D render, now the baby has its mouth open and her finger curled. Hongbin swore it was the cutest thing he had ever seen his life.

The 5 minutes video ended with the screen going black and line of text that said “ _Appa, I can’t wait to meet you. <3 Lee Red Bean”_

When Hakyeon climbed through the floor of their room, he turned around to see Hongbin on his bed with tears on his face. “Kong-ah, are you alright? What’s wrong baby? Why are you crying?”

Hongbin looked up in surprise, and wiped his eyes. He looked shocked to find tears. “Huh? I was crying?” the handsome younger man look between Hakyeon and the screen of his phone.

“You are still crying.”

Hongbin sat up a little straighter and motioned for Hakyeon to came over next to him. “Come here hyung. Eunjung just sent me something.” Hakyeon sat next to Hongbin and put in one earbud Hongbin offered him. Then the younger man let the video play.

At the end of the video. Hakyeon was crying too.

“Hongbin-ah, she is so beautiful. That’s your baby right there.”

“It is hyung, it is. She is mine.”

“Eunjung did this for you? She must have felt bad that you can’t be there.”

“Yeah, she did. She is just something special isn’t she?” Hongbin had a note of pure adoration in his voice that made Hakyeon turned to look at him. Hakyeon had a feeling more things are going on between Eunjung and Hangbin than he let on. But he let it go for now, letting Hongbin enjoy the thrill of the video Eunjung sent him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop died on me.   
> and i am still trying to be okay with things and my writing.  
> C U when i C U <3


	23. Baby Ducky

“Aigoo… My babyyy….” Hakyeon shouted as he entered the room, not sparing a moment to look around the room he ran next to the bed and wrapped his deceiving strong arms around the youngest member of VIXX. “Yah!! You got me so worried, one moment you were on stage and then you were gone and on the floor!!” He said face pressed to Sanghyuk’s neck.

“Well, then you might want to be careful where you press your face to. It’s still kind of sore there.” Sanghyuk said, one arm lazily wrapped around Hakyeon while trying to pull his face away at the same time.

“Ah, sorry, sorry. Is this side hurting? What happened? Fill me in please.” Hakyeon pulled back and sat himself on the hospital bed as he let Taekwoon move in closer and give Sanghyuk a quick but tight hug as well. “I’m so sorry it takes us so long to get to the hospital. There was something that we have to take care of with the press back in the venue.” Hakyeon looked around the room. Sanghyuk was on the hospital bed. Wonshik was replying email on the sofa in front of the window, with Jaehwan’s head on his lap. Hongbin was notably missing from the room. The fact got Hakyeon worried. The last few weeks had been good between them, the last weeks of rehearsals and the short 2 weeks promotion had passed by without a hitch. At least no major fighting or evading happening. Avoiding people gets harder during promotion, when all of them have to stay in their dorm so that moving from one schedule to another will be easier for the team.

Even though he can’t say that they look like a perfect family. During fansign events, and radio shows, it’s obvious that Sanghyuk was quitter than usual. He does not make jokes and poke at Hongbin like he usually does. But at the very least, the boy was there, and not ready to throw punches all the time. So Hakyeon gave himself a little credit for that. But now, Hongbin was not in the room. He was just worried that the two had started another fight in the short hour that he and Takwoon had been away.

“I’m too lazy to tell the whole story. And it’s kind of painful to move my jaw a lot. Ask Hongbin-Hyung and Yong-Hyung to explain to you guys please.” Sanghyuk said, lightly massaging the side of his face that was bandaged.

“Where are they?” Taekwoon asked the younger man. “And why can’t those two idiots explain it to us?” He pointed at the two men on the sofa.

“Did you hear yourself, Hyung? You just called them a couple of idiots. And you asked them to explain what is happening?” Sanghyuk gave Taekwoon a disappointed look. Fair enough.

“But how are you feeling right now, baby?” Hakyeon said taking Sanghyuk’s hands in his. He felt so sad looking at their usually energetic maknae on a hospital bed. But he felt a little better to know that Hyuk still hasn’t lost his sense of humor when mocking the two members with the shortest attention span when it comes to technicalities.

“Right now, my jaw is still a little sore. And the cut is stings a little when I move too much. But the headache is gone, they have me a little painkiller.”

“How about the eye? It looks red, and a little swollen.” Hakyeon asked, as he lifted Sanghyuk’s curled hair to examine his left eye.

“No sight problem so far, but we are still checking.”

“The nose?”

“The nose is fine hyung.”

“So what happened actually?”

“Please wait for Hongbin-hyung. I already tell the story twice. To the staff and then to the doctor.”

As if on cue, the door to the hospital suite opened, followed by rustle of plastic bag and heavy steps. Hongbin walked into the room with a hand full of plastic bag with takeout foods in them, their senior manager followed in after him.

“See, there he is.” Sanghyuk pointed at the blue haired man.

The sight of Hongbin brought relieve to Hakyeon, because this dispels his initial worry that the two youngest member of their group is fighting again. Hakyeon physically slump in relieve, squeezing Sanghyuk’s leg under him.

“What?” Hangbin looked around, and only noticed that Hakyeon and Taekwoon had already joined them in the hospital. “Oh, you guys are here. I just got some random bentos from them Combini. I hope both of you are okay with it.”

“Yes, hand them over Bin.” Taekwoon impatiently said. The night had been so hectic after the show he did not realize how hungry he was before this. “So what happened to his child right here? He refused to tell us the full story, claiming that his jaw hurt.” Taekwoon already breaking off his wooden chopstick.

“Right, so I am on retelling-the-story duty huh? So what happened was the confetti machine blew up in his face, to put it simply.” Hongbin began retelling what had happened as he pull out various food boxes from the plastic bag he was carrying. “You know those confetti shooters had the red tape around them on the stage floor right, the red line you were not supposed to go over with any body parts.” Hongbin pointedly looked at Sanghyuk on the bed, the younger man looked down shyly. He mumbled that he was excited for their encore and didn’t pay attention to the marking.

“So yeah. Those marks are signs for shoot off radius right. And that kid brilliantly put his head right on the path. So when the confetti machine blew, he got knocked over. He got hit on the jaw. Lost his balance and fell down, and unfortunately that was where the stairs were. Also some of those confetti are made out of those plastic sprinkles right, and that scraped his chin.” Hongbin pointed at the bandage covering Sanghyuk’s chin and jaw. Sanghyuk tipped his head back, to show Taekwoon and Hakyeon the state of his face. “He also got a CT scan, just to see if he had a concussion. Because the force of the shooter was quite hard, and he fell to the floor. We just finished the scan, the doctor is going over the images now. Oh and they said we need to expect the left side of his face to swell up in the next 24-hours, some bruises are already forming.”

“Swells and bruises? On his face?”

“Yep. So that means I will not be able to join the photo shoots the day after tomorrow. I will look like Taekwoon-hyung’s sandbag.”

“Then the stage tomorrow?”

“We don’t know about that yet, since we are still waiting for the result. But Yong-hyung is leaning towards making Hyoggie stay in the hospital for a couple of days. Even if he doesn’t have a concussion.” Said manager just groan in agreement from his position on the floor, mouth stuffed with convenient store ramen. “Oh and we think the fans will be more worried if he is on stage with a bandaged face than just tell them that he is resting in the hospital.”

“Aigoo… Hyoggie-ah, why can’t you be careful. You got me so worried you know!! After you fell I expect you to get up and get back on stage and be the annoying cheery bunny that you are. But you were carried off backstage. Then I was hoping to see you, but they took you away already!!” Hakyeon’s eyes started to water. “I don’t know how I finished today’s show! Ask Taek, I was crying in the dressing room when you were not there!” the oldest member once again wrapped his arms around Sanghyuk, this time careful of where he applies pressure.

“It’s okay hyung. It’s not that bad.” Sanghyuk felt a guilty that his hyung is currently trying so hard to hold back his tears. “I’m really okay. I don’t think it will be a bad one. And I’m so sorry hyung, I should be more careful.”

“So, some fans had already tweeted out what happened. Thank God there is no picture or video of it circulating.” Wonshik spoke out from his position on the couch, his lap now empty of any Jaehwan, but is filled with a bowl of soup. “If this was back home, I am willing to bet all of my money that there will be pictures and videos of it minutes after the show ended. Thank the Japanese and being so discipline.”

“Have the team back home release the public statement?” Sanghyuk asked, with a straw between his lips. “We need to release them soon, even before the result. Just to put them at ease. If there is news of what happened are tweeted already, Starlight will start to worry. ”

“They are working on it.”

“Okay good. Ah, I’m so sorry that this happened. I got everyone so worried.”

“It’s okay, Hyoggie. Just focus on getting a better. Don’t worry too much.”

There was a knock on the door then, and the doctor stepped in. Hakyeon and their Japanese manager stepped up.

“So the doctor said there is no concussion, thankfully. But they are still not sure about your eyes, so they want you keep you at least overnight to monitor it.” Hakyeon sat back on the bed. “That means you will miss the show tomorrow. I don’t want you to move from the bed at all. And Jaehwan don’t you dare go back to the hotel and sneak Sanghyuk’s laptop here, he is not playing games or watching anything tonight.”

“Hey, why do you have to single me out?!” Jaehwan protested from the floor with a steamed bun in his mouth.

“Come one, if you have finished your food, we need to go back to the hotel and get some rest. You still have a packed schedule for the next 3 days. Hyoggie, Junsik will be here soon to be without tonight okay” referring to their other manager.

“Yes Hyung.” The members answered in unison to their manager’s command. All but Hongbin.

“Hyung, I think I will stay back with Hyoggie for a little bit more. Keep him company until Junshik-hyung gets here. I will get back to the hotel myself, its fine.”

“Are you sure? You need to rest you know.”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

So with many hugs the members and managers slowly flow out of the hospital room. Worriedly leaving Hongbin alone with Sanghyuk.

 

“Hyung, you can go back to the hotel. I’m fine here.” Sanghyuk said when there was just him and Hongbin. “You look tired.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“If you say so.”

Silence settled in the room and Hongbin was cleaning up the left over boxes and putting them back into the plastic bag and neatly arrange them near the trash bin. It’s weird that they are together alone. They haven’t been alone since the whole baby drama started.

“So, Hongbin-hyung. How are you? How have you been?”

“Me? I’ve been okay. A bit worried about my thesis topic and some other things, but I’ve generally been okay.” Hongbin said, trying to avoid the baby topic. Not sure how comfortable Hyuk is with talking about it.

“How about…. You know. They baby, and the mother?” Sanghyuk hesitantly stepped into the topic.

“The baby? The baby is fine. All good. Healthy, active, kicking around the belly.” Hongbin said with a little smile on his face. Pleased that Sanghyuk is showing sign that he cared. “As of Eunjung, she’s fine too. You know, she wants to join us. As in she wanted to tag along to Japan.”

“Oh. Really? Then why didn’t she come with us? I think everyone will be okay with it right?”

“Yeah, I already got her a ticket and everything. But then we asked our doctor again. She said not to go, even though the flight to Japan is so short. Eunjung is too far along to be traveling overseas. So we had to refund her ticket. Too bad, she wanted to go to Japan again, you know, while it’s still spring and nice.”

“That’s too bad. But what is she going to do? We have schedules and everything and it’s pretty tight.”

“Oh she got friends here. And she was planning to just go around. She doesn’t need to tag around with us all the time. But at least if she comes with us, she doesn’t need to pay for lodging, I don’t mind sharing my room with her. Our rooms are huge.”

“Ah….” Sanghyuk looked at Hongbin for a little while, studying his face. “So you are comfortable with sharing a room with her. What’s up with that? You never liked sharing spaces if it’s not really necessary.”

“Well….”

“Well??? Are you guys dating then?” Sanghyuk trying to get Hongbin to take the bait and tell him more.

“What?! Huh? Dating? Me and Eunjung? NO…. no we are not dating.”

“You are not dating, but you are comfortable with sharing a bed with her as if it’s nothing. And I’ve heard from N-hyung you spend a lot of time in her apartment.”

“Well, she is the mother of my child. And the whole pregnancy thing brought us closer. So yeah, I have gotten a little familiar with her. But dating, I don’t think so.”

“The staying over in her apartment part?”

“That’s just helping her out. When she was bleeding, the doctor told her to not move too much. So I do the cleaning and the laundry for her. And now it’s harder for her to move around because of the baby. Red Bean is getting bigger and Eunjung is a small girl, plus that baby kicks his mother so much she gets breathless really easily now.”

“So you do care about her.”

“Of course I care about her. She is the mother of my child.”

“But you are not dating?”

“No, I don’t think we are.”

“You don’t think?”

“Well, okay. You got me there. We have been close, and it’s obviously more than just friends. But we never actually talk about it, what we are. Or how we are after the baby is born. And we both think, from very early on, that it’s not right to be together now just for the sake of being together and we just happened to be having a child together. You get what I mean right? Please tell me you got it, because if not I will just be the idiot that rambled for nothing.”

“No,no. I got it.” Sanghyuk shushed Hongbin. The younger man doesn’t know how to feel about the new piece of information. To be happy that the pair are not dating and add up to the complication of the situation. Or let down because they are not dating, because it will look weird from the outside and will not make Hongbin look good in public when asked if the mother of the baby is his girlfriend. But he can’t afford to think about it tonight because his head was starting to hurt and the fatigue of the evening had started to take a toll on him.

 

When Hongbin got back to his hotel room, it was quite late at night. So he decided against calling Eunjung, even though he wanted to hear how she and Red Bean is doing. Calling and video calling had been how they have been communicating mostly in the last weeks. Since he had been very busy, it’s quite impossible to actually visit her and spend a lot of time just relaxing and talking to Red Bean. So his next best option was to call Eunjung and have the phone call to be connected to the belly-pod so that Red Bean can hopefully hear his voice and have Eunjung point the camera to her belly so he can see the baby moving.

Eunjung had visited them a few times during the promotions. She was there for their showcase and had been in the Jellyfish rehearsal room. But it’s not the same as being at home. When she visits him at work, there are other members and the staff surrounding them. So he cannot freely be silly talking to the baby and care for Eunjung. He missed the little family he had created, the three of them.

As he was settling in to bed, there was a knock on his door. When he opened the door he saw Hakyeon standing in front of his room already in his loose sleeping clothes, he was pretty sure the shirt Hakyeon was wearing was his at one point.

“Ah, Hyung, what are you doing here? I though you went to bed already.”

“I can’t sleep. I tried sleeping but I can’t. I’m a little too worried.” Hakyeon said as he entered Hongbin’s room and lay on his bed.

“You can’t sleep so you decided to invade my bed?”

“Well, I know Taek is asleep already. Wonshik would be working and Jaehwan is currently yelling at the slow Wi-Fi. So that leaves you.”

“We have about 10 other staff members in this floor.”

“Nah, I don’t want to bother them. So how was it with Sanghyuk? You guys did not fight right?”

“Why would we fight?” Hongbin’s words dripps with sarcasm. “It’s been okay. And I think he is coming around to it, Hyung. He was asking about Red Bean and Eunjung.”

“Oh that’s good.”

“Yeah, it’s good to be able to just talk to him. He told me about the project he is doing to fill the birthday fanmeet. Haven’t had time to talk to him.”

“Bin ah. I don’t think you can keep living in the apartment.” Hakyeon suddenly said.

“Huh? What are you saying?” Hongbin looked at him, a little more than confused and shocked. Sure Hongbin had offered to move out of the dorm when the baby is born so that he and the baby will not cause too much trouble. But since the members agreed that won’t be necessary, he had not thought about it since. “Are you saying I have to move out?”

“Yes. I think it will not be healthy to raise Red Bean in your room right now. It’s too small and too stuffy.”

“Right, so I have to look for a new apartment.”

“I actually already find a few possibilities. I try to limit my search to somewhere not too far from the office. So there is this one that I really like. But I am afraid it’s a little too expensive.”

“Okay, so, you have started to look for the new place. Do I get too have a say where my son and I will live?” Honestly Hongbin felt a little hurt. He felt as if the older man was just kicking him out of their house. He starts to feel that the baby wasn’t as welcomed to their lives as he had initially hoped for.

“Of course you do, that is why I am telling you now. I was just looking around so that as soon as possible we can look at the new place. So let me tell you this one place right. So it’s not exactly an apartment, more like a villa. It’s the furthest away from the office and from the city. But it has a backyard! From the picture in the website it looks really good, so the living room is spacy so there will be enough room for Red Bean to play indoors and outdoors. Can you imagine how fun that would be?”

“Why are you selling me this house already? You are just essentially kicking me out, why soften the blow with bribing me with properties?”

“Huh? Kicking you out?” Now it is Hakyeon’s turn to look confused. “Do you seriously think that I was suggesting only you that move out? Bah, idiot! You can never be able to afford this house if you move out alone. And it will be entirely too big for you.” Hakyeon laugh at Hongbin’s hurt face. “I was saying that all of us move out of the apartment. Somewhere a little nicer. So that you can have fresh air from a window that actually open. So that finally Wonshik and Hyuk have their own room, and for Jaehwan to not sleep in a closet size room. And you don’t think that Red Bean can sleep in your room forever, do you? In a couple of years that child will need a bedroom of his own.”

“Oh…. I thought….”

Hakyeon moved closer to where Hongbin sat on the bed and pull him into a tight hug. A little tighter than Hongbin would have preferred. “You silly Bean. I will never kick you and your baby out. I love you too much, both of you. Even if your child is not born yet, I already think of him as my own you know. I will never let you guys live miserably alone.”

“Hyung…”

“That house is expensive though… but I’m sore we can scrap something up for the deposit right. I think it’s due for the label to give us better house anyway. If not we always have Wonshik’s bank account.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
> I'm sorry....  
> Really sorry....
> 
> I've been through this really bad writer's block for all of the things I am writing including smaller articles.  
> Haven't completely gotten over it. But hey~~


	24. The Bean is Wilting

The worst thing that can happen a week before your 5th solo concert and a couple of days before your 6th band anniversary is to catch a terrible cold and hit a fever so bad that you have to pull out the winter blanket in the middle of summer.

And yet that was exactly what happened to Lee Hongbin.

He had caught the cold a few days prior. But since he had been too stubborn to take a day off rehearsal and fully rest, like what everyone in the office told him to. The cold had gotten so much worse than necessary and he cannot get out of bed without having to hold on to something to stop his 6-foot frame to wobble and ended up face first on the floor.

“This is why you listen to your leader when he asked you to go home and rest. Or when he tells you not to go to the gym!” Hakyeon nagged when he heard Hongbin waking up with a stuffy groan in the room next to his. “I don’t care what will come out of your mouth this morning Lee Hongbin. You are not going to any gym, any rehearsal room nor any meetings!”

 

To be honest, even if Hakyeon wanted Hongbin to stay home, he was also worry to leave the man home alone. Because in the state that he was in, Hongbin would not be able to take proper care of himself. On the other hand, none of the members nor staff can stay back and take care of Hongbin, with how close they are to the concert. Everyone have things lined up for them during the day, the members have rehearsals and the staff have concert related logistics and merchandise to take care of.

When Hakyeon, Taekwoon, Jaehwan and Hyuk was about to leave the house for the day, there was a knock on their door. Taekwoon opened it to find a very pregnant woman carrying a paper bag from a nearby bakery in her hand.

“Eunjung-ah! What are you doing here?” he automatically smile when he saw her.

“Taekwoon-oppa. It’s good to see you. Hongbin told me that he was sick last night, so I come over to check on him. I was afraid you guys left the house already.” Eunjung said while giving Taekwoon a quick hug. Which he tried to linger in, wanting to feel her baby bump.

“Come in. Make yourself at home, I’m sorry the house is such a mess. Hongbin is in his room, I don’t think he can do much though. His nose is all clogged and gross. So how are you? How’s Red Bean?” The older man stepped aside so that she can come in their apartment. “Guys, we have an angel to save the day!!” He shouted to the rest of the house.

“What angel? Oh, Eunjung! Are you here to play nurse on our Bean?” Jaehwan got out of his room ready with his backpack still unzipped. Sanghyuk followed closely behind.

“Does he need a nurse? Is it that bad?” Eunjung was suddenly concerned. From the text Hongbin sent her the night before it seems like his cold is not that bad, he was still rehearsing and everything. “Well, his text this morning was a severe case of typo, but I thought it was because he was sleepy.”

“It’s quite bad, Bin-hyung haven’t gotten out of his room yet. And he sounds like a dying whale.”

“Sanghyuk, that’s not a nice thing to say to someone sick.” Scolded Hakyeon, with a light hit that felt next to nothing on the massive shoulder. “I manage to get him to take some medicine, but he hasn’t eaten yet.” He said as he approached Eunjung and gave her a hug too. “But we have to get going really soon, our ride is just around the corner. I don’t know how I’m going to keep him alive today.”

“Is he going to be alone in the house, oppa?”

“Unfortunately. Everyone else is busy with their own things. And the ones that are somewhat available are just random staff from the company. We don’t know how comfortable we are about letting them in the house with only a half dead man.”

Eunjung took a while to assess the situation. Initially she was only planning to see Hongbin for a little while before they get to work and she will go elsewhere to do her business too. It seems like today’s plan have changed. “I can stay and take care of him.” She said hesitantly. This is actually the first time she had been in their apartment, not wanting to intrude. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“YES!! That would be perfect!!” Jaehwan shouted from the living room. “All you need is feed him and gave him his medication. Don’t forget to fill his drinking bowl.” It earned him a slap at the back of his head from Taekwoon, scolding him that Hongbin is not that much of a dog.

“Are you sure you don’t mind staying though? A sick Beannie is not the most pleasant company.” Hakyeon looked at her skeptically. Though it would be perfect for her to stay and take care of Hongbin, he still felt bad for dumping the responsibility on the woman. She might have other plans and worse she can catch his cold.

“I don’t mind staying. I can do everything I need to do for the day here, if you have working internet.”

“Are you really sure? I don’t want to be a bother to you. You were just planning to stay here for a while.”

“Oppa, for all the time Hongbin spend with me in the hospital and helping me around my own apartment, this is the least I can do for him.” Eunjung tried convincing the overly worried Hakyeon.

Hakyeon seems to finally relent and soften to Eunjung. He motioned her to follow him deeper into the apartment, after accepting the bag of cookies she brought with her. “Just make yourself at home okay. I’m sorry I can’t stay a little longer to show you around. And make sure you open Hongbin’s bedroom door to air it out.”

Hakyeon opened a door near the back of the apartment. “Next door is my bedroom, across is Taekwoon’s. The other kid’s rooms are on the other side of the apartment. I suggest not going there, it’s quite a dangerous territory, you might accidentally step on their toys.” The room beyond the door was dark, the air felt hot. Then Eunjung heard a cough from inside and a loud snort. “Hongbin-ah, we are about to leave for the day. You have someone here to take care of you.”

“I’m not a baby, I can take care of myself. It’s fine hyung.” Hongbin grumbled from somewhere beneath the pile of blankets. His normally clear deep voice sounds very nasal.

Hakyeon stepped into the room and leave the door wide open for Enujung to come in as well. “She is here anyway, so you have to listen to what she says okay. Eat properly, take your medicine and rest. Don’t play games or do laundries, you are not allowed to re-organize baby clothes as well. Don’t read scripts.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Good child.” Hakyeon stood beside Hongbin’s bed and bend down, and plant a small kiss on Hongbin’s overheated forehead. Hongbin groaned in protest as a reply, too weak to swat his leader away. Eunjung watched the interaction from the door. She felt like she is invading on their moment. This is a really tight knit family, where Hongbin had grown to be a man and where her own child will be raised as well. Hakyeon motioned her to come closer and show herself to Hongbin, as he silently bid her goodbye with a grateful squeeze on her shoulder.

“Hey there, Red Bean’s appa.” Eunjung finally announcing her presence to the man on the bed.

It took Hongbin a while to recognize the voice. And he was pleasantly surprised. He had expected just a staff member to take care of him, not Eunjung. Especially since she had not mentioned anything about visiting him. He surfaced from the sea of floral purple blanket, revealing his head. “Eunjung-ah? What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you are coming over?” he instinctively extended his hand and reach out for her.

“I did, I texted you an hour ago. I said I am coming over to see you. But I guess you haven’t checked your phone.” Taking his hand in her smaller one, giving it a gentle squeeze –it felt warmer than usual- before moving closer and placing his open palm to her belly. “And when I got here, it turns out you are doing worse than I though.”

“You really don’t have to do this. You might caught my germ.”

“I don’t usually catch germ from pinked haired men.” A teasing smile adored her face.

 

“Where’s Hongbin?” was the first thing that Wonshik said when the group entered their rehearsal room. Wonshik had slept in his studio like usual and went straight to the office.

“As dead as the fish in an odeng.” Replied Jaehwan.

“Huh?”

“He’s too sick to come in, Shik.” Hakyeon finally supplied a comprehensible information.

“So he is alone at home?”

“No, Eunjung is with him. She said she can stay and watch him all day.”

“Oh, alright.” Then Wonshik proceeded to look back down to the phone in his hand. “Wait, what? Eunjung is in the house? Since when does she knows where we live?”

“I’m sure Hongbin tells her at some point or another.”

“Hyung-ah, does all of you really think that Hongbin-hyung and Eunjung-noona are not dating?” Sanghyuk asked the group from his position on the floor, doing some stretches.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because he told me that they were not dating, but this morning when I passed by Hongbin-hyung’s door to get a shirt from the laundry room, I saw his hand all over her. And when I was on my way out, I swear they were kissing.”

“THEY WERE KISSING?” Hakyeon sat up straight. “With all of the germ on him, she still lets him kiss her?!”

“Hyung, that’s not my point.” Whined Sanghyuk.

“Why does it matter anyway?” already laying on his side on the floor, Taekwoon asked.

“It’s just strange. Why did he tell me they are not dating if they turn out to be dating anyway?”

“Question, Hyuk-ah. Were you already exclusively dating and establish your relationship when you started kissing Ara?” Hakyeon asked Sanghyuk with a glint of mischief in his eyes.  

“Who’s Ara?” The man lying on the floor suddenly on his feet and squatting in front of Sanghyuk.

“What is this? Has our Baby Ducky been going around and kissing girls?” teased Jaehwan. “Who is Ara, Hyoggie?”

Sanghyuk shoots glares at Hakyeon’s direction. He have not been planning to tell the member about Ara. Yet. He had been doing a good job in trying to keep them away from her. He even managed to get her a seat in their showcase and a few performances without the members and staff knowing about it. This is not how he wants to break the news to them.

“So, who is this Ara? Why is this the first time I heard about this? How did Hakyeon know this and we don’t? Sanghyuk explain yourself!” Taekwoon made sure than the barrage of question keeps coming so that Sanghyuk cannot escape.

Then out of nowhere, Wonshik decided to give his piece to the conversation. “Is Ara the one that had been leaving those scratch marks on your back, Sanghyuk-ah?” Sanghyuk was so shocked at what Wonshik said, his reaction was to almost fling his shoes at Woshik’s grinning face.

“What?! Scratches? Did our Hyoggie grew up already?” Jaehwan did not miss the way Sanghyuk’s eyes widen at Wonshik’s question.

“AAAAAAAHH!!!! HYUNG!! Why are you doing this to me? This was not why I started the conversation! We were talking about Hongbin-hyung and Eunjung-noona, remember?” The large young man fell back.

“And now we are talking about you.” Jaehwan has gotten impossibly close to Sanghyuk and had started poking his thigh.

“N-hyung, this is your fault for bringing it up.”

Hakyeon only shrugged. “They deserve to know, sooner or later, Baby. You have been hiding her long enough.”

“Alright, alright.” Sanghyuk conceded his defeat. He took a deep breath before carrying on. “So, Ara is my girlfriend. We have been dating for a while now.”

“Does a while have an exact temporal value?” pressed Taekwoon

“September will make it a year.” Sanghyuk shyly admitted.

“September? That’s even longer than Hakyeon had been with Wongeun.”

“Tsk, how can you hide your girlfriend for 9 months from us?!” Wonshik said from behind his hat, he looks a little hurt by the fact. “I know you have been seeing someone for a while. You weren’t exactly being discreet about the purple marks and phone calls. I was waiting for you to finally tell us, but why wait so long?”

“Sorry, Ravi-hyung. It just it hasn’t come up, I guessed. And I don’t want to introduce her to you too early. You guys can be very intimidating and chase her away, you know.”

“Then, how did Hakyeon knew and we didn’t?”

“N-hyung just suddenly show up in her apartment. I don’t know which devil he sold his soul to get that information.” Sanghyuk still throwing dagger sharp glares at Hakyeon. He still haven’t gotten over the fact that Hakyeon went as far as visiting Ara’s apartment just to chase after him.

“Show us pictures of her!! I want to see her.” Jaehwan requested, already reaching for Sanghyuk’s phone next to him. He shove it to the younger man’s hand to unlock and finally show the picture of his girlfriend. Sanghyuk pulled up a picture of Ara in a field of yellow flowers, taken on the road trip they had taken earlier in the year. Everyone murmured that she is beautiful and seems sweet. Taekwoon’s hand shoot forward to slide to the next picture. It was a selfie of the two of them on the same field of yellow flowers, with Ara smiling bright against the sun and Sanghyuk planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Aw, you guys are so cute.” Hakyeon cooed from behind him. They slide on to more picture to see more captures from the same trip. Until they slide on to a picture that Sanghyuk hoped that they won’t get to, but he was too late to stop Taekwoon from sliding to this particular image.

The room burst into chaos and Sanghyuk felt his face heating up and for sure his neck and ears had turned the shade of tomato. The older members of the group have scrolled to the portion in his gallery where the pictures gets intimate between him and Ara. That particular frame was one of his favorite of Ara, it had been in the hotel room the shared for the trip, and skin bared to the soft morning sun with soft sheets under her. In the picture she saw laying on her side, her arms held in front of her to conceal the necessary bits. Between her arms and her body was his own forearm, cradled softly with their finger laced together, his knuckles to her lips. She was looking up into the camera with playfully seductive eyes.

“AAHH!! My baby Sanghyuk is grown. NO!! Hakyeon-ah, where was that cute kid that cried before going to school?” Taekwoon cried out from the floor where he had rolled off to, too shocked by the picture he just revealed.

 

 

“Hongbin-ah, earlier this morning Hakyeon-oppa said something about you re-arranging baby clothes. What’s that all about?” Eunjung asked after they finished their lunch and Hongbin had taken his over the counter medicine.

“Ahahaha… this is actually kind of embarrassing. So, lately the way that I wind down after a stressful day at work is to actually take care of all the baby needs. I have been washing all of the baby clothes, folding them by hand and just re-arranging them in the closet multiples times. Moving around tiny little shoes, washing all of the baby bottle and everything.” Hongbin try to hide his face behind the cup he was holding. “I know it’s usually the mother that went into this nesting phase just before the baby is born, but for some reason, these days, I always feel the need to triple check everything. Come, let me show you.” Then he led her into the direction of his bedroom.

He opened the door to his wardrobe and show her the stacks of baby clothes arranged by age and size. “The bigger clothes are lined up at the back for when Red Bean grow a little bigger. My sister told me that these tiny new born clothes are not going to be useful for long, so I should just buy clothes for later too. Look at this though.” Hongbin dug to the back of the closet and pull out a grey article of clothing. “Wonshik and I found it when we went to Australia last year, oh my, it feels so long ago. It’s for when winter comes around, so I buy the bigger size. Look it’s a koala with a cute hat.” Hongbin showed Eunjung the furry one-suit he got.

Eunjung try to take everything in. Hongbin was talking too fast for a sick man, he seems to be very excited to show her everything that he has prepared for their baby. As she looked around the room, it doesn’t feel like a young man’s room. There was hardly any of Hongbin’s own clothes in sight, no gaming station, not even a desk with a computer in the room. But instead there was a baby crib, a bottle sterilizer machine, a changing table and the wardrobe full of baby clothes, towels, blankets, and small toys. Tucked in the corner she can see a folded stroller still neatly wrapped. Somewhere in the living room they were at, she can see that the baby wave goes beyond Hongbin’s private bedroom, there was the baby car-seat and an adorable baby basket.

It’s overwhelming for her. Especially when compared to the state of her own apartment. The only give away that the occupant is a pregnant lady was the pre-packed hospital bag in her entry way, so that it’s easy to reach when she suddenly goes into labor since the baby can be here anytime now. Other than that, nothing. There was no baby stroller, no baby bath, no fancy machine and line of bottles. The realization hit her like a bucket of ice water.

Hongbin was waiting for a reaction out of Eunjung, but he was only met with silence. When he found her face, her expression is blank and it seems like she is no longer in the room with him but in her own mind instead. “Eunjung-ah, are you alright?” he approached her, gently taking a hold of her hand.

Eunjung looked up with that blank look again, took a while for her to register his face. And to Hongbin’s surprise a single tear slip out of the corner of her eye. She looked away trying to hide her face. “Eunjung, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what got into me.” She tried to shake her hand away from his hold, wanting to wipe the tear. But Hongbin held on. “You’re going to be an amazing father Bin-ah. Look at all of the things you have here, you have everything.” A sob broke at the end of her sentence.

Hongbin was taken aback by the sudden turn of mood. So he puts his warm hands on her face instead, wiping the tear away. “Then why are you crying?” he gently asked her.

“It just makes me feel like a bad mother. I have nothing for the baby. Everything is here Bin, her life is going to be here with you.” Eunjung grew frustrated with her own mind, at one hand wanting to put up a strong face in front of Hongbin and stuck to their initial agreement that the Hongbin will be the primary care taker of their child. At the same time wanting to express the loneliness she felt and the fear she has at the prospect of losing her baby after giving birth. Hongbin was patiently waiting for her to continue. So she did. “Where does it leaves me?” she whispered softly. Embarrassed of her own insecurity.

“What do you mean? You will be here, with us.”

“No, I won’t be. I am not living here. But all of the baby things are here, you are going to have her all the time. Where does that leave me, Lee Hongbin? What kind of mother will I be?” Admitting it broke Eunjung’s heart. “Will my child even know me at all? She will only have Appa Hongbin, Uncle Taekwoon, Uncle Hakyeon, Uncle Jaehwan, Uncle Wonshik, and Uncle Hyoggie. Where does it leaves me? Is there enough room in her life for me? Will she recognize me as her mother?”

“Of course! What are you talking about, you are not a stranger. You will always be in her life, even though it’s not every day.” Hongbin looked at her with confusion in his eyes. “Eunjung, I am not trying to take your baby away from you. I will never exclude you from her life. Red Bean is yours as much as she is mine. Don’t feel like you will ever get left out.”

“But Bin, babies grows so quickly. What if I am busy and can’t see her for a week, and she said her first word. What if I can’t come to the first day of school? What if I don’t know the names of her friends? What if I have to go out of town for an extensive research and when I came back she doesn’t recognize my face and my voice anymore? Hongbin, what do I do?” at this point her eyes are all red and watery.

“Eunjung, you are over thinking this. I will not be able to be with the baby every single day consistently all year around too, there are times where I will be overseas or busy, but that doesn’t mean that Red Bean will forgot both of us. Why are you talking about as if you will be nobody in Red Bean’s life? As if you are a stranger.”

“But I am a stranger, Hongbin.”

“…..”

“Before all of this, we are strangers. We just happen to have 1 semester together at the end of high school, the only reason I am standing here is because Janghoon wants a random class reunion and both of us were able to attend. I am a stranger to your life.”

“Do you think you are still a stranger to my life? After this whole thing. Do you honestly think that I still consider you as a stranger?” his voice had soften even more, but this time laced with hurt.

“Situations changes Bin, we can be close now. Because I need you, and you have a sense of responsibility to me. But what will happen after this? You won’t be obligated to call me anymore. You won’t have a reason to come over to my apartment anymore. So yes, I could be a stranger to you again. And I’m scared.”

“I will always have reason to call you and to come over to your place, or you to our house. Because Red Bean will be here. We make time to be a family, if not for each other at the very least for the baby. She will need you too.”

A heavy sigh escaped Eunjung’s lips. “You are just going in circles. It’s because of the baby, we will make time. One is a cause for another.”

“Why do I feel like we’ve had this conversation before? Yes, we are going in circles. But what else is there to do? Choi Eunjung, tell me honestly what is it that you want? Because I have tried so hard to keep it comfortable for the both of us despite everything, but I feel like it’s never good enough for you.” Hongbin let go of Eunjung and taken a step back, his voice a little loud for the small bedroom.

“It’s good enough. Everything that you have been doing is more than good enough. You have been amazing through this whole thing!” she can’t help but raise her voice to meet his too.

“Then what is it that you want? I can’t understand why you are suddenly upset and started to cry. Help me figure you out. Do you want me to have less baby things? Do you want me to be less involved in raising Red Bean? Or do you want to build your career? Do you want me to buy things for the baby and put them in your apartment too? Tell me. Please help me figure you out, I’m not good at guessing tears”

“Why are you yelling at me?!” more tears rolls off of Eunjung’s cheeks. Her hand had started to clutch at the side of her summer dress.

Hongbin’s eyes widen as he realized how loud his voice has gotten in his frustration. “Eunjung-ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. But please don’t tell me that you are regretting everything. Please don’t tell me that you wished you never agreed to keep Red Bean. Please I beg of you.”

“No, no. I don’t regret this. I just…” she was looking anywhere but his face. “I just wished that I had more time to think things through. I just wished that everything would just wait for me, let me figure this out. So that I don’t have to be so scared, so that I don’t have to be so insecure, so that I don’t have to be so dependent on you. I just feel like I’m losing my footing here.”

Hongbin reached out for her hand, and pulled her into the room to sit on his bed. Because she had started to shake, and with the baby being so low on her hip already, Hongbin can’t imagine how uncomfortable is must have been for her. But he didn’t say anything else, wanting her to continue.

“All my life I’ve got it all figured out. I have a plan, I have an ideals. I know what to do. But this past 8 months had been anything but. I don’t know how life will look like for me. When I look in the mirror I feel like I don’t know that person anymore.” Eunjung had not let go of the hand that Hongbin led her with, and her grip is getting tighter. “I don’t mean to blame you. I just needed… I don’t know… I just need to say it. And everyone around me already showed me how much they doubt this, I can’t show them my fears. I need somewhere to show mine. And I’m sorry that it’s to you. I know it’s unfair of me, given everything that you have done. I’m sorry that you got caught up in my vicious cycle.” She finally looked up to his large eyes.

“I’ve said this before, and I’m going to say this again. I don’t know what is going to happen. I am scared shitless. I don’t know how things are going to work out between us, but all I know is we have to. We have to make it work, somehow, for the sake of Red Bean. And I’ve told you at the very beginning that I will not do things that you do not want, you have to agree on every decision we make about our child. What I want you to do is just tell me, tell me what you think needs to happen. Tell me what you think is best for the baby and for you too. All this time I feel like you have been too accepting, feeling like you do not have a say in Red Bean’s life because we agreed that I will be with him most of the time. But you are still his mother. You will always have a say in his life. If you think you are not getting enough time with the baby then demand more time. I also need you. I need you to keep me in check. I’ve never done this before, I am just as clueless. I need you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	25. September, just before the Japan promo

As much as Hongbin and Eunjung wants to take the time to figure out the arrangement between them, they can’t. The very next day, Hongbin have to jump back into work. His cold has gotten better even when his nose is still clogged. The upcoming week, his schedule are packed with filming for VIXX, meeting for a new drama and the never ending rehearsal and a concert at the very end of it. The only time he will get to spend with Eunjung and the Bump is when he can stay in one place for more than a few hours.

 

Filming started in the afternoon, since they had to wait for Hakyeon to finish a schedule in the morning. This time around they rented the whole 2nd floor or a café for the shooting. When VIXX got there, the room was already set up for the filming. Staff are roaming round checking lighting and audio equipment. After they made their greetings around the room, they were ready to film.

The first corner was for them to have a mini feast, honestly it feels a little weird. Since it is in the middle of the afternoon, a full meal feels a little off. But since Hongbin is still on the recovery phase after being ill, he just gobbles everything down. Next to him Wonshik’s plate is empty. He poked his friend and pointed at his clean plate.

“I ate lunch in the studio already.” Wonshik said.

“Then just don’t eat the pasta. Just eat the roast chicken, its good.” Hongbin is a little concern about how rarely he sees Wonshik ate. Hongbin knew that his friend is on a proper diet, the man was not starving himself or anything. But Hongbin was concern that Wonshik’s relationship with his food is going down a wrong path. “You can have a little bit more protein than your daily limit, right.” Hongbin squeezed Wonshik’s bicep. “You will need more protein if you want to beef up this stick like arms, you know.”

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Hakyeon was looking at them from the end of the table. “Ravi-ah, eat. We already have two videos where you were not eating when everyone else is. I don’t want to browse the comment again and read Starlight concern about how they never see you eat.”

“But I eat, Hyung. I am fine.” Wonshik tried to protest. By this point they know that this part of the afternoon is going to be edited out, Starlight don’t need to watch members being scolded. But his protest fell deaf on Hakyeon’s ears, and the oldest member gave Hongbin a glance. Hongbin promptly cut a piece of chicken and pile it on Wonhik’s place.

“Eat.”

“I don’t understand how Wonshik can just not eat other than what he needs to eat. And keep it going for a whole year around.” Jaehwan said with noodle on his lips. “I can diet for a comeback and all, but I can’t let go of my snacks. What do you do when you are just tired in the studio or just in a bad mood?”

“Unlike you, my little cute Jaehwan-ie, I actually have self-control and I don’t turn to food to make me feel better. And if am in a bad mood, I have Eongdongie to make me feel better. That boy never disappoints.”

As the filming continues they talk about what food they would cook for Starlight for their anniversary. Since Hongbin considers himself a hazard in the kitchen he just listens to what the others are saying. Then Saghyuk lay out the fact that he cooks these days, even though he is not really good at it yet. It got Hongbin wondering, how the younger man started to cook. Because in the past when there are only the two of them at home, they will always opt to order food instead of trying to whip anything up themselves.

“Yeah, right. I used to be even worse than Hongbin-hyung in the kitchen. But Ara got mad at me and asked me to start cooking. She said, I’m just a useless baby if I can’t at least cook for myself. So last year she started making me cook and teaching me how to get better.” The other members just nodded in understanding.

Hongbin was a little confused. “Wait, who is Ara? Did I miss anything yesterday?”

“Right, Hongbin was not there yesterday. So Ara is Sanghyuk’s girlfriend, he finally confessed after a little persuasion. If he is missing from the dorm, he is most likely in her apartment.” Hakyeon answered for Sanghyuk.

“Yeah, and most of the time I stay in her apartment, she will turn it into a cooking class, or at least she will ask me to help her prepare the ingredients. I’m not against it or anything, but that means I keep eating my own food instead of hers, and she is a really good cook. I really miss home cooked meals.”

Hongbin felt like he was punched in the face. Sanghyuk who has been the most opposed about Red Bean and had gone out of his way to avoid him out of anger, actually have a girlfriend that Hongbin sure the younger man was very intimate with. Hongbin knew that Sanghyuk had been seeing someone, with information Wonshik had given him a few months prior, but Hongbin did not expect Sanghyuk to be this comfortable talking about how domestic he was with his girlfriend. “How long have you been with her, Hyuk-ah?” Hongbin asked, just for the sake of it.

“Almost a year now. We started dating on September. Just before we had the Japan promotion.” Sanghyuk replied from around the chicken still in his mouth.

The punch that Hongbin felt now feels more like a kick in the stomach. The feeling of being betrayed has doubled. September of 2017, right before the Japanese album release was exactly when he spent that one night with Eunjung. To know that there is a possibility that Sanghyuk was doing exactly what he had been doing, but manage to get away with it unscratched, made Hongbin hate himself a little. Even though he had accepted wholeheartedly the outcome of that cold drunken night, even excited to finally meet his child. He can’t helped but felt betrayed.

Hongbin felt like Sanghyuk had been the most hypocritical person he had met. Initially, Hongbin had put all of the blame on himself. Accept that Sanghyuk has the right to be mad, having to deal with the possibility of rejection from their fans and fearing for his career. Hongbin had felt the responsibility of protecting the group as well as his small budding family fully rest on his shoulder. But knowing this, he felt like he had been stretched out thinner that he should have been. He felt like Sanghyuk did not have the right to be as angry as he had been, to a point of pushing away his child. Hongbin felt, for once since this whole thing started, that he did not deserve all of the pain he had been feeling in the last 8 months.

Hongbin looked up to look at Sanghyuk, and saw the younger man smiling, joking around about Hakyeon’s cooking skill after their producer called them out and ask them to start talking about things that they can actually publish. The child looked happy and unburdened, comfortable enough to enjoy his relationship now that he has told the group about it, not feeling guilty. Hongbin’s chest felt constricted, more than just the cold that is still limiting his air intake. His fingers itches. From the other end of the table Hakyeon reached behind Jaehwan to nudge Hongbin, with his eyes the leader silently asked if Hongbin was alright. Because in his realization Hongbin had gone silent and dropped out of the conversation. Hongbin nodded, saying that the influenza was still making him dizzy.

The next section in their anniversary video are a game of true-or-false that are designed so that the members just tells things about one another and open up things they never talked about publicly before. Like sleeping habits and things that annoyed each other. When it got to Hongbin’s turn, the rowdy table became silent.

The members were trying to find things to say that are acceptable to broadcast, that does not reveal anything about Red Bean and how he has been living for a while. Taekwoon tried a few times, but he stopped mid-sentence. Hongbin knew that whatever the main vocal wanted to say have something to do with how he is always worrying these days, how his new hobby is to shop for baby appliances and he plays a lot less games than before.

Taekwoon finally manages to come up with something that is not how good looking Hongbin is. Dodging a few bullets, Taekwoon describes the state of Hongbin’s room, about the lack of his own clothes and shoes in there, unlike Wonshik and Sanghyuk’s room that are filled with brand new clothes all the time. Taekwoon manages not to mention how instead of Hongbin’s own clothes, now it’s filled with new born and toddler clothes. When Taekwoon said Hongbin’s room looked like a grandma’s room, he knew that Taekwoon meant it looked like a nursery instead. Wonshik also manages to lie through his teeth, saying how he can see Hongbin’s gaming table right when they open the door to his room. Talking about how his room used to be laid out, instead of how it is now. Because instead of the aforementioned gaming table, that spot was occupied by a baby crib and changing table.

If there was one thing that Hongbin regretted about the whole pregnancy, to this point, was that how much he had to lie to Starlight, how much he had to guard everything that he says and what all of the other members says just to conceal the fact that life was less than perfect for their group. Personally Hongbin always enjoys the connection that VIXX has with Starlight, how they are able to communicate with one another quite casually. How when he scroll through the fancafe at the end of the day, most comments are very supportive and cute, often witty and inspiring. They had been his source of motivation right from the start, to know that what he had worked on manages to make them happy. Starlight knew exactly how to make him feel appreciated. Even though he is not as vocal and chatty as Jaehwan and Wonshik, when it comes to replying fan messages, he reads them almost on a daily basis.

During fansigning during their promotion was the hardest for Hongbin, when he have to come face-to-face have a one-on-one conversation with so many Starlights. Usually he enjoys these the most, but this time around he felt like he is the world’s biggest fugitive hiding right under the CIA’s nose. Trying to hide his life. Every time a fan comes up to him and asked how he was doing, he have to keep on hearing how is the baby doing instead. So afraid to be caught. A few times during these event he had to stop himself from saying that a baby 34 weeks into the gestation period is as big as a melon, an odd fact for him to know. And anything that came out of his mouth felt like a loaded lie, even though it’s not always necessarily a lie. Either a lit to Starlight, or a lie to himself due to how much effort he spend in concealing is excitement and love for Red Bean when they are public.

That night, after the filming wrapped up and a run through the first half of the concert in rehearsal, Hongbin found himself in a purple lit room. The owner of said purple lit room turned in his high backed chair. “What in the world are you doing here this late?” the digital clock on Wonshik’s desk shows the time to be nearing 1 am.

“I need to be somewhere else.” Hongbin replied, from his position laying face down on the long leather couch.

“How did you get here? Did you take a taxi from dinner?” Wonshik asked, poking Hongbin’s back with his sock cladded toes.

“I didn’t go to dinner with everyone else. I just walked. And I walked. And I was in your lobby.”

“You walked? From the time we finished rehearsal?! Dude that’s two hours ago!”

“I couldn’t tell the time, to be honest.”

“So, why are you here? You’re not completely well yet, you should be resting.”

“I told you I need to be somewhere else. I just can’t be at home right now. Too much is in my head.” The man on the couch sat up. A moment later a wide eyed French bulldog hop on next to him. Hongbin reach his hand out to pet the pup. “Had a fight with Eunjung yesterday. If I can call it a fight, I yelled at her, and she yelled at me and she ended up crying and I got confused. Then today….”’

“What about today?” Wonshik gotten up from his work chair to open one of the cupboard in his work room, pulling out a bottle of red wine and a couple of glasses.

“Did you know about Sanghyuk’s girlfriend?” Hongbin accept the glass of wine Wonshik gave him, taking a large sip, too preoccupied to appreciate the aroma of the alcohol.

“Ah, that. Well, other that the scratches I told you about, a few times I saw him came home with hickies. Thant kid really wasn’t trying to hide it from me.”

“I swear he got away with it too easily.”

“What do you mean? How do you want us to react?” Wonshik looked at his friend weirdly, his shaved brow rose up in question.

“I don’t know. For all of the shit he gave me.” Hongbin dunked the rest of the liquid in his glass down his throat.

“Did you expect us to freak out? I mean we were completely chill with N-hyung and Wongeun-hyung. Why would we freak about Sanghyuk?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like he is unfair! He gave me so much shit about Eunjung and Red Bean!” Hongbin got up from the couch to reach over Wonshik’s desk where he put the wine bottle.

“Well, granted it’s only a girlfriend. You my friend, fucked up a little more than that. His girlfriend cannot be equated to your baby.” Eungdongie had decided to climb daddy and is finding a comfortable position on his lap, so Wonshik slid down the couch to get more comfortable. “I’m just saying, Bin-ah”

Hongbin growls with his back still to Wonshik, bottle of wine on his hand.

“But don’t you think he’s just being a hypocritical jerk then? You know what, he started seeing his girlfriend around the same time I slept with Eunjung. How is it that my life turn out this way and his turn out that way?”

Wonshik watched as Hongbin pour more liquid into his glass and knocking it back. “Hey, watch out man, that’s some expensive good wine. Aish… I should have just give you some cheap-ass alcohol if all you want is just to get drunk.”

“I’ll get you another bottle next time, don’t worry. And I can’t get drunk on just one bottle of wine, I need something stronger. Do you happen to have stronger shit?” Hongbin finally turned around to face Wonshik, leaning on the table. “I know that I fucked up big time, I accept that already. Initially I did not ask much from you guys, I was even okay with the possibility of getting all of my contracts terminated, I was so ready to look for another job. But then most of the response were not as bad as I though, except Hyoggie. For months I blamed myself for his anger, but now knowing that while hating me for deciding to take responsibility he was cozying up with a girl too. I just feel so betrayed. You get what I mean, right Shik? Please tell me you do.”

“Yeah, I think I do. But I don’t understand what you want to do about it. I mean it’s also not fair for Hyoggie if we suddenly freak out and reject the fact that he has a girlfriend, not after us being so okay with Hakyeon dating Wongeun.”

“I know that there is nothing that can be done about it. It’s not what I want, but can I just rant about it? Does everything have to make sense? Does everything in the world have to be fair? Because it’s not. I don’t have to be the fair guy here.” A heavy sigh escaped Hongbin’s lips as he dropped his body back onto the couch. “I just want to rant.”

Wonshik reached over to pat Hongbin on the shoulder. “It’s okay, you can rant. No one is completely guiltless in this story right now, Bin. You fucked up with the unexpected pregnancy, and Hyoggie was being too mean to you.”

“Thank you. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that.” Hongbin leaned forward and put his face on his hand, rubbing a little harshly trying to shake the tiredness away. “I thought I am doing just fine, with balancing everything, trying to prepare for the baby. Bracing myself for the hell that’s going to come once the baby is born, both from the baby itself and from what the world will say. But I feel like it’s coming undone.”

“What do you mean coming undone?”

“I think I had a fight with Eunjung yesterday, I don’t know if I can all it a fight. But I was yelling and she was yelling and there was crying too. I was so confused.”

“What happened? What did you do? Did you made her cry?!”

Hongbin turned to look at his friend, ready to glare. “Don’t you dare blame me! I swear I didn’t do anything to her, I just showed her a few baby clothes, and she started crying. Out of nowhere! She just keep on pressing and demanding me to comfort her about how she will always be in Red Bean’s life. I mean yeah, I will try my best to keep it together. But for fuck’s sake I am not some fortune teller that can tell her exactly that everything is going to be alright.” Hongbin refilled the wine glass again, and just like before he drained it right out. “I have tried my best to make her comfortable and as worry free as possible, I didn’t even tell her about what the fans might do to me once they knew about the baby. I can’t carry her emotions too. I can’t even figure out my own.”

“What are you going to do about Starlight?”

“I have talked about this with the people in the company, the Big Boss too. One thing for sure is that I am done hiding. And I will not hide Red Bean. I never want him to feel like his birth was something I was ever ashamed of. So the plan is just to do an all media announcement. They will not wait until any reporter write about it, the company will send news to the publishers directly.” Hongbin said it with so much certainty in his voice. He had made the decision long ago.

“Wow. That’s brave.”

“We think it’s better if the news came from me personally and from Jelpi officially. Other than having people speculate and turn it into a scandal.”

“That’s true. Then what about Eunjung?”

“She will be kept out of the media. No one will know her name, no one will know her face. I think she deserve to live a life without any of the pressure. As far as the public will know, it’s just me and Red Bean, ‘his mother’ is all that I will ever say about her.”

“And she is okay with this? With being unnamed.”

“I don’t see why she will ever want to be named. The reason why she agreed to all of this was because I said I will be the primary care taker of the baby, because she is still working hard for her career. She doesn’t need ‘Lee Hongbin’s baby mama’ status to haunt her, I’m sure it’s not going to help her anywhere in her life.”

“Did she agree that Red Bean will be known to the public? With his face shown and everything.” Wonshik asked his friend.

“I….. I haven’t actually talked to her about it. But I mean, isn’t it going to be hard for me to not show his face? Because with how things are going to be, that mean Red Bean will have to tag along with us to a few schedules. I don’t want to leave him at home with some nanny I just hire everytime I have to go out. You know.” Hongbin tried to defend his reasoning.

“That part I understand, Kong-ah. But still. You still need to talk to Eunjung about having your child’s face in public.”

“Or I can just cover his face with a blanket.”

“That only work when Red Bean is a baby though. I don’t think you can cover the face of a toddler with a blanket.” Wonshik said, in his head he was imagining a 4-year old child puttering around covered in blanket not unlike a cartoon ghost covered in sheet. He can’t help but giggle at the mental image. His giggle got worse when his brain decided to add a panicked Hongbin running behind the child trying to catch him. Wonshik suddenly felt a tinge of excitement and impatience until Hongbin’s child grew up, so that he can play with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :]
> 
> so, angst.... a lot of them. sorry. but i am angsty. so yeah.  
> heeeyyy


	26. The Starlight Sees What the Star Hides

Since her mini outburst in Hongbin’s room, Eunjung had a lot of time to think to herself. What she actually wants and where she will be in the future. In all aspects; her education and career, her family life with Red Bean and of course the undeniably attractive factor that is Lee Hongbin. She has yet to apologize to him in person, for being so self-centered and inconsiderate to him. The pregnancy hormones was getting to her, and Hongbin had the unfortunate luck of being the nearest human being to her.

Eunjung’s master’s program had come to a halt, she had effectively been kicked out of the laboratories by all of her team including her professor since the placenta previa and had not been allowed back since. They were almost at the end of their research and she would like to get back on it. Especially presenting this research can be the boost she needed to go into more projects with better pays and prospects. She was hoping to get a free ride to her doctorate degree, getting herself a sponsor or two. So that part has not changed much.

As for how she will be with the baby, she know that because of how she wants to keep going full force with her career, she will have significantly less time with Red Bean. Hongbin will bear most of the financial responsibility of their child’s upbringing, because he earns a lot more than she does and a little more stable of an income. Early on she had tried to fight it up with Hongbin, saying that she can financially contribute too. But then realize that she hardly makes enough to feed herself and her studies, let alone a growing baby. Because the cost of financially contributing to Red Bean’s life means that she will have to work longer or find more jobs and that will take even more of her time away from her child, then her fears will just be a self-fulfilling prophecies. Thus she agreed.

The last one though, the last one confused her the most; the man that is Lee Hongbin. They had been keeping their relationship open ended for the most part. They have not tried to define anything between them, keeping it free of labels and expectations. Although a blind man can see that there was a deeper attraction between them with how close they had been with each other, the softer way that they talked to each other and the look of adoration that sometimes spills between the both of them. With how much time Hongbin would spend trying to be with her and how touchy and protective he had been. Eunjung wanted to believe that there might be something, but she was also aware that the attraction might just be an illusion in the wake of her pregnancy.

Even if the attraction between them was real, and they were starting to warm up to the idea of each other. Eunjung once again questions whether or not being in a relationship with Hongbin is what she wanted, something she can handle. Being VIXX’s Lee Hongbin’s girlfriend, publicly known as the mother of his child, having people know her name and her history and her job and having people felt entitled to criticize how she looks or what she wore. He had been clear to her that the public attention will follow their relationship if it ever came to be, the reason why he had rejected the idea of being together from the get go. It’s true that the reason they tell people why they are not together are because they don’t want to get married to each other was because they don’t want to do it just for the sake of it, but both knows that there are ways around their own feelings. Because as both have figured out, it was very possible for them to learn to love each other and learn to commit to building a family with each other.

The thoughts loomed above her head for months. Since their initial kiss. Eunjung was on the fence about her feeling towards the father of her child. Wanting to make it something of it. Because even though she had enjoyed her time being independent and unattached, she can’t deny the loneliness that settles in some nights. Having Hongbin next to her provided some comfort, and the random phone calls that she had with Hongbin always manage to put a smile on her face. She can’t help but grew addicted to it.

 

Since Hongbin’s schedule was unforgiving, the only time they can meet each other was on his lunch break. That was how she found herself on a taxi en route to the Jellyfish Ent. office in Gangnam. They agreed to meet in a restaurant a block away. Hongbin said that they serve healthy traditional home-cooked food.

Eunjung arrived at the restaurant before Hongbin did and was told that since the weather was nice that day, their rooftop seating area were available. The rooftop garden looked like a tranquil scene out of a postcard. There were plenty of greenery and water features, making the air fresh and calming, she understood why Hongbin liked this restaurant. She texted him about the shaded nook she chose as she browsed the menu.

Not long after, Hongbin came approaching the table. He was wearing a flattering pair of blue jeans and a loose t-shirt from one of his concert that does nothing to hide his wide shoulders and muscled chest, but the best thing that he had put on was the wide smile on his face. He was grinning from ear to ear, quite literally, all of his white teeth showing and his dimple on. “I’m so sorry I made you wait.” He said as he got closer to their table. As if it has become a habit to him, he leaned down to plant a peck at the corner of her lips as he took one of her hand from on top of the table. “Hakyeon-hyung was being a little fussy about some little details.”

“It’s okay. I haven’t been waiting for long. You gave me time to browse the menu.” Eunjung returned his smile, as Hongbin was brushing the back of her hand with his thumb after taking his seat.

The pair rang the button on their table to call the waitress and place their order, Eunjung was a little surprised just by how much food Hongbin ordered.

“I need all of the food I can get right now. I am still not fully well, and practice had been sucking the energy out of me. I am not surprised if I burn twice as much calories as I usually do. So how have the two of you been?” Hongbin started with his usual question.

“We have been alright. It’s just that I can’t wait for this little buddy to make his way out. I can’t imagine being this pregnant when summer hits us full force. I am already sweating buckets.”

“Any day now huh. Wow.”

“Any day now.”

“Have you felt anything?” Haongbin asked as he poured out their drinks from the water jug on their table.

“What do you mean? What am I supposed to be feeling?”

“I read that when the baby is getting ready to come out, the mother started to feel contractions up to a week before actually going into labor. But I also read that they can be so minor at the beginning you can hardly feel them.”

“I haven’t felt anything though, at least not that I notice. The kicks are still stronger than any contraction. Should I start worrying? I mean I am 38 weeks along, Red Bean should really be getting ready to be born right?”

“Hey, think of it this way, if he actually hang in there for just one more week, my concert would be finished and things would be well, I can spend the time to stay with you in the hospital and in the post-natal care.” Hongbin gave her a look, lifting his bushy eyebrows from behind the light purple hair framing his face.

They only had about fifteen minutes to spare for when Hongbin have to go back to rehearsal after finishing their meal. Even though they know they had to part ways now, neither can seem to let go of each other’s presence. Since Hongbin can no longer spend the night at her apartment this close to the concert, time they can spend together felt a lot more precious, due to its scarcity. So they decided that they will walk back to the office, so that she can also say hello to the other members.

The walk back to the office was a little of an uphill climb, not at all hard for normal condition, but for a 9 months pregnant woman nearing summer it felt like hell. Hongbin was keeping up with her slower step, occasionally keeping his hand on the small of her back if he felt like she was swaying a little too much. Or he would stuck his arm out so that she can hold on to it.

“Oh, come on. I don’t want you fainting, let’s get a cold drink first. There’s a coffee shop.” Hongbin said as he took her hand and pulled her to a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaves shop. The cold air conditioned air hit them as they walk through the glass door. Eunjung felt like she can breathe one again.

“Eunjung-ah, do you want an ice Americano?” Hongbin asked her, ready to place their order.

“No, I can’t drink coffee. Pregnant remember? I’s just have the berry ice tea, with a little bit of sugar.”

When they got their drinks -along with the 8 other cups of various cold beverages Hongbin apparently bought for people back in the office-, they were reluctant to leave the comfort of cold air to continue their walk to the office. But they don’t really have a choice, Hongbin already got a text message from Hakyeon asking where he was.

They tried not to walk too closely together the rest of the way, just in case there are some starlight lingering around the Jellyfish building. They walk with their drinks in their hand, still talking as if she was just another staff member.

When they got to the rehearsal room, the sight that welcomed them was quite comical. Wonshik was squatting on the wall adjacent to the door the colorful basketball short he was wearing pooled around his thigh, phone in hand texting furiously. Taekwoon was flat on the floor, using his hat as a fan. Jaehwan was shimmying in front of the mirrored wall, the sleeves of Wonshik’s promotional t-shirt he was wearing pulled up to show is biceps.

“I got cold drinks!!” Hongbin announced, placing the tray of drinks on one of the benches lining the wall. Just like moth to a flame, the boys in the room surrounded them. The second Taekwoon took a sip of his cold café late, he puffed out a toothy smile. At one he directed that adoration to Eunjung, asking how Red Bean is doing being that very caring and loving uncle he for sure will be to Red Bean. Eunjung know that he will be the one the Red Bean will go to if ever she wants anything. She dared to bet everything that she have that later in the future, Taekwoon would be the one that will have the hardest time saying no to Red Bean. Taekwoon, or maybe Wonshik. From the stories Hongbin told her about the rapper, though she have yet to witness how much Wonshik can adore someone. Wonshik had been polite and friendly towards her, but not much else, he seemed to be quite distant to new people.

“Eunjuuuung!!!!” Hakyeon cooed as he entered the room, giving her a quick hug. “I didn’t know you were going to come here?!”

“It was a last minute decision, we were having lunch together and we just decided to walk back here. I thought you guys would want to see Red Bean?” Eunjung giggled. She always smile and giggled unnecessarily when Hakyeon is talking to her. She doesn’t know what it is about his smile that made her felt like a middle school girl, but she was not complaining any reason to smile is a good one at this point.

They stood around and talk for a little more, enjoying the cold drink and waiting for everyone’s lunch to digest before the boys had to go back jumping around to choreography. They were standing around a loose circle, with Sanghyuk lingering behind Hakyeon, resting his chin to the older man’s shoulder. His eyes fall to Eunjung’s side.

As they were talking Eunjung did not pay much attention to Hongbin that was standing close to her, it had felt like second nature now. Him standing next to her with an arm behind her, resting his hand on her hips to rub comforting circle with his thumb. And her slightly leaning to his side, seeking for support. She had not realized this until she felt Sanghyuk’s eyes on them. When she looked up at him, he gave her a small smile and carried on with the ongoing conversation about who are coming to their concern this weekend.

“My parents are coming for sure.” Said Hakyeon. “I already got them a seat, no one is taking that.”

“No one is going to take it Hyung, don’t worry. It’s all already listed out for the invitation anyway.” Sanghyuk said. “Hongbin-hyung, you booked 2 seats for family, are your parents coming to the show?”

“Actually no, they won’t be able to go to the show. They will miss it by a few hours actually. They will just be landing back in Korea after the show is done.”

“Then your sister?”

“Nope.” Hongbin looked to Eunjung and smiled.

“Actually it’s me, I will be coming to the show with my mother.” Eunjung said to the small group. “I will be going on the 2nd day of the show. Initially I told Hongbin to just have 1 seat for me, but thankfully I had 2 because I can’t really go anywhere alone now. Being this pregnant and everything.”

“It’s so nice to have Eunjung in the audience. I want someone special to watch me too.” Jaehwan pouted. Eunjung thought that being cute like that was only an act that he put on for the fans. But he was actually like that, albeit on a little less exaggerated.

“Oh shut it, Jyan-ah.” Wonshik said from next to him. “You pretty much have your whole family watching. I know your mom will watch, and then Jaeho-hyung and his girlfriend will be there too. They texted me yesterday. I am the sad kid, none of my family will be there. My parents decided to go to Europe to see my sister. I am just sad lonely Wonshik. You know, they even took Dongie to Jamsil for the week, they say they don’t want to miss that dork when they go on their trip.” Wonshik shook his head.

Hakyeon then clapped his hand loudly. “Come on, let’s get back to practice, now that everyone is already here.” Talking about the dancers that came in not long after he did. “We only have a few days left. We are already rehearsing with the mics tomorrow, so all of the moves needs to be automatic. Come on kids. Let’s go back to practicing.” The announcement was followed with grunts and sighs around the room, but all of them complied with the order. Dispersing from where they stood to get ready for another round.

Hongbin turned around to face Eunjung so that he was shielding the both of the from the rest of the room, the hand that was on her hip traveled across her back and his free hand took hold of hers. “So I guess this is it huh. I will try to sneak out to see the both of you soon.” Hongbin brought their joint hands to where Red Bean rest between their bodies. “Take care okay. Both of you.”

“Of course. You too, take care. You need to get rid of that sniffy nose before the concert. I’d see you around.” Eunjung rose up to the tiptoes to meet Hongbin halfway for a quick and soft parting kiss.

 

“Uuuhh…. Guys. I think you should see this.” Jaehwan announced. He had been checking his social media one last time before going back to practice. Sure he was used to having many notification from the different platforms, but usually it’s not this much on a regular eventless day. The crazy flood of notification usually comes around their public appearance. So he click into one of it, out of curiosity. And what he found left him stoned.

“Is it important, Jaehwan-ah? We need to get back to practice.” Hakyeon said, already facing the mirror.

“I think all of you would want to see this. Go get your phones, I think it’s everywhere already.”

“What is?”

“Oh shit…..” Wonshik said, phone at hand.

Eunjung and Hongbin felt a little panicked, because just after Wonshik said that, he turned to their direction with a shocked face. Wonshik then approach them, his hand outstretched to show them the cracked screen of his phone.

Hongbin took hold of the phone without looking at it, still looking at Wonshik, trying to extract any kind of information from his friend. Eunjung reached out and pulled the phone in Hongbin’s hand closer to her. What she saw made her stomach dropped, and suddenly she felt nauseous.

“What is it? Can someone tell me what is going on?” Hakyeon loudly asked the room. But before he can make a fuss, Taekwoon pulled the leader closer to himself, showing his own social media interface. The man fall quite as he scrolled through the twitter thread.

Hongbin felt Eunjung froze next to him, so he broke the pointless eye contact with Wonshik and finally looked down to the screen.

There was pictures upon pictures. He kept scrolling but there are what felt like hundreds of the same picture. He had no time to read the comments and caption between each shot, one part not being able to focus on the words, one part out of fear what those words actually said.

“Oh my…. Are this from today?” Hakyeon said softly as he looked up from Taekwoon’s phone to confirm that yes, the pictures were from earlier today, they were wearing the same clothes. Most likely from within the hour as well.

Hongbin stopped his panicked scrolling on one picture. It was him and Eunjung walking, taken from behind. He was wearing the same shirt and Eunjung looked great in her pale yellow summer. It looks to be taken with a really good camera by someone who was used to taking pictures. And he had not been wrong, the user name of the one posting the image is a fanmaster’s username he had recognized. In the picture, they were walking along the road, smiling as if they were in the middle of a great conversation –indeed they were. His hand was behind her, supporting her back, but no one knew that, in the picture it looked like he had his arms intimately around her as they walk. Hongbin had to admit that this is a good picture of the two of them, maybe the first ever picture with the both of them.

It hurts him that the first ever picture they have together are taken by fans that had been following them and snapping pictures of them without their knowledge. Painting a picture for the rest of the world to judge them on.

But were the picture being painted telling anything less than the truth?

Hongbin knew that it wasn’t. It looked like VIXX’s Hongbin is out on a date with a heavily pregnant woman in the middle of a work day. Why was the woman pregnant? She must’ve been pregnant with his child. There was no denying their familiarity and, dare say, intimacy in the picture.

The picture painted nothing but the truth. The truth he had been hiding for months.

The next picture he slowly scrolled through leave no other room for speculation. It was him and Eunjung entering the coffee shop. Hand in hand.

“Don’t read the comments.” Hakyeon approached them and cover the screen of the phone to prevent the pair from reading and seeing more.

Too late. Hongbin already had the chance to read some one the comment written, his best hopes was that Eunjung has not.

_Who the hell is that whore?_

_Is she his girlfriend?_

_He should quit VIXX. He had always drag them down anyway. So talentless._

_Are they having a child? They are going to have a fucking bastard huh._

_I hope the company fire him._

_What the fuck is this? He call himself an idol? He doesn’t deserve the fame anymore._

_They are so stupid, so irresponsible. I am disappointed, I am cancelling my album and merchandise order._

_Ew, she is so ugly. I bet he regretted ever fucking her._

_He doesn’t deserve my money anymore. I thought he was a good guy._

_Oppa, is this true?_

_What a gold digging bitch. SHAMELESS!!_

_Fame gets to you huh, can’t keep it in your pants._

_What the fuck?! He is the most talentless, and he goes and does this? All he had is a pretty face, go eat shit._

_He is so inconsiderate, showing such public affection. This area is next to the jellyfish office right. He is stupid? To think that there will be no fans trying to get a glimpse at them?_

_I am so heartbroken……._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Writing the last parts of this story is very hard for me, because it got me really really emotional.  
> And at times i just can't spare being that emotional.  
> and yes, i won't lie, i teared up a little bit writing the ending of this chapter.


	27. When Stars Collide The Sky Shatter

“Guys, we have a problem.” One of their senior PR manager enter the rehearsal room. It’s very rare for anyone in the PR department to come to their rehearsal room. Worry was written all over her face.

“So the phone in the office had been ringing non-stop. Mostly are people trying to refund their tickets for Lost Fantasia. There are some journalist trying to get statement out of us. Can someone tell me what is going on? How did this happen?” Her eyes scanned the room and found Hongbin and Eunjung, standing next to each other. “Can someone explain to me how this ended all over social media?” Her words are directed straight at Hongbin.

“Did you not know you were being photographed? Or better yet, did you not think that there will always be fans roaming around the area at least 3 blocks away from the office? How could anyone forget that? That Coffee Bean down the road is where most of the fans camp out. I don’t personally oppose you guys being together, but at the very least keep your hands off of each other when you are in public before there are any announcement.”

“Noona, can we talk about this outside? Or a little later? Hakyeon was the first one to step out of the shock.

“More calls are coming in right now. I will try to keep most of the ticket in the house, we can’t have an empty stadium this weekend. As for the press, what do you want to do? Lee Hongbin, what do you want me to do now?”

Hongbin’s brain was going a mile a minute, and yet it felt like it was going nowhere. Just like when he first heard the news about Eunjung’s pregnancy all those months ago. His body felt like it had been frozen over. Worse. Last winter it was only the creation of the fear of what would happen. Now, all of his fear had come to life and is biting him in the ass. All the sleepless nights he spent tossing and turning thinking about what the world would say when they found out had come to this. To a few stolen frames. Stolen frames in the middle of a perfectly pleasant day, when he had been happy to see his little family.

“Hongbin? I need you to give me something.”

“Nothing. Give them nothing, not yet.”

The manager was taken aback by this decision on Hongbin’s part. She wanted to question him on it, but Hakyeon shot her a warning look. Guess she will have to keep it for later. “Alright, I will try to fend them off. So no confirmation, no denying.”

“Nothing, Noona. Give the press nothing.” Hongbin softly said. Then she left the room, closing the door behind her.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?!” The voice was loud, it bounced off the mirrored walls, cutting through the momentary silence, shattering hearts. “The longer you stay silent the more damage is going to happen, the harder it is to recover.”

“Can you just let me think for a little bit?” Hongbin said, his voice was a little empty, a full contrast of the anger filled shout.

“BULLSHIT! YOU HAD MONTHS TO THINK ABOUT THIS!!”

“It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this, I want to tell them myself. I wanted to do it properly.”

“YOU HAVE FUCKED PROPRIETY IN THE ASS THE MOMENT YOU FUCKED HER!! PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT YOUR BASTARD NOW!”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE TO CALL MY CHILD A BASTARD!”

“BUT YOUR CHILD IS A BASTARD!! THEY ARE BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK, TO PARENTS THAT HAD NO PLAN OF GETTING MARRIED!”

Hongbing rushed to the shouting man. He stood up as tall as he can chest puffed out, at times like this he hated the inches the younger mad had on him. In a low voice he said, “You will never talk of my child like that ever again. And you will never talk to me like that ever again! Learn to respect people older than you!”

“Or what? There is nothing you have on me anymore. You were stupid enough to let it get this far. You were the one that can’t keep it in your pants, you were the one that was irresponsible, and you were the one that dragged that opportunist whore into our lives. You destroyed everything Hongbin, you are not Mr. Sunshine anymore.”

“HAN SANGHYUK!” Hakyeon shouted from his position near the door. His voice carrying a heavy threat. But it had fallen on deaf ears.

“What?! All of you just want to see the rainbow and sunshine!! Where is that now? Our fans are angry now, they will abandon us in a matter of hours!! You want to be angry at me?! Go ahead and punch me in the face, at least I sleep well at night. At the very least me and my girlfriend are smart enough to not get pregnant! At least we were not so stupid to walk around hand-in-hand in broad daylight.” Sanghyuk challenged Hongbin, he felt Wonshik’s hand on his shoulder trying to warn him but he doesn’t care.

“You want to go and defend that whore?! Sure, say that she is a good and respectable woman. But she went home drunk with some man she hasn’t seen in years, just to get knocked up. If she is so smart then why wasn’t she smart enough to at least have birth control on her? I don’t condemn her, if she wants to fuck around, but please Lady, be sensible enough to not get pregnant the next time around, okay? You have ruined enough lives. Because you walk in our life uninvited with a baby nobody wants and you stayed around. If she really care that much about her career, they why did she kept the baby? It’s getting in the way of everything. Why did she book a deluxe post-natal care? Why did she accept everything with open arms? Hongbin, I never thought that you were stupid, but it’s now clear isn’t it. She walked all over you, doing whatever she wants, ruining everything. Destroying the career I worked so hard for with a baby she claim she doesn’t even want.”

The hand on his shoulder grew tighter, gripping to the point of pain. But the youngest of the bunch just puffed up his chest, making himself bigger and harder, staring down at Hongbin and Eunjung. “But I guess you both deserve each other. Both of you are stupid and shameless. You deserve each other.”

 

Eunjung had been silent this whole time. What was she supposed to say? Was she in any place to say anything at all? She had thought that Hongbin’s fans would react sourly when they found out about her and their child, but she have yet to wrap her head around how vicious it can be. And how much it affected her. She can’t help put agree with everything that they had written about her, all of the blame that they had put upon her. Even though at the back of her mind, she knew that it’s not true. She knows that those comments does not matter, they don’t know her. But still it hammered her heart.

Then the things that Sanghyuk said, all of it. All of it had been directed at her, even though he spoke as if she was not a person standing right in the room. He had spoken to her as if she was less than the dirt under his expensive shoes. But once again she had been powerless but to agree with everything that he said, all of the contradiction that he had presented about her character and actions. He about summed up every doubt she had about the decisions she had made in the last 9 months.

Slowly she felt the feeling crept up on her. The gripping fear, the rejection, the regrets, the stupidity, the contradictions, the shame. It had its strong grip on her, clutching harder and harder. Her breath was coming out shorter and heavier, her vision spinning.

Choi Eunjung can no longer stay in that room, she needs to exit the building.

She let her body carried her broken heart out of the door. She can barely hear the door slamming behind her.

 

When the door slam, the silence it left behind seemed to be louder.

Hongbin turned around to see the space where Eunjung had been was vacant.

Hongbin forgot about all of the anger that consumed him moments before, he neglected the urge to put the younger man in his place, and ran out the door after Eunjung. At that moment, he knows nothing else matter but reaching out to her. He have yet thought about what he will say to her beyond that door. It seems to be the theme of his life lately, he hardly has any time to think.

He saw her turning the corner in the hallway, going for the elevator. “Eunjung, please don’t leave. You can’t leave now.” He caught her left hand between both of his, bringing it as close to him as possible without pulling her off of her feet.

“Hongbin, please let me go.” Eunjung still hasn’t looked at him, as she tried to shake him off.

“Please, please don’t leave.” Hongbin begged, his voice laced with miserably. He doesn’t care how pathetic he sounds.

“I have to go, I can’t stay here anymore.”

“You can. Please, Eunjung don’t leave. I need you here.”

“I need to get out of here, it’s suffocating. I need to be alone right now. Let me go please.” She finally looked up to him, her right hand pushing at his hands around her left one.

The look on her face broke Hongbin’s heart. If the last time she had cried in front of his face he had been confused of what her tears meant, but this time around it was clear as day. He understood exactly the meaning of her tears, he saw her heart breaking, and he saw all of the pain in her eyes. He wanted to beat himself up for putting her through this. He wanted make it alright for her, but that’s all he can do, want.

“Please, Hongbin, let me go. I can’t do this anymore. I need to go.”

“Eunjung-ah, please. Let’s talk this over.” Hongbin tried to find any reason to get her to stay with him, for what he doesn’t really know since she was already on her way out before Jaehwan broke the news. But he knew that she can’t leave, not like this. They can’t just leave _them_ like this, whatever that meant.

“What is there to talk about? We went too far, Hongbin, we pushed too much and it’s all falling apart. We were never meant to ever be together, we never should have tried. It’s obvious that I am not accepted in your world, it’s clear that there is no space for me.”

“That’s not true. We can always make space.”

“You can’t make space for this Hongbin, I don’t understand why you still try to keep me here. I am not your girlfriend, I am not your wife, we agreed that we are not getting together under this situation, but yet we push and we push and we let it happen, we let our emotions took control. If we were to stay separated as we agreed to be from the very beginning this would not have happened. They would not caught us together the way that they did.”

“Eunjung, I won’t be able to do this without you.”

“Yes, you can. You have to. It would be easier without me in the picture. It would be easier for both of us. I don’t belong in your world, Bin-ah. You try to hide it from me but I know things at home was not always perfect, I know you had a fight with Sanghyuk about me. He had made his feelings about me known. I can’t stay.” Eunjung look up to meet Hongbin’s eyes, there was something else in her eyes now. A glimpse of anger. “I won’t stay. I won’t let people mock me and curse me out in my face. I know I’ve made my mistakes but I deserve more credit than that.”

Hongbin desperately wanted to hold on to her. He knew he had messed up everything all over again when he had kissed her after meeting their parents. But he has been powerless to deny the comfort the concept of ‘ _them’_ brought him. Through the month he had learned to enjoy her company too, enjoyed her affection, and enjoyed pouring affection not only to their child, but also to her. He had been too much of a coward to ever say it out loud, or to even concluded in his own mind that he wanted her, that he wanted a ‘ _them’_ to be a thing, he was afraid that it would get too real.

With a last attempt to keep her, to tell her what he failed to gather into coherent thoughts. Hongbin stepped forward and kissed her. But instead of meeting her warm lips, his lips met her tear stained cheeks. He can feel her shaking, he can feel her hand pushing at his chest.

“Don’t Hongbin. Don’t do this to me. Don’t try to convince me that miracle will happen. Just let me go. I will tell you if there is anything to update about the baby.” The elevator dinged in the silence, Eunjung stepped away from him and entered the cubicle. “I’m sorry Hongbin, I can’t do this for you.”

 

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT?! SHE IS THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD AND THAT FACT WILL NEVER CHANGE!! THAT WOMAN HAD BEEN NOTHING BUT GOOD TO ME!! SHE HAD PUT HER LIFE ON HOLD FOR THAT BABY! HOW COULD YOU SAY THOSE THINGS TO HER?!” Hongbin had not remembered going back in the rehearsal room. But he had found himself shouting and shoving at Sanghyuk’s chest. Pushing with all of his might with the weight of his breaking heart.

“NO ONE ASKED HER TO PUT HER LIFE ON HOLD!! NO ONE ASKED HER TO WALK INTO OUR LIVES AND RUINED EVERYTHING!!” Sanghyuk shouted back at him, shoving Hongbin’s chest right back. The force of the push had brought Hongbin a step back, away from the younger man.

“I HAVE! I ASKED HER TO STAY! I ASKED HER TO KEEP OUR CHILD!!” Hongbin was breathing hard, his eyes stings. He was staring at Sanghyuk with all of the anger that he can muster up in his body. “YOU HYPOCRITICAL UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!!” Hongbin felt his left arm swings in front of him, but before he can make contact with anything he felt restricting arms on his chest.

“YOU’RE THE FOOL FOR LETTING ALL OF THIS HAPPEN!! FOR HOPING THAT A CHILD WILL FIX EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!”

Hongbin had lost track of the things that were said, all he remembered was he was fighting hard against the arms that crossed his chest, keeping him away from landing a punch at Sanghyuk. He felt like Sangyuk had deserved a beating, for all of the things he had said up to that moment, from the very beginning on their pregnancy. Of the things he had said about his child and about Eunjung. He felt this animalistic instinct to lash out and protect his little family. He remembered he had threatened to break Sanghyuk’s new expensive nose, and he recalled Sanghyuk wanting to break every bone on his skull and it still won’t make up for how much he had fucked up.

“You know what, you’re not worth my time anymore. You will bring this team down. There is no way that Starlight would ever accept and forgive you for what you did. If you are true to your words then show that you till care about VIXX. We have worked too hard just for you to walk all over it and take away all of our dreams. When the company bring up the new contract, don’t sign it. Leave us alone Hongbin, let us have a career. If you still sign the new contract then I won’t. If you want to bring this ship down with you, I have the right to at least save myself.” Sanghyuk’s voice were still loud and angry, but it had a layer of serious calmness to it. Hongbin knew that this was not just some empty threat.

A very loud slap broke the room into a stand still. Hongbin finally register the sight in front of him. He was held back by Taekwoon and Jaehwan, they had managed to drag him a feet away from Sanghyuk. The younger man had Wonshik’s tattoed arm across his chest, holding him back as well along with Woojong, one of their bulkier dancer. Sanghyuk was breathing hard with his face turned to the side, his left cheek redder than the rest of his angry face.

In front of the younger man, stood their leader, his hand still stung from the slap he had landed on Sanghyuk’s cheek. This was the first time he actually hit their youngest member. All the time before he had only jokingly hit them, when he got really angry he usually shout instead of hit. Everyone in the room knew just how angry Hakyeon must have been to actually plant himself between the fighting members and landed a strike himself.

“Listen to me young man, and listen to me good. Don’t you ever say those words ever again. Don’t you ever talk about breaking this family apart, ever. We will make it through this, we will make people understand and we have to stick together. We are in this together through mud and storm! Don’t act as if you can just freely walk out and go on with your career. All of us would be nothing without VIXX. All of us would be nothing without Starlights, give them some credit that they would love us through this too.”

“You’re so naïve, Hyung. You are asking too much out of Starlights. No one that have been betrayed the way that he has betrayed them would stay to love us. All of you are stupid for wishing that things will stay the same.” Sanghyuk broke out of the arms holding him back. Wordlessly he picked his bag off the floor and slam the door behind him.

 

Then Hongbin heard the door slam, he felt like the life was sucked out of him. He lost the power he had on his legs and he slumped down to the floor. Sitting down with his head too his knees. The tears are flowing freely down his face. In a flash he can feel Taekwoon’s slim arms around him. The older man’s warm body surrounding him in a comforting embrace. “We’ll figure something out, Kong-ah.”

“Hyung…. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…. I screw up again… I’m sorry.” Hongbin keep on whispering to Taekwoon like a mantra.

Wonshik had been ushering people out of their rehearsal room, dismissing their dancers and staff until only the 5 of them remains. He walked over to Hakyeon and squeezed his shoulders, silently asking if he was okay. Hakyeon gave him a weak nod, sadness in his warm brown eyes. Then he looked over to where Hongbin sat. His usually composed witty friend had been reduced to a crying panicked mess.

Everything happened so fast, it has only been half an hour since they found out about the pictures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waterworks as i was writing this chapter.  
> i guess that's just the pattern lately.   
> sorry if there were more errors that usual in this chapter, it was hardly edited. i can't read it over and over again.
> 
> seriously i put too much of my heart in this piece.  
> Thank you for still reading so far.  
> i hope you guys don't hate me.


	28. Aftermath of a Heartbreak

_Dear Starlights,_

_This is Hongbin here,_

_First of all, I would like to apologize for my actions, I was careless and thoughtless. I am sorry that you have to find out this way._

_Even though it is too late, let me tell you personally: Yes, I am having a child this summer. The baby will be born very soon. I am excited, and nervous at the same time._

_I apologize for not telling you sooner. I apologize for getting carried away. I apologize for lying and not telling you the truth. I apologize for hiding. I apologize for breaking your expectation of me. I apologize for disappointing all of you. I am sorry that I have failed at being a role model._

_But one thing I will never apologize for is our decision to keep our child._

_We will never apologize for having this child. Maybe the timing had been poor, and improperly done, but I am accepting this gift of life the world has given me. And I am fully committed to raising this child to the best of my ability. I will not let anyone say that my child is a mistake, no shame will surround his birth. I will make sure that they grew up in a loving environment._

_Jellyfish Ent. as a family had been generally supportive of my decision to keep the baby from the beginning. For that I am very grateful, for the management to give me the space I needed to prepare for the baby and in the future to care for my child. VIXX’s schedule for the year will carry on as planned._

_One thing I request from all of Starlights and the public, is to not seek out the mother of my child. Do not try to get photographs of her, do not try to find out about her name, and do not try to get an interview with her. She deserve a private life away from the public eyes. I hope you can give her space especially this late in the pregnancy and post birth._

_I hope you find it in you to forgive the errors in my ways and keep on supporting VIXX._

_Lee Hongbin_

Next to the hand written letter, there was a few copy of the ultrasound of Red Bean from 7 weeks old to the latest each with a date written on them. Hongbin always carry these pictures with him in his bag. He decided to include them next to the apology letter to show that he has been aware of the pregnancy from the very beginning, and to help the public get used to the fact that Red Bean will indeed be born and will became a part of his life.

Hongbin’s usually neat handwriting was a little shaky in the letter, he had barely calmed down enough to write the letter. He know that if he let the situation hang in the air without confirmation from either himself or the company, the speculation will get worse. So he had told the PR management to give him a few hours to write the letter. He decided that this is the closest thing he has now to releasing the news himself as he had wanted. A public announcement coming from the company felt a little too impersonal for the gravity of the situation.

He had spent a few hours to rewrite the message four times. With the help of Hakyeon and Taekwoon he finally felt satisfied. Saying just enough to clear up the situation, but not giving away too much. Stern enough to protect his little family, yet soft enough to convey his sincere apology.

Few hours after the first picture had been published, Jellyfish Ent released the picture of his hand written message on their official twitter, instagram and VIXX’s fancafe. Hongbin also posted the picture on his personal social media accounts. An official statement had also been given to the press that had been trying to contact them.

After the big meltdown from Eunjung, Hongbin and Sanghyuk, there was no way that any rehearsing can be done for the rest of the day. As Hongbin slumped to the floor after Sanghyuk slam the door on his way out, he had stayed there for about half an hour. Crying all of his pain out. Apologizing profusely to anyone that would listen. Shaking and trembling in the arms of his brothers that had stayed behind, they took turns comforting him. Hakyeon had run his fingers through Hongbin’s hair repeatedly as the younger man cried on his shoulder. Wonshik had his arm around Hongbin’s shoulder, this got Hongbin to uncurl, but he was still shaking and breathing harshly for quite some time. Finally, Jaehwan laid his head on Hongbin’s lap, to prevent the purple haired man from curling around himself again.

Hongbin had not dared to check any more of his social media and the fan café. Even though he rarely ever posts anything he always was the silent reader, he checks them almost in the daily. Wanting to know what his fans thought of him and VIXX. But this time around he was afraid of what he would find, not wanting to break down again when there are many things to do. Now they have to rethink the PR approach to the whole group and their future work, if there are any left by the end of all this.

 

Hwang Sejun took a big risk in 2010 when he started training his people to debut as an idol group. The investment it took and the amount of dedication all party should be willing to pour into it just to make things work. Especially this handful of young boys. Since their success are really fragile, a very high-risk--high return with a fragile fanbase culture. His company have tried to educate the boy’s fanbase to try treating them like actual human, but a culture is hard to change single handedly. Some still feel like the boys belong to them as a collective.

He had been thankful that they boys have been able to keep their private lives private. Earlier they had been so focused on their work and spared no time for dating rumors to surface, anyone they happened to be dating at the time decided to end it due to how little attention the boys can afford to give them. That time period leaves a few of the boys broken hearted, Jaehwan and Taekwoon took the worse of them, but they kept their head in the game. When they had started to go out and date again, they have managed to keep a lid on it so that it does not distract the public’s attention from their work. But for the most part, he felt like his boys grew up alright.

So when Lee Hongbin came to him with the news of a baby and his crazy decision to keep it, without committing with the mother, Hwang Sejun was livid. He struggled to understand the rationalization behind the decision. Even though the boy’s music matured through the year and attracted more of a mature crowd, he was positive that the fanbase can handle public announcement of the boys in a relationship. But expecting them to accept a baby out of wedlock felt like too much of a stretch. They have tried to convince Hongbin to not keep the baby, to talk to the mother and realize that raising a child would be harder than they thought. But his mind was made, there was no way that he can be swayed.

They were planning to release the news about the baby when he was born, with a massive social media announcement. But instead of making it sounds like a confirmation of a scandal, like an admission of guilt, just how other agencies had done. They wanted to put a celebratory nuance to it. Initially Hongbin wanted to keep the child’s privacy and not at all show when, just a need to know to the fans, but he felt like it would be easier if he was seen publicly happy and enjoying fatherhood. A ‘go big or go home’ PR approach.

The public knowing about it sooner than they planned it to was unfortunate. Especially the fact that it had been photographed, because from the very beginning Hongbin had been very clear about his desire to keep the mother out of the public’s eyes, the less people know about her the better. He was so set on keeping her life as undisturbed as possible. Now since they knew how Eunjung looked like, it’s going to be a little harder to made them forgot about her. Thus all the more pressing need to make Hongbin and Red Bean bigger to compensate for the lack of mother figure in the public’s eyes.

 

When Hwang Sejun walked into the staff lounge where he knows the boys would be, the air was heavy. They had just released Hongbin’s personal statement and the phone had been ringing nonstop in the back ground, every media hot on their tail. They sat on the couch around a low coffee table, talking low, Hongbin leaning heavily on Hakyeon’s side with the leader’s arm around his shoulder. The younger man was clutching his phone. Sanghyuk was notably absent amongst the VIXX members.

The moment Hongbin noticed that his boss was approaching he got up to greet him, his band mates follow suit, standing slightly behind him. And just as the older man stood in front of him, without looking to Hwang-nim’s Hongbin sank to his knees, ready to bow on the floor in apology.

Instead of letting the younger man grovel on the foot at his feet, throwing away his pride, Sejun also got to his knees, and took hold of Hongbin’s shoulder to raise his long torso up. And he does something that he rarely does to the boys. He wrap Hongbin in a hug. He only hugs them when it was a really good reason to celebrate, their first wing, anniversaries, the last pack of mastering an album. He does not usually show his affection, but after years of having them under his care, he felt like VIXX members are an extension of his family.

“Don’t apologize, Hongbin-ah. I am proud of you. I am so proud of the man you grow up to be. I know at the start I disagree. But now I know that you will be a good father. Don’t worry, we will support you through this. Family comes first.”

“Hwang-nim. Thank you very much, you don’t know how much it meant to me. Sir, I’m sorry that it turned out this way. I was being careless. It shouldn’t have been like this, this was not what we planned.” Hongbin said, he felt very guilty to the man that had been taking care of him since he was 17 years old.

“It’s alright, it was good enough that we manage to keep in under cover for this long. Quite a miracle that we made it pass the promo period.” Sejun pat Hongbin on the shoulder. “Just worry about the concert now, we need to show everyone that the baby is not going to affect your art. Make sure all of you are extra good this weekend okay.”

“Yes, sir.” All of the boys replied in unison. Their morale felt a little better, knowing that the head of their company are going to keep supporting them. A little less worried for Hongbin.

“Where I Miss Choi? I haven’t seen her.”

“Uh… She left a little earlier, Sir. I imagine it would be a little too overwhelming for her to stay here. Too much stress would not be good for her and the baby at this stage of the pregnancy.” Not telling his boss how she had stormed out and how he had failed to reach her for the last couple of hours.

“Ah, you’re right. Just make sure that she is safe, and no one is trying to disturb her. If it’s necessary we can send over security to make sure of her safety.” Sejun told Hongbin. “Hang in there, okay, young man. This will blow over. I am sure that Starlights will understand, especially after they see you loving your child so much. But I can’t say the same about your other ongoing contract. Expect some of your endorsement and drama offer and cast will want to back out. I will try to hold on to them as much as possible, but you understand that this is a small consequence to pay for having a child right?”

“Yes, Sir. I fully understand that. For as long as the damage is minimal to the group. Please do whatever it takes to protect VIXX. If it’s possible to only have them drop me, and keep the others in as much work as possible please feel the freedom to do so.”

“Let’s hope that it would not be necessary. Don’t forget to call your parents. They deserve to know it from you.”

“Yes, Sir.” Before Sejung turned to walk away, answering the many phone calls asking for contract renegotiation, Hongbin took told of his hand. “Thank you so much for your support, Sir. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Son, I brought you into this industry. It’s my life’s job to protect you from this industry too.”

 

Eunjung thank all of the power in the universe when she found a taxi right after she exited the small road where the Jellyfish building was. She does not feel safe on these road right now, she was afraid that there would be more people waiting to take photographs of her. Shoving cameras to her face and coming after her. But the street outside was not packed with angry Starlight as she had initially feared on her short elevator ride to the ground floor. Especially in the state she was in, she would draw a lot of attention to herself. Heavily pregnant with tears all over her face, her eye liner slightly runny.

When she sat down on the back seat of the cab on the way back to her apartment, she finally had time to draw a deep breath. Now away from large men shouting and threatening to throw punches at each other, one pushing her away and one begging for her to stay. Looking out the window to the view of Seoul passing by, she realized what she had walked out of. She had walked out of Hongbin’s warm and protective embrace. And she had a hard time deciding which her mistake was; walking away from those arms or walking into them in the first place. Did she regret leaving him crying in front of those elevator, or did she regret becoming dependent of Hongbin?

All she knew was that suddenly she felt lonely.

So she does one thing that she always does when she was lonely.

“Hey, love. How are you doin?” a warm familiar voice greeted her through the phone.

“Eomma, I have something to tell you. Can you come over to my apartment right now?”

“Why? I still have a few things I need to finish before I can end the work day, you know it’s only a little past noon. Is there something wrong?” Her mother’s voice was starting to get worried.

“I need you, Ma. Please?”

“Eunjung, are you alright?”

“I don’t know. Right now I don’t know anymore. Please? I will buy dinner for us.”

“Alright, if you think it’s that important. I will leave as soon as possible. Are you in any danger? Is the baby alright? Calm down, honey. Can’t Hongbin be with you right now?”

“Hongbin can’t be with me right now. I don’t think he will ever be.” Eunjung was aware how broken she sounded over the phone, and she felt sorry of how worried she must have made her mother feel. But right now, she does not know who else to turn to. With the pain looming over her heart and her mind clouded, she can only turn to her mother. The mother that had raised her alone against whatever the world said.

When Eunjung’s mother got to her apartment a little over an hour after she had called, she was seated in front of her window with a large glass of iced tea. Eunjung had been staring out to the world, trying to figure out what is going to happen now.

“Hey Daughter.”

“Hey Mother. Come sit here with me.”

“What’s wrong, Love. You look like winter suddenly came again.”

“Ma, do you think I’m naïve? Do you think I was foolish?”

“I’ve raised you for 25 years, and if there is anything that you are not its naïve. You always think things through, and you always have backup plans for your back up plans. You never decide something if you don’t have a way out of it, or if you don’t have a strong feeling about it. What happened?” her mother sat next to her on the floor, taking a sip of the cold tea.

“We were being careless. And now his fans know. We were at his office and one of the members open twitter, and the picture of us were all over.”

“Wait, we as in you and Hongbin? You guys were photographed together?”

“Yeah. And I read their comments. Ma, why am I so stupid? Why did I agree to this? Why did I let myself got so carried away?!”

“They were being mean, wasn’t they?”

“Mean? Try vicious, trying to detach my head from my shoulder. They were just tearing both of us apart, calling us all sorts of names. I should have seen this coming. He is an idol for God’s sake. That’s not the worst of it ma…” and Eunjung started to tell her mother about how Sanghyuk had reacted, and how she had walked away from Hongbin.

The older woman touch the delicate chain that encircled her neck, reminding of the young man that was the subject of their conversation. His sincerity when he handed her the small gift, a small token to represent his commitment to her grandchild. “One thing I know, it that Hongbin is true to his intention. He will keep Red Bean safe. For that I have no doubt, he will never walk out on you.” She showed the pearl pendant he Eunjung. “He gave this to me when the both of you came over the house. It’s your turn now to decide. Do you want to stay by his side then? If this didn’t happen, do you want him?” Her mother asked.

“It doesn’t matter, doesn’t it? Whether or not I want him. It’s clear now that I am not accepted in his world.  I thought I knew better not to trust in men. Not to just jump in into relationships.” Seemingly unmoved by the necklace. Because that was not her worry, Eunjung had never doubted Hongbin’s love for their child. Once again leaving the question to her own relationship with Hongbin.

“Honey, all your life, you had been too careful with love. You have been holding back so much, because you were scared that history will repeat itself, that all men are like your father. I wanted you to know what it’s like to be loved, and if Hongbin can give that to you, fuck whatever the world says.”

“As if it’s that easy, Ma. I can’t force my way in his life more than I already have. What I need now is some help to stop me from wanting him, from depending too much on him. Remind myself that he is not my lover, he never was. He is just the father of my child. Any relationship I will have with him is only about Red Bean.” Eunjung said with her stubborn resolve. Her mother just looked at her, wishing that Eunjung would let love come to her, for her to trust it a little bit and not always trying to avoid it like the plague.

 

For the days to come, Hongbin had repeatedly tried to reach Eunjung and talk to her, and repeatedly he had failed. His calls went straight to voice mail, and his text messages was only read and replied curtly. The most Eunjung had contacted him was when he asked about baby and the state of the pregnancy. Her language had been friendly but polite. Gone was the cute clingy tone in her messages. Hongbin had dearly missed their daily phone calls, where he would tell her that he had missed the both of them, where he can head the smile in her voice as she replied that they miss him too. Now those exclamation now went unanswered.

The days leading up to the concert felt heavier. Sanghyuk being the professional that he is, showed a perfect attitude in the rehearsal room and stage calls. But outside of those, he can hardly be found. The moment that rehearsals were dismissed he was gone, his bed neatly undisturbed for days. The youngest member had gone back into hiding, no doubt to his girlfriend’s place.

Knowing that Sanghyuk still have the option to do that hurts Hongbin even more, since he had nowhere to hide. Eunjung’s apartment is no longer an option. He can no longer fall asleep peacefully with his nose on her hair, hand feeling up the kicks from his unborn child. Hongbin was left to lay alone in his cold bed, missing the comfort he had taken for granted in the last few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so after one and a half moth, i decided just to post this chapter.  
> I have not been happy with it, and the anxiety that follows college starting again is haunting me.  
> i am sorry that i kept you waiting for so long, and i apologize if this chapter fall short in the story.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading up to this point.  
> I wish that idols do not have to face such harsh punishment for being human.  
> But alas, it is impossible to undo a culture that seems to be inherent.
> 
> Love, Ayre~

**Author's Note:**

> Your inputs in the comments are very much appreciated ‹3


End file.
